Blindly in love
by LovelessMe
Summary: Allen is a blind boy who work at a music store as living. His life is always dull and lifeless, that is until he meet Lavi, a famous singer, visit the store and change his life. Laven AU Allencentrict
1. Prologue

I ran as fast as I can in the rain, trying to catch up the yellow taxi car as it sped off, taking him away, away from me. I watch helplessly as my best friend look back at me from the back of the car. His eyes are enough to send his message towards me.

'_Please don't leave me, Allen!'_

Gritting my teeth, I push myself to the limit as much as my little feet can. I'm already losing my breath and stamina that it was impossible for me to keep on.

Impossible for me to reach out to him…

The car is now almost out of my sight as it continued to move away; its figure become smaller and smaller to the horizon. I gasped for breath, my lungs is burning for the little to almost no air and my feet sport few cuts and bruises for stumbling and falling too much from trying to catch up with the taxi. I bend over, holding my quivering knees, feeling exhausted.

_I'm sorry…_

_I'm sorry for unable to catch up…_

_I'm sorry for unable to reach out in time…_

_I'm sorry…for being not fast enough…_

Collapsing on the gravel, I can hear my heart beating furiously in my chest before slowly relaxing back to its usual rhythm. Despised it was summer and the heat was unbearable and it was raining cats and dogs, I somehow feel cold. So cold and… empty. I closed my eyes; all my guilt, pain and sorrow embedded in my heart with a heavy numb feeling, making my chest tighten at the hurt, and a lone tear slip my left eye.

_I'm sorry, Lavi._

…

Blindly in Love – Prologue

**Home**

…

It was Monday morning; the sun is up, shining and smiling, giving its light and warmth to the earth, the sound of birds chirping, the sound of people around the street, the sound of cars zooming, and the sound of music in the cramp small shop where I was working; it was like any other day.

It is so peaceful… and comforting.

Well, to me it is peaceful and comforting. For someone who's world is surrounded in darkness, that is. Yes, you heard –read- me right.

_I'm blind._

But despised me for being blind, I can tell everything that surrounds me just by my feeling, hearing and senses alone. People can't tell that I'm blind because of that. My life is like everyone else, as normal as I can with exception of sight.

The store filled with Chopin's Waltz (Op 64 no. 2 C # minor), soothing me to the core. I hummed the music in my head, feeling myself of utter contentment, closing my eyes to heighten the feeling, any other sounds become blur and vanish in my mind.

But everything shatters when a loud crash came from the back room reach my ears, then a few curses following after that. I sighed.

"Are you ok in there, Komui-san?" I yelled, making my way to the store room.

A grumble and a few curse later, Komui replied, "Yeah, I'm fine Allen."

This thing happens every day in my life that I'm actually used to it. Komui is such a klutz sometimes. He's my manager as well as the owner of _Music Theatre_, the name of the store.

Based from Lenalee, Komui's little sister, he has dark purplish hair, fair skin, wear glasses and always wears white lab coat. For what, I don't know. I mean, it's not like he's working at the science facility anymore. He had retired for three years now but I guess his passion for Science is just as strong as his passion towards music and his little sister.

He's a _weirdo_, if you ask me.

Anyway, Lenalee is my friend since elementary school. I still have my sight back then when I befriend her. She's a nice and kind and cute girl. She has a long greenish hair that was up in two high pony tails. She's always wears skirt too. As nice and kind-loving person she is, you don't want to mess with her. Her kick –especially her kick- is a deathblow to every mankind walks on earth. I still remember the pain I went through when I _accidentally_ pissed her off by eating her cheesecake.

It still gives nightmare.

I heard shuffling of boxes and papers as Komui trying to organize the stuffs back to its place. I bend down in front of him and touch around the floor to help him. I might be blind, but I'm not useless.

"It's ok Allen, I can do it," I heard him said, taking the papers from my hands.

"Komui- san-" I began but he cut me off.

"I know you're not useless, Allen. I know you're better than that," he said, his voice soft and understanding. "But I need someone at the front in case some customer comes in."

Smiling, I sighed, "Ok then, Komui-san."

I walk back to the front, careful not to bump into anything. I heard him said in a low voice, making me laugh, "I told you to just call me Komui, damn brat."

He's like a brother that I always wished to have.

Keeping my smile intact, I walk towards the piano that lay in the middle of the room. It's a black shiny piano.

_My_ piano

Since my apartment is small, Komui agreed to allow me to keep it in his store so I can play it whenever I want.

Although I haven't played it for six years now…

I ran my hand through the soft surface, relishing the feelings it gave. Yes, this is my piano. It's actually belonged to my uncle, Neah. He's good in composing songs and music that he always asked by many famous artists and companies. But among the songs he composed, he made a special song just for us, his family. And I inherit that song.

After he died, his song has become a will for me to keep. He gave the piano to my dad, Mana. To keep his will, I play the song, to remember him in our heart. Hell, even Master Cross smiled!

But not long after that, Mana died in a car accident. And I'm left with both the piano and the song for only me to keep… alone.

I gripped my hands in a tight fist. My heart constrict painfully in my chest as the memories of my past flash in my mind. I still can't and won't forgive those bastards.

_No, I will never forgive them._

Calming down my breath, I run my fingers through the white keys, searching for the C key, the very first key that I touch when I was little. I smiled at the smoothness of it, and press it. It gave a soft sound. The sound echoes around the store, sending a chill run up my spine.

It's been a long time since the last time I touch the keys. Before, when I still have my sight, I couldn't bear to see the piano. It leaves painful memories and leaving me feeling all the more empty.

And now, since I can no longer see, I miss the sight of my piano. The only thing I can do to relish the feelings of regret was by touching, using my sense of feel from my hands. But I never went far than that. Always afraid, always hesitate, to touch the keys again.

_Afraid of the dark memories it will brings and…_

…_hesitate to accept the painful truth._

Unconsciously, I run my fingers through the keys, emitting a beautiful string of melodies and before I knew it, I play the piano. My hands move with swiftness of the song in my head.

I can feel my body move on its own at the sound, almost as if I'm _possessed_. Maybe I was. Possessed by this _black monster_ with its black and white teeth, grinning at me as it play a song to control me, beckoning for me to follow. And without restraint, I obeyed.

_It sounds so lonely and filled with empty and hopeless longing._

The soft melody fills the room, giving an eternal serenity to whoever hearing it. In my heart, in my mind, the sound of a woman's voice sing the song so beautifully, dancing around in a field filled with white roses.

_An eternal love, I remembered Mana said. That's the meaning of white rose._

I shouldn't play this song. The memories, the loss, the pain… I don't know if I could bear them after this. If the sight of the piano already gives me such intense pain and nightmare of the past and touching it give me the feeling of regret and longing, then playing it would destroy me completely.

_I should stop…_

_But I can't_

_Once I start playing, it's hard for me to stop_

In the distant of my mind, I heard the jiggles of bells, signaling me a customer is here. But I can't move away. Planted on the bench in front of my piano, I continued to play, ignoring my surrounding. As if I'm in the only one here. As if I'm in some kind of dark room, with only me, my piano and the song.

And my body moved on its own, following the melody of the song.

_Possessed…_

The melody become a soft tune, becoming slower and slower.

_And cursed…_

Giving the keys a final stroke, I end the melody. The last key rings throughout the now silent store. Opening my eyes, I turn my head to the direction in which I believe was where the customer was standing, I smiled, trying to hide and push every feelings of pain, longing and empty hope from rising and greet the customer.

"Welcome to Music Theatre!"

…

There was silent hovering over the store.

I don't even know why it was silent.

"Um… sir?" I asked carefully. How I know it's a guy? Simple; from the footsteps and his breathing, I can tell the customer is a guy.

"Sir-" I was cut off when a pair of hands grab mine, cupping them in tight grasp. Somehow -and I don't know why- I picture this person in front of me smiling widely, grinning from ear to ear.

_...Weird_

"Um..." I started, uncertain on what to do of his action. Did I do something wrong?

"That was _beautiful_!" he said, loudly in front of my face which made me flinched a little at the loudness.

"Uhh… Thank you?" I tilt my head to the side, showing my confusion and hesitation. I mean, this is the first time I play since six years ago and also the first time I play in the presence of someone other than my family. I'm speechless and I don't know what to do.

"No, no, no! Thank _you_!" he said, still clasping my hands in his large ones. I don't know why but I suddenly become wary of this person's touch and closeness that it made me blush.

"What is that song called? Can you teach it to me? Oh! What is your name? This is a very awesome piano you got here and- OW!" His ramblings were suddenly stopped and both of his hands disappear from mine.

I wonder what happen…

"Damn it, Yu! That hurt!" he yelled.

You? Does he mean me? But I didn't do anything!

"Hn," a new voice said.

How did he slip from my sense? I never miss anyone before. This guy is good. Maybe he is some kind of ninja or better yet, a samurai wannabe. Heh…

"You're gonna bleed the poor girl's ear with your ramblings if I didn't stop you. You didn't even wait for her to reply," the new guy said.

"But Yu," the first guy whined, "the song he played just now is so beautiful! I just can't help it!"

Ohh… the new guy's name is 'Yu'. What a weird name for a Japanese guy. I guess to them, my name is a lot weirder than theirs. I wished I'm in London right now. Japan is just too…weird for me.

"No buts, Baka Usagi. We're here to get your stupid guitar fixed, not for you flirting with a young girl."

Ok, I might be blind and unable to clearly comprehend what happen in front of me sometimes but I know when someone bad talking me. Turning my head to the direction of this Yu guy, I glared. "Excuse me, I think you have problems with your sight or your term for 'girls' in your brain but I'm a guy, not a girl."

I can sense Yu look at me with glaring eyes if his words were any indication, "I have no fucking wrong with my sight. And to me every female population is the same. Maybe it's you who have eye problem. Why are you glaring at my chest anyway, sprout?"

Ok, I have to admit, that one had hurt me.

_Maybe it's you who have eye problem._

On the outside, I put a blank face. Inwardly, I grimaced as I said, "Yeah, I'm blind. But even though I can't see doesn't mean I can't tell that you're a guy with girlie looks based from the constant whining and bitching you made."

"What the fuc-"

A joyful laugh reached my ears after I said those words. It sounds so cheerful and full of…life.

"Shut up, Lavi! Why are you laughing?" Yu asked angrily.

The guy, now I know is called Lavi, continued to laugh. Somehow, I can picture him bending over his knees and clutching his stomach from hurting, his eyes closed and his lips stretched into a wide grin. I blinked; that was kinda weird for me to able to imagine things based from single fact.

"Stop laughing, Baka Usagi!" Yu said. I followed the sound of his footsteps as he approach Lavi and a smack was heard, followed by a few string of curses. I'm surprised Komui didn't come out and check what was wrong.

I'm guessing this Yu is smacking Lavi over the head.

"Yu! You don't have to hit my head!"

Score! Heh… So predictable.

"I will if you had stop laughing when I told you to," he sighed. "I'm gonna wait at the café over there with Alma. You better get your stupid guitar fixed or I'm gonna kick you out of the band."

With that said, he left the store, jingling the bells as he went.

"Well, that went so well," Lavi said. He walked over to me and sat at the bench next to me, right in front of the piano. "I'm sorry about that. Yu is always like that but he's actually a nice guy, though I'm kinda surprised."

"About what?" I asked.

"I thought you could see. I mean, I didn't expect to meet a blind guy. I mean- argh! You know what I mean…" he said, sighing. I chuckled.

"I get what you mean. I'm actually surprised that you can tell that I'm a guy..."

"Of course I can. Anyway, that's not just about it. When I stare into your eyes, it looks like you really see me there. Like really, _really_ see me there, right in front of you," he said. "That's why it surprised me when you said you're blind."

_What?_

I sat there, stunned at what he had just said. _Staring into his eyes like I _really _can see him…_ I turn my head to Lavi, and look at the direction where I assume was his face. "Am I looking at you right now?" I was meaning to say it in my mind but somehow, the words slip from my lips.

"Yeah," he said, his voice gentle. "You're actually looking right at me."

_I'm looking at him… like I really have a sight and see him like a normal person!_

I know it's rude to stare, though I can't see anything. But somehow the very thought of someone saying that I actually _see_ them send warmth throughout my body. It made me feel something, a feeling that I lost over six years ago. A feeling that I know so well and yet felt so strange to me.

_Happiness_

For the first time after the lost of my family, I smiled sincerely, from the bottom of my heart.

"Thank you, Lavi."

"Y-You're welcome," he cleared his throat and move to stand up, walking around the store.

"So anyway," he started after a few minutes of silent. "You haven't told me your name."

_Oh…_ I groaned, _how could I forgot to give my name? Sigh…___Locating Lavi, I smiled apologetically at him. "Sorry. My name is Allen."

"Hmm… So, are you buying something here? Perhaps the piano?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I actually work here and this piano is mine. It's not for sale, just for display and only for me to play."

"Eh? You work here?" he asked, astonish. "I've been here before but I never saw you working here… but I know that piano."

"You've been here before? Probably because I'm either at the back or it's not during my work hour. How did you know this piano?"

"Yeah, sometimes. I'm in a band so I need to check, remodel and fix my guitar. This is the only place that I found comforting and trusting enough for my baby. Oh! Before I forget, I need this baby fixed!" Lavi walk towards the register where I assume he put his _'baby'_ is and brought it over to me. He takes my hand in his and put it around the neck of the guitar.

It felt so smooth under my touch and I actually began to understand why Lavi didn't just buy a new one rather than get this guitar fix many times. The guitar gives off a sense of relief and comfort, just like my piano.

_So gentle_

"Hmm… what is your work hour anyway, Allen? I know about this piano because it looks like a piano that my best old friend used to have." There's a sad tone when he said the last sentence. The sadness somehow grips my heart and I actually understand how he felt.

_Please don't leave me, Allen!_

Unconsciously, I grip the guitar harder. If only I was stronger, faster and braver back then, then my best friend would have stayed here with me or at least we would have been in contact with each other. But now, his face and his name, is lost in a sea of time and harsh reality. So much has happen after his leaving.

And yet, his green eyes still vividly embedded in my mind. Pleading… Hoping…

_And hopelessness_

"Allen?" Lavi said, jolting me back to reality.

"Huh? Oh sorry," I said. "Well, I only work from the morning till lunch time. Komui never approve of me working until late since it's not safe for me."

"Heh, so typical of him," Lavi scoffed.

"What was that, idiot rabbit?" Komui said. Based from his voice, he was standing behind Lavi. And I was proven right, yet again, as Lavi yelped and hide behind me.

"Damn it Komui! Don't sneak behind me like that, you creep!"

"What was that? You didn't want you guitar fixed? Oh well…" Komui said, walking away. I inwardly laugh. Komui sure does know how to play it right. If only I can do that too so he can get to finish his piles and piles of paperwork back at his home. Sigh~ life.

"Wait! Komui! I'm sorry! Please fix my guitar!" Lavi said, dashing towards Komui from hiding behind me. How he do that so fast, I don't know.

Their rambling and bickering fade off to the back of my mind as I stroke Lavi's guitar in my hand. So gentle and yet…

…_there are so much painful memories. _

Just like my piano.

_To some people, when they play an instrument, they see it as they're the talented one, one who can play something. But to someone who played so deeply, he sees the instrument as a part of him; his feelings he put into the song, the flow of memories he put into his fingers and lips and breath, and the message he tried to send from his song. And most of all Allen, that instrument is also a part of his heart. It shows what type of person he is._

_That is the true talent._

"…a part of him …a part of his heart…" I whispered softly. Does that mean Lavi is a gentle guy? I shook my head. That might be true but I've never heard him playing so that still leaves me a lot to see and understand.

_You never played the piano for six years. How is that showing you?_

Someone who lost his love, his family, his happiness, his friendship…

_Someone who loses his will…_

"Allen…?"

_Someone who had become an empty shell…_

"Yeah?"

_Someone who loses his heart…_

"It is nice to meet you, Allen!" Lavi smiled, his smile is visible from his words.

_But maybe…_

"Yeah, you too Lavi," I said, smiling back, running my fingers through the strings of the guitar, strumming it.

_But maybe a new start wouldn't hurt to try._

"Oh by the way Allen…" Lavi said, slinging his arm around my shoulder, head locking me.

"W-What?" I gasped.

"The way you describe Yu… they are all correct!" Lavi laughed, his body vibrated against me by that. I sat still, trying to comprehend what he just said and chuckled, shaking my head.

I guess being blind is not that bad…

…

A/n: There you go~ the prologue baby!

Warning: un-beta-ed (I'm sorry Missus Ann for not telling you about this. I just didn't want to ruin you precious vacation with my constant pleading and whining LOL)

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM, duh!

Anyway, **review** and tell me what you think! :)


	2. Chapter 1

…

Blindly in Love -Chapter 1

**New changes, new friend & new problems**

…

It's been three days since Lavi's visit.

It's been three days ago since I played the piano.

And it's been three days since the last time I sleep.

It seems that Lavi's guitar required the high quality type of strings. Not only that it was much smoother and comfortable to use, it was also because it last a lot longer than the usual strings. And I've been working on the guitar ever since. Such string is rare and we have to order it from some company that selling them.

But that's not the real reason for my lack of sleep.

Whenever I closed my eyes, even thought it doesn't make any difference to me, the images of my past started to haunting me again. I know I shouldn't have touch the keys and played the piano. Whenever I closed my eyes, the song will start to play in my head. The voice of a woman will sing the song so soft and comforting, so melancholy.

But somehow, instead of giving me the comfort of a lullaby, it sound as if it was shouted at me, so loud and so painful.

_I wish I didn't play that song_

_I wish I know nothing of it_

_I wish Uncle Neah didn't create it and give it to me as his will_

Then the thought of Lavi came to my mind. His word, his laugh and our meeting, sends warmth through my body and I will unconsciously smile at the thought.

Lavi is the very first person who heard me play. Lavi is the first person who ever compliments me about it. And he's the very first person who's not pitying me and looking down on me for who I am. He seems so… accepting.

Or he just didn't mind. That meeting a blind guy doesn't make any difference to him.

But he did say that he was surprised about me. And when he said that I look like someone who can see based from how my eyes meet his…

Was he intrigued?

I shook my head and sighed, leaning against my comfy sofa of my tiny living room. The TV in front of me was muted. I know I can't watch TV but sometimes, I feel lonely in my own apartment and I need to fill the silence with voices. So even though I can't see it, at least the voices of other people ease the loneliness a little. And sometimes, I will hear songs from my stereo just to fill my apartment with something other than me, my cat and Timcanpy.

Besides, it's not like Master Cross care enough to visit me. His apartment is next to me. The only time he burst into my home was when he's asking for money. What a devil, asking money from a blind boy.

I feel so tired and exhausted but I don't want to sleep. The nightmare will come to haunt me again. Maybe I should come to work today… but Komui will definitely going to protest it. Sometimes he's so protective.

Sighing, I stand up and stretched my awkward limbs. Slowly, I make my way around, outstretching my right hand to feel whatever it was in front of me. A sound of keys jingling and lock turning stop me in my track to my room and smiled knowingly.

"Hey Lena!"

"Hey Allen!" Lenalee greets back, closing the door.

A sudden aroma filled my nostril and I almost drool from it, right then and there. "Lenalee, you brought me my favorite foods!" I said, happy at the thought of food.

_What? A guy needs to fill his stomach, you know._

Lenalee giggled, "How did-? Oh, I already know the answer to that. Silly me!" she take my hand and help me walk to the kitchen, and we sat at my small dining table. Lenalee open several of take out foods and served them to me. I feel like I'm a King, kukuku…

Ehem, right…

Anyway, Lenalee give me a pair of chopsticks and I started eating right away. It doesn't matter what I take since I swallowed it down my throat, just chewing slightly. Talk about not appreciating the taste of the food.

"Thanks for the meal," I said, leaning against my chair and patting my now satisfied stomach. I always eat a lot but my body pretty much stays the same no matter the addition of quantity of foods I add. Maybe my growth spurt had stopped years ago, I guess because even Lenalee is taller than me.

"Do you want to do anything today, aside from staying in your apartment?" Lenalee asked, probably also finish eating her lunch.

I stay silent for a minute, pondering the question before nodding. "Yeah, I actually want to go somewhere today."

I can hear the smile in Lenalee's voice as she said, "Alright! Where do you want to go?"

Smiling back, I said, "I want to go to the park. I need some fresh air."

"Ok! Let's go then. Oh, let me put the dishes away first," she stand up and I heard her shuffling the empty plates, taking them to the trash bin and wash her hand from the sink. She walked back to me and wiped my mouth with a damp cloth, which kind of surprised me.

"You know, I can do that myself," I slightly scowled at her and I can tell she smiled at me softly.

"I know," was her only answer.

She takes my hand in hers again and leads me to the door, opening it. There's this swish sound I heard and I open my hand in automatic response as a ball land on my hand. "You want to go too, Tim? I thought you like staying with C.C!" (1)

Timcanpy growled at me and fly on top of my head, resting himself there, using my hair as cushions. I sighed at his stubbornness, just like his first Master. I grumbled silently under my breath, knowing he ignore me and just sat contently on my head.

Lenalee giggled beside me as she locked the door, "Allen, that cat always tried to eat him, so it's impossible for Tim to like him." I can feel that golden ball nodded, grasping a small handful of my hair with his _paws_, or whatever you call it. I rolled my eyes.

My cat, Crown Clown as I call him, is based from a nickname I got from the scientists I met when I'm visiting Komui at his work three years ago. I still don't know why they call me that. It's still pretty much a mystery to me…

"Come on, let's go Allen," Lenalee said, tugging my hand forward and I followed suit. "We have to go there by car."

I nodded my head and just follow her steps and direction, even though I know it from memory already. I just want to take comfort of her holding my hand. Living a lonely live makes you… try to cherish ever thing that happens to you.

Especially if you're blind and alone

_Such a lonely life…_

^^Laven^^

It was so comforting and peaceful. I closed my eyes, feeling the wind on my face, the swish of my hair and the cold breeze on my body; it was so relaxing.

_Am I dreaming?_

A soft melody played in my mind. Why does it sound so soft now? Not as loud as before but… was it always a lullaby? This song I used to love, that I used to play and that used to bring me happiness…

_Reflected in the spring of dreams is the sequel of the story_

_A story started in bright, golden afternoon_

Where am I? All I can see are white petals. They look so soft, so white… so pure.

_What will I see if I awake from this dream?_

'_Well, Allen, open your eyes and find out,' a voice said._

_What will you see?_

"Allen?"

An unknown but almost familiar voice called me, jolting me from my thought. I didn't realize that I've been sitting on one of the park's bench for about half an hour now. The last thing I remembered was Lenalee was going to buy some coffee for both of us while enjoying the view.

"Who…?"

The person who is standing right in front of me, who I presume is a guy, takes my hand and hold it in his. The sudden contact brought warmth through my body, as if I was frozen in a cold weather and someone brought me a blanket to cover me up in front of a fireplace, hugging me with a caring and almost loving embrace.

It's a nostalgic feeling that I don't remember anymore.

_Except those green eyes_

"…Lavi?" I said.

Lavi chuckled in amusement and began to shake my hand vigorously, clearly happy that I recognize him. Really, this guy is hard to tell sometimes. Well, it is obvious that we don't know each other since we had just met three days ago.

But somehow, I feel as though I knew him from somewhere, a long time ago in a distance memory.

_Who…?_

"Allen?"

"Oh, I'm sorry about that, Lavi. You surprised me is all," I said, smiling at him. I picture him smiling back and look at me with soft eyes.

I should stop picturing and imagining things that I didn't even know. I mean, I didn't even know how he looks like, his height and everything. Why am I picturing him in the first place, I don't even know.

"Can you tell what am I doing right now?" Lavi asked. I tilted my head to the side in wonder. Why is he asking me, a blind guy, to answer such question? Should I answer based on what I'm picturing? It's not like it's going to be a right answer.

"You're… smiling softly at me?" _Urghh…_ I groaned inwardly, _it sounds weird._

I wait for him to reply, expecting for him to laugh at my answer and sling his arm around my neck, head locking me and said, 'Nice one, Allen. But guess again!'

But what I heard is not what I expect for him to say. Lavi gasped in front of me and leaning in closed to my face. I can feel is breath an inch away from me, making me blush slightly in embarrassment. No one has ever been this close to me before, aside from Master. But that is a different situation. Anyway, does he never hear of personal space? He's invading mine and we barely knew each other.

"How…did you know?" Lavi asked. He let go of my hand and drop it on my lap. Why is he shocked? Is he feeling crept out now? Will he think I'm weird? But most importantly, how did I know?

I don't know the answer to that.

"Um… I just guess?" I'm becoming uncertain now. Having Lavi around almost makes me feel as though I'm able to see, just like how he said it when we first met. That's just impossible, right?

I draw in a breath as sLavi cupped my face with one hand, brushing my cheek in a soft touch, making me sighed in contentment. I've never felt like this before. Lavi's touch was just…a lot more… I don't know. His touch is always soft, gentle and kind, almost loving.

_What is that supposed to mean?_

"Well, Allen, your guess is correct. How about we play another one?" Lavi asked, taking a seat beside me. I turn my head to his direction, grabbing his hand into mine as if I was afraid he's going to leave or disappear.

_Just like a memory_

"Sure…ok!" I smiled.

"Hmm…guess what I bring for you?" he asked.

Did he bring something here earlier on? Why did he have something for me anyway? It's not like I'm working today, nor did he know anything about it. Maybe he had asked Komui before. Then, he doesn't know I'm here and yet he have it with him. Does he know that I'm going to take a walk today?

Ok, stop there Allen. You're creeping yourself up!

"Umm…you have a flower for me?" I said, not really bothering to guess.

His hand that I grasped in mine twitched, almost alerting me. Don't tell me I guess it right again this time…

"Well, yeah," _Damn… I got it right!_ I inwardly thought. "But what type of flower?"

Hmm… maybe I will get it wrong this time. Maybe… Let's hope so!

"A white rose?" 'A daisy?'

Wait… what?

I thought I say the word 'daisy' just now but… what? Why white rose? Lavi's hand disappeared from mine, only to return back. He held it, bringing it to his lips and kissed it. I was too shocked to show any reaction right now. My thoughts jumbled up; did I guess it correctly again? Why did I say differently from what I thought? How? Why…?

"Correct again, Allen," Lavi whispered. "Are you sure you're really blind? Or were your senses really that strong?"

"I-…" _I don't know,_ is what I want to say. But… somehow, my body has a mind of its own. I can feel my head rose up to look at him. My left hand reached towards him, brushing his long hair. What am I doing?

"With you, it almost as if I can see everything, Lavi"

Why is that, I wonder, that my voice sound so… sad, happy as well as nostalgic. Almost familiar, those words… Did I say it before in the past?

A blurry past…

...

"_Hey! Wait for me!" A voice of a boy shouted._

_I look back and smiled at my best friend, reaching out a hand to grasp his. He return back the smile, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth, his cheeks stretching up and wide to show the smile._

_And yet, I can't see his face. _

_Always a blur _

_Always faceless_

"_You run so fast just to climb this hill and wait for the moon and stars to come out," he panted. "Are you sure you can see them at all tonight?_

_I stared back at the night sky, clouds are thick and covering what was hidden at the other side. I closed my eyes, tightening my hold with his hand in mine, imagining us both on the same hill, under the night sky, where the moon is shining and the stars are twinkling under us…_

"_That doesn't really matter," I whispered after a few minutes of silence. "As long as I'm with you, it almost as if I can see everything, L-"_

_..._

"Allen?" Lavi voice breaks the memory away, bringing me back to reality. I can feel my hand that is still cupping his face felt wet.

_Is he…_

"Where did you get that word from?"

…_crying?_

"Lavi…?"

"I ask you, where did you get that word from?" Lavi grasped my hand that is still on his cheek, holding it there. "Where?"

I must have showed a frighten expression because he calmed down in a second, releasing my hand. Even though I don't have my sight anymore but I can tell that it's red with a slight noticeable hand print on my hand. I stayed silent. The situation is still confusing me; my feelings, my faded memories, Lavi… and his outburst.

He must be feeling pain right now. But I don't know why. Why is he crying?

"I-I'm sorry, Allen," he said, finally calming down.

I didn't say anything and continued to face him. Like before, I can't seem to be able to control my body. With my hand, I brush his tears away and smiled at him. Could be the memory my body remembered makes me to somehow unconsciously do these things?

They say that memory are made into three part in human, which are the brain, the body and the heart. I wonder if that makes me-

"It's ok," I whispered, or so I thought.

I can feel Lavi smiled, his cheeks stretched and widen, showing his teeth. I suddenly don't seem to mind imagining or picturing anymore.

"It's going to be ok, Lavi"

Lavi tenses besides me after I said that, before slowly relaxing. He sighed and began to chuckled, ruffling my hair and head locking me. It seems to be a habit now and I don't mind it. Physical touches are also important to me, other than interactions with people.

"By the way Allen, how did you know I bring you a white rose?"

I closed my eyes and lean into the bench, feeling the winds against my face. The image of thousands white petals still dancing around, and we both sat at the park. The petals seem to be dancing around us, almost like they were waltzing.

"Tell me Lavi…"

"Hm…?"

"Are there white petals flying around the park?"

"Wow… How did you know?" Lavi asked, clearly astounded. "You're really full of surprises, Allen."

"I just feel…"

I was just about to continue our conversation when a sudden aroma alerts me. The smell of coffee filled around and the sound of clicking of boots, I smiled knowingly at the direction its coming from.

"Lena, you're back!" I greet her.

Lenalee stop right beside Lavi. She must be surprised to see me talking to someone she didn't know. For being my support since we were little, all the things about my life, where I go, who I meet, what I eat… she must know everything. Or more like, she insists that she wanted to know everything.

"Hey Allen!" she greets back. "I brought you your favorite coffee!"

Reaching out my hand, she placed the coffee carefully into my hand. I heard her shifting, probably turning to look at Lavi for finally noticing him there.

"Wha- Lavi?"

_Eh?_

"Yo! Hey Lena!"

_Could it be that…_

"What are you doing here?" she asked, clearly surprised. "More importantly, how did you know Allen?"

…_that they know each other?_

_What…?_

_It seems that my life had just been turned upside down._

_Starting from now…_

^^Laven^^

(1) C.C: Crown Clown. Not C.C from Code Geass! xD

A/n: I'm sorry for late updating. I thank you all who previously review this chapter. It might be not that long, this chapter, but at least I did update! Hehehe…

To my beta, **Missus Ann**, I'm sorry about this. I finish it so late that I don't have the time to sent it to you.

Anyway, **REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 2

Today I'm alone again, standing here, just staring at the sky. The freezing winds shaking my heart, I can't move anymore.

The smile from the other day still reflected beneath my eyelids is (like) the bloom of a single flower in the corner, moistened by the tears so that it doesn't wither.

-Refrain by Miyano Mamoru

…

Blindly in Love -Chapter 2

**The past, the guilt and the new bond**

…

"You two know each other?"

They both stop talking and become silent. They must have look at each other, speechless or thinking what to say and such. Lenalee was first to compose herself and reply my question.

"Yeah," she said. Her voice has the slight quiver that I know when she's nervous. "Lavi is my classmate. We attend the same school, Allen."

"And Yu-chan too! You met him before Allen, the one you call 'girly' when we were in the music store," Lavi said, cheerful as always.

I nodded my head, indicating them that I understand. I can tell Lenalee is still nervous and I know why. As much as she likes me having friends, she doesn't want me to communicate with the wrong people.

But it's just Lavi and Kanda, so why is she nervous about? They're her friends, right?

Right?

"Again, Lavi? Did you go there to fix your guitar? How many times did you have to fix that junk, anyway?" Lenalee asked.

"Shut up… its' my baby. That thing is my precious. It's a gift given by my old best friend, so no bad talking about it!" Lavi huffed, crossing his arms.

I can tell Lenalee roll her eyes at that. I knew her too well. "That junk is practically an antique. It's ancient! Buy a new one or Kanda will definitely going to kick you, you know."

"Ahh~ whatever. I don't care. If he can't accept me and my baby, then his lost," Lavi said, leaning against the bench.

"Urgh…" Lenalee grumbled, clearly giving up.

Wow… I never thought that they knew each other. With the way they interact, I can tell they're close and just by hearing them continue to talk, I almost feel… left out. I mean, sure I barely know anything about Lavi and he's Lena's classmate, so I can understand that.

And yet, there's this cold feeling gripping my heart, tightening its hold around my heart little by little, suffocating me and chilling me at the inside, freezing me to the core. And I can't seem to be able to move and just…

…_stare at the black sky… alone in a black world, with strangers' voices surround me…_

I know this feeling. I can never forget it. It reminds me of my past mistakes, the heavy guilt and the lone tear…

_Loneliness…_

I grip the white rose in my hand, not realizing I hurt my own hand by the few thorns from the flower. I can feel my hand wet but not due to blood.

Is it perhaps… Lavi's tear?

It feels cold, almost lonely, just like how I feel right now…

Timcanpy's movement under my sweater jolted me back to reality and I thank him for that. As always, Tim can feel my distress and always try to cheer me up in his own way. I almost smile at his action if not I'm not aware of my surrounding.

"Ahh~ it's this late already?" Lavi whined beside me. He sighed and shift, probably he's going to get up and going home or something. But instead, he grabs my hand that is still holding the coffee and takes a sip. His hands feel so… warm. It's probably the coffee. "Hmm… black coffee! I always love black coffee. Great choice, Allen"

I can only nod my head while my eyes probably staring wide eyed at him. Not that I can see or anything. It's just a natural reaction. Everyone does it, so why can't I? Heh…

"Well, I've got to go before Yu-chan kill me when he realized that I'm gone!" he get up from his seat and walk a few steps. He stands in front of me, probably smiling like an idiot. And I was proven right when he takes my hand and bring it to his face. "See you around, Allen!"

And then, he's gone. He walks away to somewhere that I don't –can't- tell. The weird thing is… after he's gone… I can't _imagine_ or _picture _anything. Not even Lenalee who was still standing near the bench, just where she was five minutes ago.

_I wonder why is that…?_

"Allen…"

I know what she's going to say. I know her since we were little, even before I become blind. She's like a guardian, an angel, who looked after me. Everything about me, my life and such… she knows. She made it an oath, a promise, to take care of me. She shouldn't have… I'm glad that someone cares about me but not the point that made the person's life to turn upside down.

Sometimes I wonder what was her reasons for taking care of me other than being my friend, and the guilty and pity she had towards me. Since the incident six years ago, she changed. I can't tell anything about her sometimes.

"How do you know Lavi and Kanda?"

I know she cares. I know she's just taking care of me. I know that she's just looking out at me.

_I know…_

"We met three days ago at the music store," I said, voice empty and hold nothing. I hate it when she's become like this. I hate it when she started to ask questions. It's as if she's…

_Doubting me…_

_Not trusting me…_

"Allen, I don't want you to keep secrets from me. You should have told me!"

She's a friend. She's like a sister. And I know she sees me like that too. But sometimes I wonder if she really thinks we're like that. And yet…

"I know, Lena. I'm sorry…"

…the way she treated me… it's as if I'm her puppet, her pet, her toy. As if she owned me, or something. Like someone who obey her words, her order and do it without questioning anything.

"You promised, Allen. Remember that!"

And sometimes I wonder, if I really see her as friend, a sister and a guardian.

"I know…"

Rather than someone, a stranger who I feared the most, because said stranger knows me too well inside out and know which emotions he can use to make me suffer, bowed to his will, do as his wish and control my every action… I'm emotionally and physically naked to his eye.

Lenalee is that person.

_And I'm afraid of her…_

^^Laven^^

Since the incident at the park, Lenalee has become more and more strict around me and what I do, who I meet, who I talked to… she insist to know. It might not that obvious to some people but I can see it from her presence and her behavior. She practically emits this '_I-watch-your-every-movement_' vibe whenever she's around me.

Seriously… she's freaking me out…

I never thought she's this protective…

_Or possessive…_

Graduation day is just around the corner and I can't wait that day to happen because when Lenalee graduate, she'll be studying overseas after that and live with her aunt for three years. Don't get me wrong. It's not like I hate her or the fact that she freak me out. It's because during all this six years, she's always has been taking care of me and make me her first priority in her life.

And I admit that I feel guilty… It's not really her fault that I turned blind…

We're both feel guilty and we're both unable to do anything to amend it. The guilt keeps turning back to one of us, re-cycling around again and again. And we're helpless on what to do to forgive the other. It's just seems to be an endless battle.

But really, I hope she accept the offer to study abroad and pursue her dream. It's time for her to think of her happiness rather than mine. Because I'm fine; I can take care of myself and I'm not useless.

_I'm fine…_

Sighing, I sit in front of my piano again. Today is my working day and there's a lot of customer going around and I'm tired. I don't know why the sudden interest in music around here because usually business is slow around this part of the town. Did I miss something?

I ran my fingers atop of the lid of the keys, itching to open them again and stroke it, to hear the beautiful sound it emits. But I know better… that I shouldn't lest I want to get a full blast of nightmares. And yet, somehow, my heart beats faster whenever I remember the last time I played it. There's something in the song, something change that makes my heart beats faster. Not because of fear, but because of something that I can't explain.

_Should I play it again this time?_

Besides, Komui is at the back. He wouldn't know that I play it, just like last time.

But… I'm afraid…

And yet… I want to…

_What should I do? _

Hesitation and fear is always there, lingering around, wrapping around me. But there's also anticipation and slight thrill I feel just by the thought of playing the piano again.

_What should I do?_

I was too wrapped in my thought that I didn't hear the sound the jingles of bells. So when I feel two warm arms wrapped around my shoulder from the behind me, I immediately tensed and squeaked –I mean, yelp- in surprise.

"Woah! Sorry Allen! I though you heard me coming here," a voice said. There's a slight tinge of guilty in his voice. "I didn't mean to surprise you."

I didn't know why but my heart beat so fast right now by just hearing his voice. Did something change within me too?

…

Nah… I was just surprise, is all. That's the reason why my heart beat so fast.

I sighed, trying to calm down my heart and almost lean at Lavi's hold because of that. I can feel my cheeks warming up at the realization and almost jump out of my seat when Lavi wrap his arms around me and hug me. I know it's a friendly gesture and yet, why do I feel so flustered?

Ahh… there it goes again. My heart feels so loud in my ears right now.

"I-its ok, Lavi," I said, almost cursing at my own stuttering. "I was just… space out, I guess."

"Hmm… something on your mind, that's so bothering you that you couldn't help but thinking about it?"

"Er… yeah, something like that," I move my head and tilt upwards, trying to locate his face. Well… I did found his face; it's a few inches from mine. I know it's near but since I can't really see how far his face is… let's just say, I almost hit him in the face with my own.

And the image I'm picturing makes me giggled –I mean, chuckled-.

I don't know what's Lavi's reaction is because he didn't move a muscle. Maybe he's shock that my face is suddenly right in front of his. Well, I guess that's a payback?

Lavi move his arms that are still around me, one is still wrapped around my shoulders and the other one, and he moved it to my face, cupping my face with tender touch that made me stop chuckling. Now I'm one hundred percent sure that my cheeks are red by the gesture.

"W-what?" I asked.

I can feel his stare and it makes me feel fidgety. Is he studying me or something? Lavi's silent intensify that feeling. And really, what's up with my heart? Why won't it stop beating so hard? Is it broken?

_His hand is so cold… I can't help but to notice that_

"I just realized that line under your left eye," he said and continued to scrutinize me.

I tensed slightly and I can feel my body went rigid. I know Lavi can feel it because he let go of me and instead sit beside me and said nothing.

_Ahh… This is so awkward…_

This feels like five days ago, when we first met here, sitting in front of this black monster that I call piano and Lavi hearing me playing it. That sweet song and melody hanging around in the air and pierce through your soul, enchanting your feelings and makes you feel at ease and peace.

A song that gives me so full of nightmares…

But also a new friendship…

And I…

"So, how's my baby, Allen? I hope he didn't give you any trouble!"

"He's fine and I already finish fixing it so you can take it today," I said, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

…_didn't regret it._

"Awesome!" Lavi stand up from the seat and walking off to somewhere. Base from the direction of his footsteps, I'd say he went to the back room. Maybe he's looking for Komui.

And I was right when I heard a commotion coming from the back room. A few curses, 'Damn brat', 'Crazy weirdo' and crashing later, I hear two sets of footsteps coming out, with Lavi grumbled under his breath.

"Damnit, stop hitting my head, Komui!" Lavi said, walking towards the counter. "It hurts!"

Komui scoffed at that and walk around the counter and I heard some shuffling. Maybe he's getting Lavi's guitar. "Like that hurt you. Your uncle's kick is a lot stronger than me punching you."

"Well… that is true," Lavi said, almost sheepish. "…but that doesn't mean you can hit me whenever you want!"

"This is my store and I hit anyone who is messing with me and my worker," Komui said with the 'high and mighty' voice. I picture him looking down on Lavi while holding his glasses. Pfft…

"Whatever… Gimme my baby back, weirdo."

"…"

Lavi's just asking for it, isn't he?

"Ow! Damnit! Stop hitting my head!" He might be clutching his head right now with his face scrunch up in pain.

"A nice 'could I have my guitar back' would be nice," Komui said.

"Fine, fine… Whatever!" Lavi grumbled. I guess he's paying now because I heard the cash register open and Komui walking back to the back room. I wonder what he's always do there…

Lavi walked up to me and I turn to look at him. He stayed silent and so am I. I mean, I don't know what to say and I'm waiting for him to say something. The awkward feeling is still there, though.

"Allen," Lavi take hold of my right hand and brush it with his thumb, making me relax at the touch. "I didn't mean to offend you just now, about that… scar under your eye. I'm sorry…"

So that's why… he felt guilty for his sudden action and question. But I didn't blame him.

With his presence, I almost forgot about it. I even almost forget that I'm blind, what with me able to picture him and all…

_I still don't get it… its weird…_

Right now, I'm picturing him looking down at my hand and not meeting my eyes, a guilty look on his face and him biting his bottom lip… and he must be also feeling awkward too.

_But maybe…_

Smiling, I intertwine our fingers together. I picture him looking up in shock. So I grasp his hand in my hands and grinned at him. "It's ok, Lavi."

He smiled back at me, his face showed relief and his smile also turned to a grin, his eyes turn upwards in a crescent shape and his cheeks dust a slight tinge of pink.

…_the awkwardness will go away…_

"Yeah, thanks Allen…" he grabs my hands and holds it there. "…meeting you is the best!"

…_In time, it will be wash away._

_Like an empty seashell at the beach…_

…_and blown far, far away._

_Like a fallen dead leaf by the wind…_

…

"Yeah… me too…"

…

^^Laven^^

A/n: Finally! Chapter one is here! I'm sorry for the late update… I think I'm going to draw some fanarts about this fic. What do you guys think?

Check my dA account from my profile. I did some pics about Laven but I haven't got the time to upload it…

(1) The song actually reflected to the previous and this chapter. The first paragraph reflects the scene from the previous chapter when Lavi meet Allen at the park and in this chapter when Allen feels lonely.

The second paragraph also reflects from both chapters. It's about the scene where Lavi teared up when Allen said the exact same word like he did back in the past and in this chapter again when Allen feel lonely and realize the tears (Lavi's) in his hand.

Anyway, tell me what you think about this story (and the fanarts too if interested) and **review!**

This story is **un-beta-ed** and I don't own this story and the song. Just the awesome plot ;D


	4. Lavi's Diary

…

Blindly in Love

**Lavi's Diary**

…

_Simply liking you won't satisfy me._

_Simply admiring you won't satiate me._

_Today, too, the only thing real is my loneliness._

_If I go see you now, I'll surely end up crying._

…

**Monday -11.45 am; Sunny.**

I woke up at six in the morning as always and do my daily morning routine, which are waking up, shower and stuff, drink some water, go out to do some warming up and jog a few kilometers, then go back to my apartment, shower, eat breakfast, check my emails, do my homework and continue practicing with my other band members.

It's like that every day, over and over again.

I feel like a robot programmed to do the exact same things every day that it doesn't matter to me anymore. I used to feel bored by this routine but when I tried to change it, something will always go wrong and it leads to me having problems, which I hate to handle.

So I tried to set my routine back to the way it used to be and continue the cycle every single day of my life.

_Over and over again_

Today, like always, I'm gonna head to Yu-chan's house for band practice. Grabbing my guitar, I take my keys and jacket and head out, taking the elevator to the ground floor and get to my car. On my way there, I wonder what we are going to practice today. Yu-chan is always strict, as if there's a pole stick right up his ass, and always glaring at everyone but Alma. If he keeps on doing that, I swear he'll get wrinkles faster than my uncle Bookman.

Sigh… I wish something new to happen to me… some new changes perhaps? If I keep on continuing my life like this, I'll die bored and lonely.

But I don't want that!

Besides, I still have my dream and my purpose in life so I'm not gonna thinks about death yet.

My dream is to become a great singer and guitarist, to shower the world with my songs. And also… so my old best friend can hear it, the songs that I made and composed. So that he knew that I'm still here, somewhere, looking and waiting for him and wanting to see him again.

_Always hoping to see him again_

That's the purpose of my life: to search my old best friend and meet him again. And this time, I will never let go of him. Not like the last time…

Like that time when I was forced to move with my stupid Uncle Panda because of my ever distant parents decided to divorce. They're always so selfish that I hate them so much.

How could they, leaving and abandoning me for the sake of their careers. Sometimes, I always wonder if they ever loved me, if they really had wanted me in this world in the first place…

Anyway, I went to Yu-chan's house and we practice a new song but somehow, the song sound so wrong. It lacked something… something important… but I can't tell why and Yu is becoming impatient and began to throw death threats at me. But really, how should I know or change the song when I didn't even know what it lacked of.

And my guitar decided to break at this crucial time. Yu glared daggers at my guitar, '_Al'_, and growled out that I should fix it. I'm fine with it because it give me the reason to not practice today. So Yu-chan, Alma and I went to town while Daisya and Noise decided to hit the arcade at Yu-chan's house.

Don't ask me why Yu-chan have an arcade room rather than a dojo. Maybe he plays samurai games there and kills whoever in his path while laughing maniacally with evil glint in his eyes…

Ok… that sounds so scary.

So we went to the town. Alma said he's going to wait at the café not far where the music store is, so Yu and I go in there. I remember Yu got a call from someone when we were about to enter the store so I enter it first. I wonder why Yu don't just wait at the café with Alma. I mean, they're practically glued to each other. I know because we've been best friends for like, six years already.

Entering the store, I suddenly feel so… at ease.

I've been here many times because of my guitar and sometimes just to see Lenalee and his crazy brother, and yet never have I felt this before when entering this store. The melody surround the small room enchant me as it bounce back and forth around the room, making the sound intensify and practically everywhere that I feel as if I'm wrapped around by it.

What is this soft melody? A lullaby? A song?

It's so beautiful…

I walk and turn around and found the source of the melody.

There, in the middle of the room, is a black piano. But that's not what caught my eye. It's the boy who was playing it.

He has white or pale blond hair, his skin is also pale and his cheeks flushed pink, a serene expression on his face. With the way he played the piano, he seems to be giving a radiant white glow around him.

So white and so pure…

I unconsciously hum the melody in my head and closed my eyes, heighten my hearing senses and just concentrate on the melody.

It feels so familiar… almost giving me a nostalgic feeling. Have I heard of this before? If so, where and when?

And yet the melody sound so sad… as if it was in pain and crying.

I learned that all songs that were sung came from the bottom of the heart of the singer, or at least from their emotions and memories. And this song… it have all of them in it.

Is he crying? Is he in pain? Is he sad?

Continue hearing him playing the piano makes my heart beat so fast, making me feel so… alive. Why is that? Why is that melody both sound so painful and yet so serene and peaceful?

_Why is that, I wonder?_

The melody is becoming soft and then it ends with a last note ringing and echoing around the store, so loud and yet so soft. The boy turn his body to my direction, his eyes is still closed. Anticipation runs through in my veins, waiting for him to open his eyes and look at me. And when he did, I can practically feel my heart stop beating so fast and come to a steady beat, jolting my body to active and a shiver run up my spine.

_A strange steady beat._

Why does it sound so different? It's not the usual beat as it used to be. It's the same and yet it's different at the same time. It sounds almost familiar…

_Did I forget about this beat? Did I lose it before? Have I heard it before?_

_I don't know…_

His eyes are bluish-gray. They look so soft and yet so… empty. But at the same time it filled with so much life and emotions, as if memories played right before his eyes right now. But that's not what shocked me.

They look so familiar. As if I saw it before and this is not the first time I see it. Yeah, they really do look familiar.

_Al…_

"…Al…" I whispered that name so many times and yet that's the only part of the name I can remember; my old best friend's name.

When he opened his mouth and welcomed me, it brought me back to reality and I overcome my shock and thank him for the song. I was so nervous and panicked that I keep asking questions without waiting for him to reply that Yu have to intervene and hit my head.

Seriously… why did they like to hit my head so much? Whatever it is that made you felt so annoyed about my behavior… please refrain yourself from hitting me on the head. He's got nothing to do with it so leave him out of this. Hmph!

Ehem… anyway…

I learned that his name is Allen and that he's working there. I've been in this shop many times and yet I never saw him before. Maybe our path was never crossed before. That's why we didn't meet until now.

And also… I learned that he's actually… blind.

Someone who's world is so dark and can't see the world. It really surprised me when he said it. Because when he looked at me, he was staring right at my eyes, just like how normal people interact with one another.

And not only that, his eyes were so full of emotions and life that I actually still doubting his word about him being blind. I still suspect him for lying to me.

But when he hold my guitar that I named Al, he… there's this understanding look on his face. As if he too can feel it, the feeling the guitar gives off when you touch it. A gentle feeling, as if you're bonded with the guitar. I can tell it from his expression and he didn't fake it.

So, I trust him and his words.

Maybe this is the start of a new friendship?

And maybe… a new change…?

…

_I fell in love with you._

_In a sunset, filled with the scent of the wind, when I recall your voice and your smiles,_

_I immediately become happy._

…

**Tuesday, 6 am.**

I can't sleep. No matter how much I tried to, I just can't. The image of Allen is spinning in my mind, almost frustrated me to the point I want to cry out loud in the middle of the night.

Why? Why am I thinking of him?

Is it because of his eyes, his gentle voice or was it because of the melody that he played?

Well… All of them I suppose.

I just can't get rid of his image in my mind. His pale bluish-gray eyes, his rosy cheeks, his white hair (I noticed this when I head locking him) and his lips… they're pale pink and pouty, as if begging to be kissed and bitten for a luscious passion.

His gentle and soft voice… keeps on haunting me and yet I didn't hate it. Instead it makes me happy and relief and also… glad. Hearing his voice sends this chill run up my spine (not due to fear, mind you) and rush of blood in my veins. It makes me feel so happy and alive! It almost addictive…

And that melody he played… Somehow I know that it's not yet complete. Something is missing, half of it. I don't know what. Just like how I don't know what my song is lacking. Maybe by spending time with Allen, I might be able to figure it out.

Ahh… what is this restless feeling?

I want to see him again. I want to hear his voice again. I want to touch him again.

I'll do anything to relief this restlessness and this frustration.

_Just let me see him again_

…

_I fell in love with you, but I haven't been able to tell anyone yet._

_When I recall your voice and the way you talk, even though I 'm alone I'll become happy_

…

**Wednesday, noon. Windy…**

…something is within me.

…Something is growing.

…Something that made its presence known.

…Something dormant that is finally waking up and reacting back to life.

A strange and yet familiar feeling…

I hate this, for able to know that it's familiar, to know that I have experience it before and but I forgot what it was. What is it?

Because of me being unfocused, Yu locked me up in his study room so I can practice on my own. Or at least, try to clear my head. But…

_I can't. Not like this. Not here._

So I sneak out and decided to go for a walk and I end up at the town's park. There's a lot of flower blooming right now, especially those white roses. It's so beautiful, so white and so… pure. Just like Allen…

_Not here. Not anywhere. I just want to see-_

"_Allen"_

There, right in front of me was Allen. He was sitting by himself on the park's bench, a distant look in his eyes. They're clouded and hazy, making his eyes look dark. Despite him having that blank look on his face, with the way the wind blowing all those white petals around him, he look so angelic. Like a statue, carved for an eternal beauty.

'_Who…?'_

That was what he said but it feels as if he's not talking to me. So I grab his hand, surprising him but the recognition look on his face shows that he somehow knew that it was me and it makes me feel so happy.

We started to talking and such and he's such a surprise. I mean, how can he tell what was going on around him?

Not only that. When he said the exact same word that my best old friend to say, I can't help but lose control of my emotions and almost lashed out on him. And I can't help but let out a few tears on my left eye.

'_With you, it almost as if I can see everything, Lavi'_

I can never forget those words. Among other words he had spoken, this is one of the most treasured one. So when Allen said it… I can't help but shed a few tears.

I don't know whether it's out of sadness or happiness.

I'm sad to know that Allen is not _him._ And I'm happy to hear it again, those words, even though it was Allen who said it instead of _him_.

I learned a bit about Allen now after meeting him again. And I wish to know more of him. But I will, next time. Next time, I will surely meet him again. For now, I have to make my leave because…

…if Yu realized that I'm gone, I'll be a dead meat

Until then, I have to figure out what was it that missing in my song, and what is this familiarity, and also this strange steady beat of my heart…

…_for now, hearing his voice and see his smile are enough_

…

_The feeling of loneliness… forlorn_

_The feeling of love… sparkling_

_As I'm unable to differentiate between these two feelings, my heart becomes slowly crushed in the sunset._

…

**Friday, morning.**

Today I got a call from Komui that my guitar is already been fixed (by Allen) and that I can take it today! Ahh~ I'm so happy and excited right now.

But before that, I have to stay at my apartment that I call home. I need to do the laundry, washing dishes, fold my socks, throw away the trash that found its way on my floor and under my carpet, clean up my apartment, and set everything back to its place.

I have to do this because Yu is going to come to _visit_ me.

Heh… surprising isn't it?

He has to, because it was an order from my uncle. And it's also part of the contract anyway. My uncle is the owner of many companies. One of them is the music company where I currently working at with my other band mates. It was Alma at first who suggest that we should perform as a band and create as many songs as we want and air it all over Japan. At first, we don't really agree much at his suggestion and perform just for fun. That is, until we got a letter saying that we were offered to work and perform as an official ban member in music industry.

I didn't hate it. It's one way of showing _him_ that I'm here, waiting.

Since then, we have become famous. I'm the lead vocalist as well as the guitarist. Yu played the lead guitarist though, Alma played keyboard, Daisya played the bass and Noise played the drum. It's actually fun to be able to perform the song you made and composed with your friends.

How to say this? Its… refreshing? Yeah… kinda like that.

But lately all we did is practicing and practicing, none stop. The time where we really hang out together seems to be gone. Daisya always with Noise, despite them seems not to get along that well sometimes and Alma is always with Yu because they were best friends since they were little, way before me even there because their parents were also friend with each other.

All in all, I'm the set aside one. Just like a side dish, only being used when needed.

_I hate it…_

It makes me feel so… left out…

_I feel so lonely…_

As if I'm not there at all.

'_What's the true meaning of your existence, Lavi? You're a Bookman. Remember your place and your purpose!' _Bookman always say that.

The underlying meaning behind those words? No friends, No passion, No emotions, No nothing. Just record and see the world and understand them. No useless and time wasting dreams and hopes.

_I hate it…_

Sighing, I laid down on my sofa and look around my apartment. It's sparkling clean and spotless. Now, Yu won't whine and complain about my apartment.

Speak of the devil, Yu has finally arrived. I wonder what we're going to do today. Even though Yu is a grumpy and rude guy, he's actually a good guy in his own way. I invite him in and he just grunts, as always, and sits on my sofa.

I was expecting both of us to at least have a rest and spend the time together to have fun. But… it all shatters like a fragile glass when Yu said that we need to discuss about the band and the performance and the song and the practice and the company and and…

Aaarrghh!

I want to cried out loud so much and tear my hairs out in frustration. Why does everyone do this to me? Not only my parents, not only my uncle but even my friends too? When will they really see me?

_I hate it…_

"Kanda Yu," I whispered his name so low that he might not really hear it.

I know he can tell that I'm not myself if I say his full name. But his face didn't change. His expression is still the same and it pissed me off. Why…? Why are they doing this to me? Why Yu do this to me?

"Stop it, Kanda Yu."

"Lavi, we have to discuss about this"

Discuss? DISCUSS? Oh YEAH! We really do need to fucking discuss this! I gripped my hand in a tight fist and force a smile on my lips and stare at him in the eye.

"I said, stop it, Kanda Yu."

"What are you talking about, Lavi?"

"What am I talking about? You're asking me what?"

"…"

"All we did talk about is always practice this, company that, perform this, song that. It's always that and nothing more."

"And your point is?"

"My. Point?" Ahh… I can't hold them back… I just can't. "Yu, you've been talking about the band and the company over and over and it's always practicing and practicing whenever we meet!"

"…"

"What happen to the time where we hang out with everyone and have fun? Where has it gone to, Yu? Can't you take a break and just hang out with the others and have fun, just like before? Why-?"

"Lavi, we made a contract."

Ahh… so that's how it is. Contract.

They bound to me by contract. Do our friendship is too bound by the contract? Is that what we are? Is that how they see me?

I was never this upset before. I was never this angry before. But I can't help it. All this restlessness, all this frustration, all this confusion and the stress that building up in my system… I just can't hold them back anymore.

_I hate it…_

"Contract, huh? Was our friendship too bound by the contract, Kanda Yu? Is that the reason why you take care of me and look out at me? Contract…?"

"…Yeah"

I need to punch something. I need to throw something. I need to shout out loud and let out these angry tears. And yet… all I did was glaring coldly at him and smile an empty smile.

"I see."

_I need to get out. I need to get away._

I walk out of my apartment and turn a deaf ear when Yu call my name. I don't want to. I don't want to see him, a stranger who I call a friend.

I feel so betrayed and used.

"_I'm not myself right now so don't bother me"_

My voice sound so different, so alien and so… off. I can see from the reflection of my wall mirror of Yu's reflection. His eyes were widening a little in shock but I don't really care.

_I need to get out. Please let me out!_

Once I was out of my apartment, I don't really remember where I was going and just continue to walk. My mind is empty, my chest hurts, my eyes are prickling with unshed tears and my eyes are unfocused.

When I came into, I was staring right in front of Music Theatre shop. I went in and look around and found Allen sat in front of the piano again. Is he going to play?

Walking slowly towards him, I wrapped my arms around him. I can feel him jolt out in surprised and I feel a little guilty for that. I mean, I didn't mean to scare him. I thought he noticed me there, just like before.

He too must be deep in thought. Something must be troubling him.

Knowing that makes me feel relief, that I'm not the only one who suffer right now. It might sound selfish, but… do I really care right now?

Allen moved his head and tried to look at me but I didn't expect our face to be only inches apart. From this distance, I can see his eyes clearly and he laughs. It sounds like a bell chime in a winter night, where it was snowing and dark and yet so comforting. His cheeks flushed up in a heavy blush due to him almost leaning against me so I hug him. His warmth eases the anger within me and I relaxed a bit.

Now that his face was at this close up, I notice this red line just right under his left eye. He tensed hearing that and I let him go. I didn't mean to pry and I don't want to hurt his feelings. The air around us was becoming awkward so I ask him about my guitar and such and then look for Komui.

I ask Komui about it and all he said was that it's actually a scar. Then we start to quarrel because he said that I was bothering his busy time, which was sleeping and resting. Is that what you call busy?

Anyway, I complain like always for hurting my head (seriously, what's up with that?) and began to pay the payment for fixing my guitar and such. I apologized to Allen after that. I was so ashamed and guilty that I'm afraid to look at him in the eye.

But Allen forgives me and just smile at me. Ahh… I like his smile. I wonder why he hardly smiles because it's so beautiful, that it makes him glow.

I return the smile and grip his hands in mine. "Yeah, thanks Allen…"

My mood lifted all the way up just by his smiles and his presence alone. I wonder what made me feel like this. What made Allen so special?

"…meeting you is the best!"

I'm glad that at least, I have Allen as my new friend.

_I will make sure that I'll always by his side. Even though he didn't know that his existence alone make me happy, I will make sure that he will always happy, as much as I can._

…

A/n: Phew~ Done~ Am I updating too fast? Should I slow down a bit? :P

Anyway, the italics between the journal entries are actually a song called Ashita, Boku wa kimi ni ai ni yuku (Sekaiichi Hatsukoi OP).

When I was writing this, I'm listening to this song without knowing the meaning and then when I decided to check 'em up, I was surprised that the lyrics and the story is somehow connected! So I used it here in this story!

Anyway, this is not chapter 3, since it's not the 'entire' story cuz its based from Lavi POV from what he was encountering and feeling before and after he met Allen until the recent one. So at least after 2-3 chapters, I'll write another POV (e.g. Kanda POV).

So, how was it? Tell me in your **REVIEW!**

This story is **un-beta-ed** so I hope there isn't a lot of grammar mistakes but I guess that's impossible. I already proofread this but I might miss a few things so tell me in your review ne~ ^^


	5. Chapter 3

…

Blindly in Love –Chapter 3

**Reminiscing**

…

Do you know what it's like to lose your eyesight so suddenly and realize that you won't be able to see the world again? The colorful world that you used to know will only have one color, black? Where all the wonderful beautiful colors will vanish from your sight and just become remains in your memory?

And how you wish you could remember them all but unable to see them again? To keep reminding yourself what everything looks like: the colors, letters, numbers and shapes, so that you're not even a step behind on the current of knowledge when you get your eyesight back and remember as how they used to be?

At first, it left me with so much shock. Unable to see everything and yet continue living… it feels as if I'm already dead and yet alive at the same time. It's a never pleasant feeling.

But then, I don't really care back then. I was on the verge of giving up and yet, I want to move forward. Two different decisions and yet at the same time, there's none. I don't care about losing my eyesight, but at the same time it's bothering me.

_I don't know anymore_

That's what I used to think. I don't know and I don't care. Or was I don't want to know and tried to ignore everything…? I can't remember…

What's the use? Why should I continue to live?

In the end everyone will leave me and I will die alone, anyway.

Just like my parents abandoning me. Just like Mana and uncle Neah leaving me. Just like my old best friend vanish –no. He didn't

Was I the one who let him go? Was he running away from me? Or was it the other way around?

Those questions keep on spinning in my head over and over again before and still are now. I can't remember his face and his name due to the accident a few years ago, an accident that leave a scar on my left eye. But back then, I still have my eyesight, so continue living despised being broken was tolerable.

I manage but to have my eyesight taken away from me not long after that… I'm surprised how I manage to keep on until now. To keep going forward, no matter what… Now that I reminiscing, I now realized that I've been through so much hardship and pain all this time. The accident back then… was not an accident at all. I know who did it and the reason behind it.

It was the Noah Family; the family where Mana and uncle Neah were from.

I still remember everything that happen at that time like it was yesterday. At that time, it was a few months after the death of Mana and I'm staying with Master since I have to sell my house, the house that Mana, uncle Neah and I used to live, in order to get money. I sell everything: my clothes, my books and even the precious things that we shared in that house. I sell everything except my album and my piano.

Yes… It's _my _piano. Mana make sure that I have it and not given to anyone else. He makes that a will that I must obey and keep that in my mind.

And that's all I have left to remember the memories I have about them both.

I thought that my pitiful life will stop there but how wrong I was about that. My best friend has to move out with his uncle back at Asia, but at which part, I don't know. He was planning on moving in with me after something happen with his family, if I'm not forgotten but not only Master objects it, his uncle too.

And we were separated then. I still remember how I tried to chase after him as he was taken away from me. Among other things that hurt me, this one somehow hurt me the most. I can't remember why but I assumed that it must be because he's the only friend that I have, one that understand me the most and always by my side regardless of what happen. Someone that was not my family but still love me for whom I am (Master doesn't count in this category). But I can no longer remember his face, his voice and his name and all the memories that we shared. Whether I remember or I forget, it still leaves me in a lot of pain. I'm breaking little by little.

_I miss him. I want to see him again but… it's impossible in my situation._

And the reason I lost those precious memories was none other than the Noah Family.

They are greedy rich bastards who want everything that I have and take them away from me. They want the piano as well as the song that my uncle gave me. The only thing I have… they want to take it away. But I won't let that happen and I will never hand it to them.

When Mana and uncle Neah was in dire situation, they never came to help, their own family members. I don't care if they ignore me but for them to turn their heads away from their own family, from Mana and uncle Neah… I will never forgive them.

They give me countless warnings and threats but I ignore them and continue with my life, protecting what was mine and continue to hope that I'm strong enough to hold their wills, to let it alive, the song that I love so much.

But regardless of my strong will, I'm just a kid after all. A fourteen year old orphan…

I've been through a lot of tortures after that. They live up to their reputation on being evil and greedy bastards after all. There's kidnapping, robbing, threats from thugs, breaking and entering, attempt of murder and rape… I manage to escape from all of them and I thank God for that.

But… one of their attacks had done a number of injuries on me. They made it look like an accident but I know better. They tried to run me with a car when I was crossing a street and I manage to avoid that too. But… they did hit me with the car and I lost my memories after that. Even though I regain most of them, it still leads me empty and incomplete. My treasured memories with my precious people… they are all I have. I suffered amnesia and I can't remember nor retrieve any memories about my best friend. All I remember was his green eyes and the feelings I have about him.

Master, who becomes my guardian after he got the approval from the court, fends off all those bad things from my life and we move out, to start travelling around the world. Despite him being a rude and arrogant old man, I'm glad for his presence alone.

Even though I lead a harsh life after that… Ha-ha ha…

Our last stop was Japan and we've been living here for six- no, five and a half years, to be exact. I made a new friend, Lenalee and her brother Komui. Along the way of our travelling, I made a few friends too. There's Narein from India, Arystar Krory the third from Europe, Noise Marie and Miranda Lotto from England and lots more…

**End of flashback**

…Now, Lenalee is my close friend and she's been through so much just to help me too. She's like a sister to me and I'm glad we meet each other back then at the elementary school when she's visiting England when we were little and become friends.

And now, I made a new friend, Lavi. We just met and we still don't know anything about each other but somehow, I felt like I know him and I'm really happy for the friendship that we have now.

One day, I will remember all the memories of my best friend back and surely one day, we will meet again. For now, I just live for what I have at this present. I just hope that the future will be brighter than before.

"Hmm? What are you smiling about, Allen?"

Lavi's voice brought me from my deep thought. I smiled sheepishly at him and shake my head. "N-Nothing… Lavi"

"Ehhh… come on! Tell me!" Lavi grab my shoulders and shake me a bit. "Are you thinking about foods again?"

"D-Don't say anything stupid, Lavi. I didn't think about that all the time, you know…" I can feel a blush creep up itself across my cheeks. I can't believe I space out like that…

"You're lying, Allen. You're blushing, so that means you're lying!"

Ahh… Lavi shouldn't have mentioned anything that related to food. Now my stomach grumbled so loud that Lavi paused in convincing me that he's right and laugh out loud. He's a meanie… if only I can hit him right now…

But… I don't mind. After all… he's going to pay for my annoyance with foods anyway.

…

"Aww, come on Allen… I already apologized and treat you with foods, aren't I? Stop pouting or I'm gonna cry," Lavi said. He was on his knees and gripped my sleeve to stop me, sniffing a bit. "…for real."

I sighed and turn to face him with a blank 'I-don't-believe-you' face. A slight twitch of my eyebrow must be visible to him because he starts to sob a little. The image I picture him is just too cute right now but it what makes me feel annoyed too. I mean, sure he did bought me foods… or should I say, food? He bought me only one cupcake and a small one too! I really felt like hitting him right now, this Lavi…

"Uwaa… Allen is angry~"

Calming myself down, I grab his hand that is still gripping my (precious) sleeve and pry it open with soft touch so he can relax because if I force it, he'll only grip harder.

"L-Lavi… I'm not mad at you so don't worry"

"…Allen… really? You mean it?"

"Yeah…"

"Sniff… Allen, you're really a nic-"

"So, let go of me this _instant_."

"-aaangryyy….! Uwaa…"

Ahh… I know he's not a cry baby and this is only a friendly tease but I really am annoyed by that _one_, single cupcake he bought for me. He's such a teaser!

But really... The image I picture him is really cute. He's like a slave begging for his master not to leave him.

Ah! I mean… like a lover who doesn't want his love to leave him.

EH! That's not it! Ahh… what am I doing? Sigh… he'll be the death of me, this Lavi.

I brush his hair softly and smile at him. He stopped crying at that, that's a relief because he's so loud. I'm not used to so much attention and loud sounds of someone's voice at me. I used to Lenalee's soft voice, Komui's gentle voice and Master's harsh tone… but never a friendly and teasing voice.

"I'm not angry at you Lavi, really. So stop crying, ne?"

I picture Lavi stare at me with wide eyes, a smile began to form on his lips, and a soft look on his face. Even though when I picture him, he's always colorless, it doesn't matter. Lavi is my friend.

"I'll buy you a dinner next time Allen so forgive me for now, kay?"

Lavi take a hold of my hand on his hair and take it to his lips, kissing it. I can feel my heart beat so fast in my chest right now but not so loud and not so faint either; just the right rhythm. And I…

…_like it_

"What's this?"

Komui's voice jolted us both and I quickly retrieve my hand from Lavi. I can feel my blush deepen due to embarrassment. I can't believe I let my guard down just now.

"What? Komui…?" Lavi asked, also surprised.

"Y-you look like you're proposing to Allen, Lavi…"

A dead silent befall us after Komui uttered those words. I hid my red face by turning away from them while Lavi might staring wide eyes at Komui, a realization as well as shock might showed on his face. And perhaps, he too also is blushing right now.

"W-what…? Propose?" Lavi choked out. "I-I'm not! I was just offering dinner to Allen…"

"Is that could be… a date, Lavi?" Komui asked.

Ahh… I can't hear this anymore. My heart beat so fast in my chest, as if it wanted to jump out of my ribcage and fly away and my cheeks feel so hot that I'm surprised that I didn't feel dizzy or pass out by now.

"E-Ehh…? Well…" Just when I'm about to hear Lavi's answer to that question, his phone started to ring. He got up from his kneeling and went to the door. I wonder who call him.

"So, Allen," Komui started, "did something going on between you two?"

"N-No! You got it all wrong, Komui!" I said, trying to make him believe me.

But when he hummed instead of giving an actual answer… I know that he didn't believe a single word I said. I mean, the evident is right in front of him and he clearly saw it with his own two eyes when Lavi kneel in front of me and kiss my hand.

I inwardly moan. Why did Lavi do that anyway? Come to think of it, he always touched my hands and this is the second time he kissed my hand, if I remember correctly. No one has ever done that to me before. One of the reasons is because no one dares enough to touch me, always thinking that I'm fragile and afraid that if they did touch me, they will break me. Second was because I didn't like being touch because I feel uncomfortable about it.

The only people that I allow to do that are Lenalee, Komui and Master.

Why didn't I notice it before that Lavi touch me? Was it because his touch somehow felt…familiar? Or was it because of the feel of comfort, and acceptance, acknowledgement and this… strange feeling that I've been feeling for the past few days?

The jingles of bells alert me back to reality. Is Lavi done talking with whoever that is on the phone?

"Ma… Whatever you both have, I'm glad because for the past few days after you meet Lavi, you seem to be a lot more happy, Allen," Komui touch my shoulder as reassurance and walk to the back room.

What does he mean by that…?

"Allen," Lavi said.

I turn towards him and hold out my hand in response. He grabs it, like it was natural to him too, and brings me closer to him. His warmth… I actually can feel it right in front of me. Are we standing too close, because I thought I heard his heart beat?

"About the dinner… can we make it a date?"

…_eh?_

Did I hear right? But why? I mean, we're just friends right? The idea is actually… I don't mind it at all.

"…why?"

"I thought it's obvious?"

I can't move at all as Lavi brush my hair from my forehead with soft touch, trailing to the back of my head and stop at my cheek, cupping it in his cold hand. His face was a mere inch from mine…

"I want to spend some time with you, Allen"

He move forward and kiss my cheek. And all I could do was gripping his shirt with my two hands on his chest. I don't know if I should push him away or pull him closer, so I just close my eyes.

The only thing I notice was our heart beat fast…

…in the same rhythm.

_Beat as one…_

…

A/n: Woah… Lavi! What the hell was that? Who told you to move that fast? Ahh… Allen is weak against the offer of foods… Damn you, stupid rabbit for tricking my cute Allen! *sobs and runs away with trailing tears*

Ahh… here is the third chapter :D You guys must be really happy right now cuz I'm updating fast, right? Right? RIGHT? Hehehe… *grins*

Ehem… anyway… Thank you all for the awesome reviews! Some of you even check my deviantart! It makes me really happy~ And you all seems to be focusing on Kanda and Lenalee being the 'bad' person in this story… don't worry. I'll write their POV so you guys can know what are their feelings and thoughts are. Especially Kanda and Lavi, I suppose.

But none of you realized how Lavi address Kanda. At first, he call Kanda 'Yu-chan', but then it changed to just 'Yu' and then changed again to Kanda Yu/Kanda. It shows Lavi's feeling in regard of Kanda and how hurt he was. Sigh…

As always, the usual warning: its **un-beta-ed.** You guys should know this by now…

Welp… **Please Review!** Will I get more 60 reviews this time? If so, then I WILL update… :D


	6. Chapter 4

A/n: first of all… I want to say thank you for the reviews even tho it didn't reach to 60 reviews… and I want to say that I'm going to draw a fanart based from this story, from the previous chapter when Lavi asked Allen on a date. I'm going to draw when Lavi kissed Allen's cheek. Go to my dA account if you wanna see it/fav it and leave a comment (please~).

Warnings and disclaimer are still the same.

…

Blindly in Love –Chapter 4

**T**hrow **a**way **t**he **o**ld **a**nd **b**ring **o**n **t**he **n**ew

…

I'm going to have a date with Lavi.

Today, three days after he said that, after he's asking me to have a dinner with him, is the day of our date.

I'm actually feeling nervous right now.

Is it normal for a normal friend (who you barely knew anything about) asked you on a date with him, a guy, none the less?

I don't know… I'm confuse and nervous right now. I'm having a nervous breakdown right now. I don't know what to wear, how I should act later or what we're going to do during our date and such. And it's a lot trickier because I'm blind and I don't know how I look or the clothes that I wear. I don't even remember how I look like or the color of my eyes, my skin tone and my hair color.

Was my hair white, my eyes were dark gray and my skin was alabaster? I think so…

Ahh… what should I do? How should I choose what to wear for this occasion when I don't even remember how I look like? Come to think of it, what makes Lavi attracted to me? Was it because I'm blind and an easy target? Or was it because I played the piano?

Sometimes, it just hurt me with all of this confusions and uncertainties and doubts. It makes me think of bad things and make stupid and empty assumption.

I shook my head vigorously and slap my cheeks with both hands. Get a grip, Allen; you have to focus on the task at hand right now. What should I wear? If I remember correctly, Lenalee bought me dark and black clothes, most of them and some light clothes like white, blue and light gray. Maybe I should call her to help me?

Nah… that's a bad idea. She will ask many questions and if I lie, she will get suspicious of my action and follow me instead, which what I tried to prevent from the very beginning. So what should I do?

C.C walk around my legs and began to purred, seeking my attention, which I gladly give. I stroke his long fur and begin to pet him on the head. C.C continued to purr and I lifted him up and lay him on my lap. I can feel his body relaxing under my touch and begin to feel drowsy as he yawned and curled up, his breathing slowing to a slow rhythm.

I sighed and called Timcanpy. He flew into the room and land on my head, snuggling there like always. I chuckled and tap him, and he responded by purring. Ii wonder if Tim can help me choose what I should wear tonight.

"Hey, Tim," I grab him and placed him in my cupped hands. "Can you help me choose what outfit I should be wearing for my date today?"

Tim tilted to the side, as if questioning his confusion before floating away. I wonder where he gone off to…

A sound of door burst open startled me. I placed C.C on the bed and make my way to the front, taking a steel baseball bat along the way. I waited patiently –yet nervously and anxiously- near a doorframe for the intruder to around a corner so I can smack that person with my baseball bat. I calmly trying to hear the footsteps over my wildly beating heart and as the footsteps getting nearer to my hiding place, I rounded the corner and swing the bat, only to have it intercepted.

OH MY GOD! What should I do? Should I scream?

"Damn it brat, what do you think you're doing half naked and swinging steel baseball bat? Are you high?" A familiar –and annoying- voice reach my ears and I relaxed slightly –just a little- and almost pout and grumbled under my breath.

"Master, please don't scare me like that," I sighed and lowered the bat, using it as a support. "And if you could, please knock and enter like a sane and normal person would when you want to enter someone's house. This is breaking and entering!" I huffed, crossing my arms.

"Idiot brat! if I waited for you to open the door, I'd be growing my gray hair when you finally open it!" He said, puffing out smokes after he inhaled his cigarette. "Besides, Tim called me. He said you needed some help."

I almost smack my forehead and cussed under my breath. Tim… he's too good for his own self… sometimes…

I sighed again, this time in defeat as my Master tugged me towards the direction of my room and throw me across the room and I landed on my bed. Really, if anyone saw this, they will think along the lines of 'The Master is going to do hardcore perverted xxx stuff to that poor blind kid!', and just watching from aside because they were either too afraid to stop Master or the situation is too amusing for them to stop Master from performing it… which in my case –pain and torture.

"Oof! Geez, Master, please be careful with my head," I said, rubbing the back of my head as it bounced on the mattress, making me feel a tad bit dizzy.

"Stop complaining or I won't help you to look dashing for your date!"

I glared across the room where I assumed where Master was currently standing at. "The hell! I-… wait! How did you know I'm going on a date?"

Master snort at that and walk around the room, opening my wardrobe and drawers, shuffling through my things and throw them around. I suppressed a growl when I heard a crash not far from the bed. He better not destroyed the important stuff.

"You think just because I let you live alone means you're going to be totally out of my sight and get away from my torture? Never! Only in your dreams~…" he sang, mockingly at me.

This time, I did growl at him. "Then why in the world did you let me live alone in the first place? Besides, you live next door… so it doesn't make any different!"

"Ahh… yes, of course." He said, sighing, almost as if he disappointed in me or something. "…I only do that because so I can take the ladies and not hearing you cursing about how your virgin ears and eyes are gonna bleed to oblivion and writhing in pain, rolling around as if you're dying… it's so annoying."

I must have the disbelieving and 'I-knew-it-look' on my face because Master started to snicker and continue to throw random stuffs onto the floor. I sighed dejectedly, wondering how my hope on escaping Master's death grip had just been crushed onto the floor like a bug.

"…here"

"What?" I blinked and refocus my attention back to my Master. I can hear him 'tsked' and walking towards me, who still sitting on the bed, half naked, with my Master in my room… ok, I should stop freaking myself.

"I said, come here, idiot brat!" He grasped my forearm and dragged me to the end of the bed, tugged something and trying to put a shirt on me while I sat there, dumbfounded and shocked. When I heard him giving and impatient sigh, I move my arms up so he can put the holes for where the hands go to easily. When he's done, I touch the shirt and almost squealed in happiness. I know this feeling, the feeling of the fabric from the base of my fingertips and the nostalgic memory that flashed through my eyes… This is the shirt I wear when I was in China, meeting Bak Chan and Fo! It's a sleeveless high collared black shirt and I've always like –loved this shirt! It's so comfortable and downright awesome!

"Where… How… This… yeah!" I stumbled for words but I just can't describe it, this feeling.

"Way to go with words, idiot brat," Master said, puffing out smokes again. "…are you sure you're gonna go just like that?"

"Hell yeah, of course. I mean, why not? What's wrong with it? You're the one put it on me, Master."

"Well, for starters, people would love it if you cover your lower half. But then again, all people are perverts in their own way so I take that back. People would love to see that pale legs of yours, Allen." He said it so calmly, puffing and inhaling that cancer stick of his in smugness. I can practically feel his stare on my pale creamy… thighs…

"P-Pervert Master! Why you didn't tell me?" I hastily look for a pair of pants that lied around the floor and put them on. It's a baggy pants and I must say it fit well with the tight shirt.

Master snort in amusement and I can tell he's enjoying every bits of embarrassment that I feel because he's just plain sadistic like that. Ergh… how I wish I could strangle him right now.

We stand there in silent, both of us deep in our own thought. After a few minutes, Master decided to break it and asked me, "So, who's your date?"

Ehhh… is that protectiveness that I hear in his voice? I smiled softly and made my way to the bed, petting C.C who sleeps soundly like nothing happen around him. Ahh… the protective fatherly side of Master is kicking in.

"…a friend."

"Not that hot and cute Lenalee girl?"

"No! Lenalee is like my sister! She's not like that in my eyes, or mind… whatever." I huffed and crossed my arms, almost pouting. Why Lenalee? I don't like her that way.

"Then who is it? Don't tell me its random girl that picked up on you while you're at work."

I can hear the horrified and yet cheekiness in his voice. Typical Master…

"No, it's not some random girl! I know him for a week and we're friends!"

"…"

"…"

"…Allen"

"What?"

"Did you…just said…he?"

"…"

"Meh, so you did swing that way. Of course…"

"W-What? N-No! You misunderstand Master!"

"…really?" Again the teasing tone is there. I wonder why he approves of me going out with a guy and not a girl… Master is weird.

"Really!" I said, almost shouting.

"Then explain to me why you're still clinging to that hope, that one day, you're going to see _him_ again? He, a guy you used to –and probably is still- loved?"

"…" why is he bringing that up now? Of course, I can't deny that he's right. My best friend… I loved him. These feelings I have for him, are always there inside of me, telling me that he does exist and it will never fade away. And I…

…_can't let it go. I can't let him go…_

"…because I know he'll find me and I promised him that I'll wait for him."

_I will wait for him… eternally wait for him if I have to!_

…_because I know he will find me even if it takes forever_

Master sighed and walk towards the doorway, pausing in his steps and inhaled his cigarette again. But this time, it's almost as in a hopeless gesture. "…a noble who's hold on to his promise but a fool who's still keeping it. You should learn to let go. Remember to move on forward, that's Mana's will."

He walk towards the front door, opens it and closed it softly, leaving my house empty and lonely like they're always have been. But instead, now, it leaves a heavy and sad feeling.

I didn't notice the silent tears falling from my right eye until Timcanpy wipe it away.

…

It seems that Lavi forgot to ask me where I live and thus the reason why he was late at fetching me for our date. In my time waiting for him, I thought Lavi forgot or he decided to cancel it… or something. He ask Komui for my address and he drove like crazy drunk old man to my apartment, dashed using the stairs not minding the elevator at all and knock on my door like someone tried to murder him.

I almost freaked out and open the door hastily, only to have Lavi not expecting the door to open and fall right onto me. He manage to save my head from collapsing and hit the floor though, like a gentlemen he was and apologized to me and explain everything in one single breath for the reason of his lateness.

I tried to stop him mid sentence and smiled reassuringly but he didn't listen so I let him spill everything –every guilt feelings ha have though I wonder why there's so many of them- and promised me that the date is going to be awesome and wonderful for me.

I almost laugh at the desperation and pleading tone in his voice.

When he's finally done, he takes my hand and led me out and to his car. Tim managed to snake in to my jacket I wear –because it's cold at night- and snuggled for warmth. He always looked after me, like a small goof ball of angel. Hehe…

"I see you're happy at seeing me, Allen." Lavi said, grinning at me. Again, the image of him in my blind eyes flashed as if I can see him. Even though I kinda hesitate but I welcome them this time. Almost accepting them…

And this time, there's a bit of color too, which confused me. But I let it to the back of head to think for later. Right now, I have to focus on dating with Lavi.

"…so I found this old place that I used to go to so we're gonna go there! It's an awesome place!"

I just nodded and let Lavi lead the way.

_Because I trust him…_

…

"Lavi, where are you taking me?"

Lavi just chuckled and continued driving. What is so funny that made him laughing anyway? I must have said that out loud because Lavi began to chuckling again.

"Well, for starters, wipe that suspicious look on your face, Bean sprout. I'm not kidnapping you, especially not if you're willingly following me"

I almost stop hearing the rest of the sentence after he said the word _Bean sprout_ and widen my eyes at him. "What do you mean by _kidnapping_, Lavi?" I glared at him and balled my hands into a tight fist, my body ready to get on a defensive mode.

"Relax, Allen. I was just joking…" Lavi snorted. I can practically feel him rolling his eyes. "It's just… you've been tensed and fidgety since you climb the car. Please just try to relax and just… trust me, kay?"

There's a pleading tone in his voice, almost begging. Did I hurt his feeling? I didn't mean to. I've never been away at night, not even with Lenalee, Komui or Master. Not since I'm turning blind. The last time I did… let's just say, it's not a good thing for me to do. So I can't help it but feel tense and anxious, almost to the point I'm doubt Lavi.

"S-Sorry, Lavi" I look down in shame, knowing my reason might sound stupid to him. "I've never went out during the night. I always stayed in my apartment. So this is actually… the first time…"

_I hope he won't think I'm weird…_

Silent befall us in this cramped car and I fidgeted again nervously, only this time, for a different reason. I wait for Lavi to say something, silently anticipating that he understand my situation and tell me not to worry. The typical answer…

But instead, I got this.

"So, you're what, a reverse vampire, Allen?"

I almost face palm myself and sighed dejectedly. Seriously, Lavi is so different than any normal people I've met. Well, Lavi is _not_ normal, considering his unpredictable actions and childish behavior. He always this playful but sometimes, it's just a lot more annoying than funny.

My expression must have showed how annoyed I was because Lavi chuckled and grabs my hand, squeezing it in a comforting and reassuring gesture, making me instantly calmed down.

"Sorry, sorry. I was just joking," he said softly, all traces of playfulness gone. Just a gentle and comforting voice…

"So," he started again after a brief silent. "…was the reason why you didn't come out at night was because it's dangerous?"

"Well, one of the reason, yes"

"Hmm…" he hummed, as if pondering what he's going to say next. "So, your other reason was…" he paused.

I grip his hand that is still holding mine and smiled. "Go on…"

He cough, almost in a nervous gesture. "…was because you're blind?"

"Yup," I nodded my head. "You know, you don't have to feel bad talking about me being blind. I don't mind."

"Y-Yeah… thanks…"

"Lavi"

"Yeah?"

"You haven't answered my main question"

"Which is…?"

"Where are you taking me?"

"Where…? Oh! We're here!" Lavi said suddenly. He parked the car and switch off the engine, unbuckling his seat belt and was halfway in opening his door only to stop when he finally noticed that I didn't move an inch.

"Come on, Allen! You're gonna love this!"

Sighing dejectedly, I complied…

_Did he forgot that I can't see what he's gonna show me… again?_

_Seriously…_

...

"Whoa… what a wonderful breeze! This feels nice…" I sighed in contentment as I step out of the car and open my arms wide, just feeling the nature around me. Wait… nature? Are we in a forest or something?

Lavi wrap his arms around my waist from behind, almost making me jumped in surprise, and hug me tightly, resting his head on my shoulder. "This feels like the movie called Titanic, except we're on top of a hill instead of a ship."

"L-Lavi" I called him. "Where are we, exactly?" I stammered.

"Allen, remember to relax," he whispered, snaking one of his hand around my shoulder. "We're at one of the most beautiful place of Japan's hotspot. My secret place where we can watch the sky, enjoy the view of the city below us or just plainly enjoy anything and nothing."

I know he didn't mean any bad thing but Lavi seems to keep forgetting that I'm blind. And it makes me feel bad that he brought us to a wonderful place for our date but I can't even see it and probably can't enjoy it with Lavi.

"I know what you're thinking, Allen"

I stiffen at that and just look down, trying to cover my face with my long bangs from him, even though he can't really see me since he's behind me. Lavi tighten his hold on me and move his hands up and down, trying to comfort me, I guess.

"That's why I told you to relax. It's ok, I don't judge you. I just want you to enjoy this night," Lavi said in a whispered voice, almost like chanting spell to my ear, making me unconsciously relaxed in his hold and rest my head against his chest. "Please, just trust me."

_Please, Allen, just trust me…_

What…?

_I will come back and find you…_

_So please, trust me and wait for me, Allen._

Wha… What is this voice inside my head? A memory?

"Allen? ALLEN! Are you ok?"

Lavi panic voice reached my ears and when I came into, I was lying on the ground, and my head was laid on Lavi's lap while he caressed my cheek. It feels so comfortable in Lavi's touch, that I almost dozed off to sleep.

"Allen? Please, answer me!"

"I-I'm ok, L-Lavi…" I stammered out.

"What happen? You suddenly blacked out… did you feel dizzy or cold?" Lavi asked many questions, his panic and distress is evident in his voice. I always made Lavi feel bad or troubled. And yet, he never said anything about it and just accepted me as his friend.

_I'd never deserve someone as good as Lavi._

_Maybe that's why I've never met my best friend again after these years._

_And maybe that's why God take the precious memories of him from me._

"Ahh! W-Why are you crying? Are you hurt? I'm sorry!"

I touch my cheek and feel the wetness from the tears, and chuckled. Lavi stop apologizing and stared at me –I can feel his stare- and tried to wipe them away.

"S-Sorry, Lavi. I don't know what happen just now," I said with a shaky voice, covering my face with my hands. "Something came over me and I just lost it, I guess."

"Lost to the feelings it bring?" he whispered in a surprisingly understanding voice.

"Y-Yeah…" I sighed. "A memory just came over me and the feelings were just intense that I lost control of my emotion."

"I know how that feels," Lavi take my hands, trying to uncover my face. "Don't try to hide it or shun it away, Allen. Accept it, slowly and try to understand them. Maybe you'll get an answer."

I sighed and closed my eyes. Lavi brushed my bangs away softly, as if trying to comfort me from the uneasiness I feel. He's right though. I should try to understand all those flashed of memories instead of running away from it. Maybe Lavi too have similar problem.

"Better?"

I nodded my head and try to sit up. Lavi helped me and we sat there for a few minutes in silence before I broke it. "By the way Lavi, I thought we're going on a date? If I remember correctly, you're going to treat me into a dinner?" I raised an eyebrow at him questioningly and Lavi just laugh.

"Way to go to ruin the mood, Allen," he said, still laughing. "Yup! This is a date~ and yes I am going to treat you to a dinner!"

"…In the middle of nowhere, on top of a high hill, with nothing to eat?" I asked, my face must have showed how incredulous I thought of this situation and Lavi huffed, as if he felt insulted.

"Yes, yes and no," he tsked and flick my forehead. I rubbed the sore spot and glared at him but Lavi continued like nothing happen. "I figured that if I brought you to a restaurant, you will feel uneasy so I brought you here instead-"

"…without foods to eat," I interjected.

"-with foods that I cooked just before I come to get you," he finish his sentence as if Ii didn't had just intercepted him.

"So wait here so I can get the picnic rug and lots and lots of picnic basket, just for you. Well, of course for me too or I'll be hungry. That wouldn't be called dinner then if you're the only who only gets the foods."

I stared at where he had just been sitting as Lavi stand up and walk back to the car, getting all the stuff from the trunk and the back seat of the car. I wonder why I hadn't realized the smell of foods and then remembered that I was so nervous that I can't even think straight, much less concentrating on smelling things.

In the end, I eat most of the foods while Lavi eat a little –a portion of the foods- and now we just sat in silence and enjoying the cold night breeze. I'm glad Lavi didn't bring me to a restaurant or it'll be hard for me not to embarrass both of us because of my blindness.

I lay on the ground –my head on Lavi's stomach even though Lavi said I'm hurting him- with Lavi hovering from behind me, both of his legs perched up next to each side of me, like a barrier of some sort, and just enjoy each other's company.

I never thought that I would ever date a guy. Well, as far as I remembered about my past life, I've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, or even someone special –other than my Mana and Neah, of course- and my best friend was just someone I hold onto.

At least, I think so.

I can't remember much, thanks to that Noah family.

But if I remember correctly-

"-there's a time when I was sitting like this with my best friend late at night and just enjoy the view. Just like us, sitting like this and stared at the bright full moon and the twinkling stars…" Lavi voiced cut through my thought and I almost stared at him in shock. But I didn't say anything and just Lavi continued his reminiscing.

"I know I did say he's my best friend but I love him so much that I couldn't… hold them inside anymore and confessed to him. I though he's going to push me away and said he hates me before running away, leaving me. But,

"Instead, he smiled at me his wonderful smile and said he might feel the same way. We shared our first kiss then and it feels just right, you know. We didn't do anything more but at that time; it was enough as long as we have each other.

"But now, I missed him. I wish I could see him again and tell him how much I- Oh! Sorry, Allen…"

Huh?

Ohh…

I somehow unconsciously wipe the tears that leak through Lavi's eyes and just stared at him. I wonder how I know he's crying. His voice didn't quiver and he tells the story like he's telling a bedtime story to a kid. And yet, I know he's crying.

I smiled softly at him and cupped both of his cheeks, pushing them to make him look like a gaping fish and Lavi chuckled.

"That's a wonderful story. I wish I have a story like that. So much emotions even though there's sadness and sorrow in them," I whispered.

"I'm sure you have your own story. Mine was just dramatic and cliché…" Lavi chuckled, shaking his head.

I smiled and closed my eyes, imagining the moon and the stars shining down at us. Lavi brushed my bangs away and kiss my forehead, stunning me. He continued downwards towards my temple, to my nose and lingering above my lips. I can feel his breath wash over my face and I have to take in a breath at the sudden closeness.

"…just like us tonight," he whispered and leans down, capturing my lips in a chaste kiss.

…

A/n: Whoop~ CLIFFHANGER! That's a revenge for me not getting 60!*pouts* you guys are meanie…

Anyway, be grateful cuz this is 10 pages long with 5,000 words and I stayed late at night just to write this for you guys, my awesome readers! So please **review**, kay?

Next is Lavi's pov THEN Kanda's pov. So be prepared for a HUGE SURPRISE on what coming next~ Kukuku…

And this chapter, yet again, is _**not beta read**_. My beta is busy and I'm just gonna give her a week more rest before blasting all the chapters she must gone through so I can update more freely with easy feeling. :D

Btw I hate Doumeki for marrying Kohane! WHY? WHYYY? Poor Watanuki…

**REVIEW! ***stared at readers*


	7. Lavi's Diary II

A/n: Thank you all for the reviews –even tho I can count them with one hand- and I really appreciate it! Do you guys want me to draw a fanart about the previous chapter? If yes, then please tell me, ne? :)

And I already have plan the future plots for the sequel of this story! Fast, I know. Don't worry though; this story still has a long way to go.

Disclaimer: I did not own DGM. Just lots and lots pics of LAVEN! O

Warning: Slight lemon, I guess…? :D I warn you so no saying bad things to me, kay? :3

You guys will love me for this, I'm sure!

…

Blindly in Love

**L**avi's **D**iary –Part II

…

"Ahh… La-Lavi…"

His voice sounds like a song in my ears. The way he moaned out my name sends shiver run up my spine, and blood rushed in my veins, making me feel light headed and high. Intoxicating… that's what Al is to me. Like a drug, I'm so addictive to Al.

"Al… does it feels good?"

I lick the precum that started to leak from his member and keep on pumping it, making him moan louder. A heavy blush covered his face, his eyes closed and his eyebrows furrowed, and his teeth are grinding, trying to hold out a moan, trying to hold on his cum and trying to take all the new pleasures that are running through his body right now.

"Ahh! Hmm…"

I always loved Al. He's my first friend and my first love and he's also my first lover, the one who I want to stole his virginity. I know we're still kids and that what we are doing most presumably wrong in the eyes of society but… I don't care. I loved Al.

_He's my first and my last. I only want him and only him._

"L-Lavi… please…"

Taking all of him, I suck hard on his member and hummed, massaging his sacks at the same time. Al gripped my hair and I know he's close. I bobbed my head up and down, making sure when I deep throat him I swallowed, trying to relax my gag reflex as much as I can. I want him to feel the pleasure and the love and lust I have for him.

"Nghnn… I'm c-close…"

I put his member half way inside my mouth when he came, trying to drink as much as I can. It taste bitter but it somehow got a unique taste to it. Releasing his now limp member, I crawled back towards him, watching his exhausted and yet content face. It must have been that good. His cheeks are covered in heavy blush, slight sweat beads forming on his forehead and he's still breathless. The way he looked right now is so irresistible.

"It was that good, huh?" I said teasingly and chuckled when he glared softly at me, his pout visible on his lips.

"Don't boast about it…" he grumbled. I just smiled at him. "…but it is good."

I smirked down on him and brush his cheek. He sighed in contentment and lean into the touch. I captured his lips in mine and began to kiss him deeply, while at the same time trying to locate the lotion to use as lubricant and squirt some onto my palm, twirling it around my fingers.

Releasing his lips, I stared into his eyes. "Al, I'm going to prepare you, kay?"

He nodded his head and tried to relax in my touch as my other hand travelled up and down his body. Slowly, I insert one finger, sliding it in and out so he'll get used to the feeling of something moving inside him. I watch his expression and was amazed how controlled it was. His face only showed contentment and no pain nor uneasiness.

I insert another finger and began to scissoring him a few times before inserting the third, and that's when he starts to hiss at the displeasure and pain. I kiss his thigh in reassurance and start to pump his member, getting it back to life. He moaned at the feeling and I let out a breath that I didn't realize I hold.

"Nghnn… ah… L-Lavi…"

Gosh, his voice sounds so cute and sexy and I started to become impatient. After a few minutes of preparing him, I decided that it's fine now. So taking the lube again, I coated my member some of it and nudge it to his entrance. I stare at his eyes, waiting for the approval. When he finally nods his head, I slide in, slowly, all the way.

"Ahh…Mhmm…"

"A-Al… you're so tight. Please relax…" I groaned at the feeling of him surrounding me. It sends jolts of pleasure right through me. But one thing stands out the most. His feelings… I can feel them. It's as if it sends to me from where our body joined.

We stayed like that for a few minutes; me, waiting for him to relax and Al to get used to it. He leaned up and kissed me softly on the lips, how cute is that? With the way he's blushing madly, looking breathless and naked under me… I don't want this to end.

"Aww… you're so cute, Al…"

"Stop saying that and move, Lavi."

I chuckled and kiss his forehead and start to move. It's a slow, long thrust at first, trying to ease the pain and uneasiness away from Al. When he started to get impatient, I move faster, rolling my hips, trying to find that wonderful spot that I read about.

"Ah! Lavi!"

Ahh… I found it. I hit that spot over and over again with hard thrust, loving the sound that Al made, moaning my name over and over again like mantra. I rest my head at his collarbone, trailing small kisses and hickeys and pump his member, meeting it with my thrust.

"Ahh…n-no…close…"

And I couldn't agree more with that. With the way he's tightening around me, it drives me to an end. We move in sync, waiting for the moment to come. Looking at him right now makes me heart beat faster and I'm sure his too. He smiled at me with controlled expression –I wonder how he's so good with that- and lean up to kiss me again. I welcome it, brushing my tongue against his lips and he grants the entrance. Our tongue swirled together, not for dominance, but just dancing together.

Releasing his lips, he moved his head to my neck and I leaned away to the side, granting him more access.

"Lavi…"

….Eh?

Why his voice suddenly changed?

Al thrust his hips forwards, making us moaned at the feeling. My mind is so hazy and yet, I'm still focused enough to think.

_His voice sounds so different and yet so familiar…_

He arched his back and fall back onto the bed, turning his head to the side and that's when I noticed it. His hair is not the dark brown anymore and instead had changed into…white. He turned his head and I watch in anticipation and anxiousness, still thrusting into him as if I can't stop from doing it.

Al –or I think it's him- moaned out my name so loud, as he came, coating both of our stomach with his cum. I groaned when he tightens around me and I too lost myself, cumming inside of him as I rode out my orgasm and fall onto him.

We both panting heavily from the activity and I leaned away, only to stare at someone I had recently met.

"A-Al…Allen…?"

"Lavi… I love you…"

…

"ALLEN!"

I shot out of bed and fall onto the cold and freezing floor. Dumbfounded and shocked, I sit up and stare at the mess I made on the bed.

So it's just a dream…?

No… it's a memory but…

Why Allen suddenly…?

This is the fourth time in a row now. The dream is always have the same beginning and the same end. Why? Why…?

Does that mean I finally give up on Al? Or does the dream remind me of my love for him? Then what about Allen? Does that also mean I love him or was it just simply lust?

_No…_

_When I stare into his pale blue eyes…_

_There's only love there…_

So have I fallen… in love with… Allen… or he loves me?

Is that what the dream is about?

I guess… I just have to find it out during our date tomorrow. I just hope it won't be awkward.

…

-The next day, morning-

Do you know the feeling when you're nervous, anxious and restless, you just can't sit still and have to do something? Well, that's what I'm doing right now.

Usually, I will compose new songs, play my guitar, or just simply play online games, like Shaiya. And on a special occasion, I will cook.

This is what I'm doing right now; cooking.

I've been thinking where to bring Allen for our date, considering his condition and feelings into it. I want him to enjoy it but if I bring him to some fancy restaurant, I know he'll feel tense and uncomfortable, even if I book one whole hotel just for us. And if I bring him to some normal restaurant, there'll be a lot of people there and it's bad for both of us.

One is because I'm a famous singer and people will gather around me and ask me many questions, which in turn make me lose sight of Allen and second, people will start some gossip and stare at Allen. Either way, he won't be able enjoy it and instead will feel uncomfortable.

My solution is to bring him to my favorite secret place where we can enjoy ourselves, alone and together.

So, either way, the foods that I cook won't go to waste. Gosh, only god knows how thankful I am to that.

Anyway, here I am, cooking happily –even though the feeling of anxiousness, restlessness and nervousness are still there- when I heard my front door opening and closing. And I know who that is. There's only one person who have the access to my apartment.

"Oi…"

Yup! It's Kanda Yu, my –supposed to be best- friend. And no, I'm not talking about Al.

I pretend I didn't hear him and just continue cooking, glad that I put on my headphones right now, even though I didn't play any songs, and just humming any songs that I could find in my head. I can tell he's staring at me right now with that laser eyes of his but I didn't waver and just continue on ignoring him.

I hear him sighed and move to sit on a stool, facing me. From the corner of my vision, I saw him checking all the foods that I cooked on the table island and reach his hand out. I move swiftly to swat his hand away, glaring at him.

"Don't touch any of it. It's not for you."

"Hm…"

I rolled my eyes and get back to my cooking when he started talking. His voice is low and deep, almost making me shivered. I can't deny that his voice is sexy. After all, he's the second vocalist in our group and he's also the leader.

"So, you're going to ignore me all day and not talking to me, at all?"

Yup~ I'm not going to talk to you and going to pretend that you're just a wasted air that I don't like. You know, like fart? Oh wait. That's gas, not air. Well… ehem… whatever!

"You know, silence doesn't suit you at all, Lavi," he said, almost murmuring. "Being active and loud is what makes you… you. This side of you is so dark."

Heh! Good thing he noticed that.

"…Though I don't mind. You look more mature this way."

"…"

I heard him move from his stool and walk towards me. He wraps his arms around my waist and kissed my neck, surprising me. I mean, he never act like this.

"W-Wha… Yu!"

"Lavi, why don't you say my name again? Like that one night…"

I must have lost my temper. When I regain my focus back, Yu was on the floor, wiping the blood on his cheek. That's when I realized that I was holding the kitchen knife. He's really looking for trouble…

"Don't remind me about that night, Yu," I whispered and glared daggers at him when he just chuckled. What's so funny, anyway?

"But you enjoy it. I know I do."

"Then you wouldn't mind if I tell this to Alma, then?" I challenged.

Yu glared at me. He got up and walk towards me, his face showed how angry he was. Well, angrier than usual, that is. When he looked at me like that, with his deep eyes, I froze up. He takes the knife from my hand and put it on the counter.

"Don't deny it, Lavi," he whispered to my ear, his hand cupping my cheek, while the other wrap around my waist, trapping me. I don't like this, at all.

"D-Don't touch me, Yu…" I stammered, when he roam his hand around my body.

He slammed me to a nearby wall and I grunted as the action knocked air out of me and groaned when my head throbbed in pain. I always knew Yu is rough but he's never violent. He must be really pissed right now. But why…? Was it because of the other day…?

Well he didn't have the right to get angry. I am. He's the one who said _yes_ when I asked him if our friendship nowadays made of contract.

So he didn't…have the right to…

"Ow…" I groaned.

Yu had pinned me to a wall, both of his hands holding mine, trapping me with his body and his head is on my shoulder. What now…? This feels like a déjà vu.

"Remember this position?" Yu whispered, his breath sends shivers run up my spine. "You were so eager back then. What makes you so hesitate now?"

"And _don't touch me,_ you said?" he chuckled. "…so I won't. But instead I will do this."

He moved his hips onto me, grinding our pelvis together. I can feel his arousal as it touch me below there, while at the same time he trail some kisses around my neck and jaw, leaving some hickeys in its wake.

"N-No… please… stop semi-hear what I say!"

I don't want this. I didn't want this!

"Yuu…nghnn…!"

My body didn't response to his touch, I know that. But whenever I closed my eyes, the scene of last night dream sends jolts of pleasure to my body.

_This is neither Al nor Allen…_

_Please… don't response!_

I repeat that mantra over and over in my head, trying to warn my body to stop, but it's fruitless. I can feel myself get hard from the image flashed in my mind and the feeling of Yu's arousal touching mine.

I began to pant heavily, my eyes becomes cloudy and my mind hazy. It seems my body and my mind response to the image of Al and Allen, unable to comprehend what's real and what's fantasy.

"S-Stop… Y-Yuu…"

"Why? You said no touching, which sounds so erotic when you said that, and you moaned my name like that, as if begging for more. So why should I stop, Lavi?"

I didn't hate Yu. In fact, I love him, but only as brother and as a friend. Even when he does this thing, I didn't hate him, because I understand his feeling as I feel it too every day.

The feelings of unresponsive love, making you feel restless and uncomfortable, worried and wary. Yu is actually in love with Alma and I'm in love with Al…Allen… I don't know…, and he takes his frustration on me, just like how I did in the past to him.

But I didn't want this, not anymore. Not after I met Allen.

Yu unzip both of our pants, sliding them off, leaving us naked below. He grabs his member and mine and stroked them, making us moaned loudly. He pumped them in a fast pace, leaving no pleasure escape from our body.

"Ahh! Y-Yu!"

_No… please stop…_

_Al…_

_Allen…_

"See… you moan my name so sexily…" he panted, whispering to my ear hotly. "…Alma"

I almost cringed at that. That's right, just like few years ago, like in this position, we did this. And I shouted Al's name instead of Yu. We use each other and yet… we didn't.

But this time is different because Alma, he… his feelings, I know. So if Yu continue this, he'll regret it. I know I will.

Mustering up enough strength, I slap him across the face, making him stumbled backward, both in shock and unexpectedness. He looked at me with wide eyes, as if suddenly realized the situation. I tug my pants back and smoothen out my shirt, glaring down at him.

"You idiot, Yu! I told you to stop!" I shouted, anger is evident in my tone. "I told you…to stop…"

"Lavi…"

"No! Please don't! Please… just don't…"

I slid down the wall, sitting on my floor with my head downcast, trying to shield my shame and guilt from the world. I can feel a few tears leaked out from my eyes and slid down to my cheeks, but I didn't care, couldn't care enough to wipe them away. My chest hurts, so much. As if there's a thread twisting its ways around my heart, tightening it with so much force that I couldn't breathe.

_Is this what dying felt like?_

"Lavi..? LAVI?" I heard him, but I didn't hear him. The way Yu shouting my name, almost makes me want to raised my head and look into his eyes, to see what was wrong. "Shit… I'm sorry… I'm sorry but please, breathe, Lavi!"

Breathe…? What is he talking about? I am breathing, aren't I?

I think so…

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

He keeps on repeating that word but I didn't understand it. Why is he apologizing? I forgive him; he's not really at fault. Because… I didn't want our friendship to be broken or lost… just like mine and Al.

_Broken…_

…_and lost…_

Yu cupped both of my cheeks with his hand, and make an eye contact with me. All I see is the blurry vision of his face. Why did he look so worried?

"Breathe, damn it!" he shouted. "Are intending to die? What about Allen?"

That name… when he said that name, I slowly regain my focus and cough furiously. My lungs feel burned and dry. What happen?

"Thank god…" he breathed in relief. "Please don't do that…"

"W-What…?"

Yu sighed and sit in front of me, on the floor. He looked at me with a soft and apologetic expression, making me relaxed instantly. "Why did you always do that?"

"Do what?" My voice sound so hoarse and rough. This is bad. What will I do if my voice suddenly broke? I can't sing with a broken voice.

"Not breathing or suddenly stand still… why did you do that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Yu" I sighed. My head feel throbbing, maybe because Yu hit me to the wall.

"I'm sorry, Lavi"

"Yeah… I know…" I smiled softly and when I look at him, I grinned. He stared back at me with an annoyed expression and –believe it or not- we laugh.

The situation seems to be incredulous, now that we think about it. This is what a friendship with Yu is like. We fight a lot, there's always misunderstanding and sometimes hate, but we're just inseparable. There's this understanding and contentment in our relationship, and also forgiveness.

That's why I didn't hate him. That's why I love him. And that's why I feel hurt, when he said our friendship is base of contract.

Guess he have his reason.

"So, the other day, I'm sorry about that," Yu said, sighing and leaned on his hands. "I was pissed at your constant escape from practicing and meet Allen secretly, not doing your job. I guess I'm just worried for our band, in a way. So when I agreed on what you said about our friendship, I was expecting you to say, 'Ohh… so if I keep on doing my work, that means our friendship will go on!' or something like that…"

"That sounds stupid," I grumbled, pouting.

Yu chuckled and shook his head. "Now that I think about it, it is stupid of me for thinking that. So…" he looked at me with knowing eyes, smirking at me with his evil smile. "You said the foods are not for me. Who is it for?"

"I thought that it's obvious…?" I turned away, knowing my cheeks are burning with blush.

"A date…? With who?"

"You-know-who, of course!" I shouted; feeling flustered.

Yu keep his smirk on, looking at me with knowing eyes. "Ohh~ Allen?"

"If you knew, then don't ask"

He shook his head and sighed, a serene and yet sad smile on his lips. Must be thinking about Alma. But Alma… he-

"Well, good luck with your date. Don't scare him too much with your enthusiasm, idiot rabbit." With that, Yu got up from the floor and walk towards the door, taking a plate on his way out. Before I get to say anything to him, he already closed the door and gone, leaving me on the floor with a silent and empty apartment.

It suddenly feels lonely.

"Well… I need a shower, again and continue with the cooking, then…"

…

(Fast forward)

After apologize to Allen and bring him to my special spot, having dinner and spend time with each other, I didn't know what gets into me, what makes me, kiss Allen.

_His lips are so pink and soft_

That is what I can think the moment he wipe my tears away. He looked so beautiful and glowing; in the darkness surround us, with the moon and the stars shining down on us. My mind become hazy suddenly and I somehow see the image of both Allen and Al together, in the same body. They look almost similar.

"L-Lavi…?"

His voice is quivering slightly, probably due to shock. I move and hover on top of him, resting his head gently on the grass. I can feel my heart beat so fast in my chest, almost deafening me. Maybe this is the answer that I've been seeking…?

I lean down again and capture his lips. He gasped in surprise and I push my tongue inside his mouth, exploring him. Allen started to pant and he gripped my shirts tightly in his hands, moaning slightly. Is he going to push me away or is he going to pull me for more?

And yet, as I continue kissing him, he did neither. It was as if he was clinging onto something. Did I scare him?

"…Allen?"

His closed eyes open slowly, as if he was afraid to see what was beyond his eyelids. The way he sees the world is way different than how I, who have eyesight, see it. World darker than black, brighter than white… there's nothing and yet there's everything.

_I don't think I can live like that…_

_Allen is so… brave…_

He cupped my cheeks while he was taking in as much air as possible into his lungs. He smiled softly at me and said, "I like you too, Lavi"

If I'm a girl, I might cry right now.

Did my feelings –one that I half aware and still in doubt of- send to him from the kiss? Does this feeling means I love –or in safe side- like Allen?

_I don't mind that. In fact, loving him is what suits this feeling better._

"Thank you, Allen."

We spend the rest of the night in each other's arms after that, talking every now and then, making jokes or simply chatting idly.

It feels like the scene from six years ago, when I was fifteen and confess my feelings to Al. it felt so surreal.

But I'm not gonna compare nor gonna find similarity in both Al and Allen. They are unique and special in their own way and I love them both the same. And one day, surely, I will meet him again.

…

When I got back to my apartment after sending Allen home, I lounging on my sofa, knowing Yu is in the shower, making my apartment his home. Sometimes, I hate it when he does that.

I hum a new set of melody in my head, the scenes of my date with Allen, my feelings and his, as well as the scenery, flashed in my mind like a film. A few words coming through my mouth and before I know it, I had created a new song.

I quickly ran to my room, not caring that Yu is naked and was about to wear his pants and boxer, glaring daggers at me at the intrusion –which should be done by me, not him- and get a pen and a paper. I slid open the door to my balcony, making Yu hissed as the cold air blast him, and began to write the songs as well as the note of the melody.

"What the fu-ck is wrong with you, idiot rabbit? Are you high?"

I ignore Yu and continue to say a few things, humming this and that, and write them down. I can feel Yu staring down from behind me and I almost smiled.

"Are you making new song, again?"

"Yup~," I sang, writing things down. "I don't know why but this song felt just perfect!"

"Hmm…" Yu take the papers from my hand and inspect them, taking a seat at the lounging chair. "This _is_ good. Do you want to hold the one we're practicing and do this one instead?"

I shook my head and take a seat too. "Nope. I know what's missing in the song now. I'm gonna change it a bit and we're gonna perform both!"

"Are you sure?" Yu asked, leaning into the chair, relaxing himself.

"Yeah… this new song is simple enough to follow through, so we should be fine."

"Hmm…" Yu hummed, "So, what is this new song called?"

I look up onto the sky and watch the bright blue full moon. "I guess… I'm going to call it _Bird_."

"Why bird?" Yu asked drowsily.

"…Because freedom is not about flying into a vast and endless sky, without a path to go to. But it's about what you have in your grasp… what you hold dear in your arms… and who is important to you and have them by your side; continue walking to a path with them and just live the now, learn the past and hope for the future."

Yu scoffed at that I pout, glaring at him. But he didn't have that mocking or arrogant face on him, just a content smile. "I like the sound of that, I guess."

I shook my head and we relax a bit at the balcony, before shivering in cold and dashed inside.

Looking back at the event of today, I somehow now felt more… alive and happy. So much emotions triggered, so many things happen and yet pretty much some things stayed the same while others, began to set in motion.

Guess that's how life is work.

Despised the many negative things I have been feeling lately, tonight I feel so happy- no, I take that back. I'm pissed.

Yu is sleeping on my bed, again. There's one of the many things that I don't like people to mess me about is my sleep. I like to sleep. No, I love it with passion. And my source of wonderful-sleep-like-a-dead-bed is now being occupied by Yu.

"Yu! Sleep in the guest room, damn it! That's my bed!"

Yu groaned and look at me with sleepy eyes. "What's the difference? Besides, we've always been sleeping on the same bed since we were little. So, what're you waiting for?" he pat the empty side and sighed. "Come here and sleep."

Sighing in defeat, I slumped on the bed in a tired manner. Sometimes I wonder how come Yu is always so grumpy when childish and spoil side of him is so cute.

But I wouldn't dream of him suddenly become like that. That's just creepy.

"Damn it, Yu! Stop cuddling me in your sleep!"

This is why I hate him sleeping on the same bed as mine.

"Argh… YU!"

…

A/n: Yeah… well… yeah… -nervous, sheepish and feeling awkward- that's the update.

The song mentioned is Bird by Jin Nakamura (Kuroshitsuji II ending song).

And the one that they've been practicing is Innocent Sorrow by Abingdon Boys (DGM 2nd opening song)

Well… yeah. That's it for now. Remember to tell me if you guys want me to draw fanart about the previous chapter!

This story is **un-beta-ed.**

**REVIEW!** (Please~)


	8. Chapter 5

A/n: Here's the timeline for Allen's history:

Age 8 –The death of Neah; the starting threats from the Noah.

Age 12 –The death of Mana; Accident that leave scar on his left eye; Master become his legal guardian.

Age 14 –He and Lavi confessed their feelings; Lavi leaves the country with his uncle Bookman; an accident that causes him to lose his memory and his sight; he leaves the country and travel with master.

Age 19 –He stayed in Japan for about five to six years now; he met Lavi; both started to have feelings for each other.

There~! I hope that clears things out.

So, in short, Lavi and Kanda is 21, Lenalee is 20, Allen is 19, Master Cross is 34, Komui is 28, Marie is 24, Daisya is 22 and Tim is…uhh…ageless! Yes, that's it! Hahahaha!

…

**B**lindly **i**n **L**ove –Chapter 5

**H**eartbroken **a**nd **C**omplication

…

-Two days ago, during our date-

Woah…!

Lavi… he's… he's kissing me!

W-What should I do? I mean, why did he kiss me in the first place?

Even though it's just a chaste kiss, to me it's one big kiss. It's my first kiss… I think. The feel of his lip on mine makes my heart beat so fast. It feels as if a thousand of electricity run through me, sending shivers run up my spine, making my toes curling and my hands clenching.

It's no doubt that my face is beet red right now. I can practically feel the heat rushing up to my cheeks and ears, feeling the warmth tingling me there. Lavi broke the kiss and I panted, taking in as much air as I can, since I unconsciously hold my breath during the kiss.

I can feel him staring at me and it makes my heart thumped loudly in my chest. What is this feeling? It's strange and foreign, as if there's something in me that's suddenly taking form, but I don't know what. It's something vague and without a shape… a strange and restless and yet comfortable and content feelings.

_What is this?_

"L-Lavi…" I whispered his name. He responded by brushing my bangs away, resting his forehead on mine, also breathless.

"God, Allen, you're so cute," he whispered. "I don't think I can stop myself…" his voice quiver so much when he said that. What does he mean by not able to stop hi-fdkjlasmdfshgfu!

Lavi somehow managed to get on top of me without hurting my head –since my head resting on his stomach- and hover over me. He started to kiss me again but this time rougher and –dare I say it- more passionate than the previous kiss. I simply closed my eyes and gasped when his tongue prodded against my lips and I unconsciously open my mouth and let him slide inside.

These feelings are new to me. I've never felt this before with the way our tongue touching sends thrill and pleasure through my body, as if electricity shot right to me. I can't hold back the moan that escaping through my lips and I grip his jacket, clinging onto something so I won't fall or drifted away.

"…Allen?"

I didn't realize he broke the kiss. I open my eyes slowly –no matter how pointless the action is since I can't see- and cupped his cheeks. I can feel it, both his feelings and mine. I smiled softly at him, loving the warmth of his being just near me.

"I like you too, Lavi"

The words are foreign on my tongue, as if I'm not the one who was saying it. But as it escaped from my lips, I know the feelings are true.

_Finally, after years of loneliness, I finally able to like someone and that person…_

"Thank you, Allen"

…_like me too._

…

It's one of the best nights I've ever spent in my entire life!

I slid down the door of my apartment after Lavi send me home. I grip my clothes near my heart tightly, feeling the frantic beat of my heart. I can tell that I'm blushing heavily right now. The feeling of euphoria of having someone liking you is…nice.

"Ne, Tim," I called, and Tim wriggled out of my jacket and rest on my shoulder. "…I guess this is what moving forward felt like, huh?"

Tim tap my cheek with his tiny little hand –whatever you call it- and I chuckled at the gesture, secretly finding it cute. "So this is what Mana means. Keep playing the song and move forward, you'll find happiness."

Why I didn't do this sooner, I don't know. No, I do know but I'm stubbornly tried to ignore the reason for it.

Tim snuggled in my jacket, seeking for warmth. I smiled at him and get up from the floor, only to suddenly fall forward. I manage to catch myself but my head is suddenly throbbing, so much that the pain is unbearable.

_What is happening?_

I feel nauseous and my head feel so heavy, my body shaking and my strength seems to diminish little by little. Tim began to panicking at my side but I can't concentrate, can't focus at anything. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to wiling the pain away, gritting my teeth to withstand the pain, and gripping my head, fisting some of my hair in a tight hold.

_Hurt… it hurt! _

A few flashes of memories seem to be played through my eyelids and it makes me dizzy, as it zooms in and out so fast, and I unable to catch any of it. Is this what the doctor warned me about? That the memory I lost will suddenly come poured in, without warning?

But it hurt, so much. I can't breathe and my consciousness seems to be slipping away slowly. There are so many emotions I feel right now, so many thoughts and voices that I heard and so many images of memories flashed in my mind.

_Why? Why now…? What are you trying to tell me from these memories?_

I want it to stop. I noticed that Tim is gone and I can't be bothered to wonder where he had gone off to. I crawled on the floor, trying to locate the sofa, so I can lie comfortably at least when I'm in this much pain. But my strength seems to be none existed now. As if I had already use every ounce of my energy to resist all the pains from taking over me.

**Allen…**

_What…? Who…?_

**It's me. How could you forget about me~**

_Whose voice is this? Why does it sound so…familiar?_

**It's me~ It's A-**

"ALLEN!"

Master's voice broke through my thought –or so I think- and he scoops me gently from the floor, resting me in his arms. I remember this scene. It's just like when I was twelve and I was at the edge of my sanity at that time, after the death of Mana. I remember Master was so worried back then. He's so gentle and kind enough at that time, taking care of the fragile me.

"Allen? Damn it, idiot brat! Answer me!"

I groaned and brush my bangs away, opening my eyes slowly. "S-Stop shouting, Master…"

"Shit… did you bit your lip so hard?" Master asked, gripping my chin. "You're bleeding."

I would like to response to that but I just can't find the energy to open my mouth. Master seems to be able to get it and he adjusts me in his hold, securing me in his arms and lifts me up, taking me to somewhere… I dunno. I can't tell anymore, not with my foggy mind and distorted feelings.

He then lowered me to, what I presume my bed, gently, covering me with my blanket. When he does that then I finally realized that I was shivering terribly. But I didn't feel cold nor do I have a fever. So I don't know the reason. My body understand what my mind forget and I don't like it one bit.

"Did you remember anything?"

Ahh… can't he at least bring me some water? Stupid Master…

I was about to shake my head 'no', when I remembered I did catch something during the flash of memories. It's a boy, age around ten I guess. What's weird was he got… the same eyes as mine but his hair is different. He was smiling at me, as in now me, and it somehow creep me out.

"Master…" I whispered out, feeling my throat is dry from constricting it too much. "Who is the boy with brown hair and same eyes as mine? Do you know him?"

He was silent for a few minute before answering my questions; his tone was somehow sharp and almost cold, "No. He's not someone important, so forget about him."

I drew in a breath shakily and let it out. Somehow Master's word hurt me deeply inside, cutting me deep and leaving the wound open and bleeding. My chest hurt so much because of that and I began to hyperventilating. Master rushes towards me and said something but I can't hear him. Not over this loud noise of agony and pained cry from within me.

I can feel a few tears fall from my eyes and I wanted to brush them away so bad but with Master hugging me tightly in his arms, my hands were restrained and trapped in between.

"Shh… it's ok, Allen. I'm here…" Master whispered softly, trying to sooth me.

He was never good at this kind of thing, so I know he was actually feeling uncomfortable right now and I almost chuckled at that. I sighed and nod my head, resting my head against his shoulder.

"You should sleep and rest," he ordered, pushing me down to the bed. "I'll go call your private doctor."

I drowsily nod my head and sighed in slowly, feeling my body relaxing. The pains are still there but now, it dulled down a bit. I wonder who that boy is…

_I want to see Lavi…_

With that, I fall asleep.

…

-Present-

I've been sleeping for two days now. I did wake up every now and then but mostly, I just sleep. My head sometimes will feel heavy and at times, it will feel light. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I hate it. The rest of my time in two days, I didn't open my eyes because my private doctor told me so. He said that there's a possibility that the reason behind my headache was because of my eyes. Based from what he found, my eyes seem to be regenerating for over the years I've been blind.

He said it was actually good because if I want my sight back, I only need a small operation in fixing the cornea and such and I'll be as good as I was before. The chances are also high but for now, I have to get some rest before the next check up.

Master will come visits me often to check up on me and make sure that I eat and take my pills. Even though his words were always harsh, when he tends me, he's always gentle –in his own way- and even feed me. I remember how he used to do these kinds of things with me after Mana died. Mother said that Master never done this to anyone and when he does it to some poor heartbreaking soul –which is me-, he simply refused to acknowledge any of it because he was embarrassed about it.

Today, I want to walk around. Being bedridden for two days without moving much makes my muscle loosened up and make me feel weak. My daily routine of exercises usually consists of push up, sit up, cardio and eats healthy foods. Just because my head is hurt, it won't stop me from doing it.

I stretched my arms and give a content sighed when I heard the popping sounds and feeling my muscles flexing. In reflex, I open my eyes, only to be taken aback.

_Colors… there are colors everywhere._

No. Those are not just simply colors. Those things are furniture…right? And the one I'm holding is my bed sheet?

I…I…

_I can see?_

I blink my eyes, and rub them slowly, believing this is a dream or some kind of hallucination. But as I open my eyes again, the image is still there.

_What in the world…?_

"Oh, you're awake."

Master's voice jolted me back to reality and I turn my head to look at him, surprise is evident on my face. I stared at him, blinking my eyes over and over and yet, there he was, still standing there with an apron wrapped around him, holding a bowl of what I presume is porridge.

"M-Master…?"

Based from his soft expression, I get that he didn't know that I have my eyesight back either, not this soon. So I silently capture this side of him, smiling at the inside. After all, this side of him is rare.

"What is it, idiot brat?"

I smiled innocently at him, inside I was smirking evilly. This is sure gonna send him off guard. "Master, your apron is upside down."

"W-What? What are you talking about, brat?"

"And its pink and frilly too~ can't find the macho one?" I smirked.

I watch as small blush appeared on the side of his cheek, his eyes wide in surprise and his cigarette hang loosely between his lips. "How…?" he whispered. "What in the hell?"

I laughed at his expression, finding it funny. To see him bewildered and lost are rare too. He's always composed and cool, always teasing and smirking in arrogance.

He walk towards me and grab my chin, turning my head side to side, inspecting me with his sharp eyes, almost making me shivered. I remember how violent Master can get when he's over the edge. I just hope I didn't have just dug my own grave.

"Your eyes… they're different…"

I gulped and smiled sheepishly. "Y-Yeah. Well, y-you see…"

"Yeah? Spit it out, brat!"

"I have my eyesight back, Master!"

I blurted out and closed my eyes tightly, waiting for him to knock my head or something. But all I get is a silent and a hug from him. He pats my head, bringing me close to him.

"I'm glad…" he whispered softly.

I remember this gesture too. It was the first time I talk to Master after Mana's death, finally able to get a grip of myself from the shock. Master was never good at parenting stuff, especially when he has to act like a father to a fragile twelve year old me.

I closed my eyes and relax, leaning against his chest, with the pink apron still on. I smiled and wonder, if he was like this when I started to get blind, wearing apron and probably have a soft fatherly look on his face just like moments ago. It makes me happy.

"Now, get up and eat. I have work to do," he said, shoving me away and turn around, getting up from the bed and walk towards where he put the bowl, before giving it to me.

I thank him and started to eat on my bed, hearing closely as I heard Master grumbling at the living room before my apartment door open and close, signaling me that he gone out.

I sighed, setting the bowl down on my night stand and check the time. It's 10.38 a.m. I missed my morning exercise, that's ok I guess. Getting up from the bed, I suddenly feel dizzy. My vision swam and slightly blurry, making me nauseous in the stomach and I almost hurl when I tried to move forward. I clutch my stomach, calming my breath, while sitting on the edge of the bed.

_I'm not used to having sight back again. So my body has a hard time on balancing._

When my stomach at least calmed down a little, I open my eyes, feeling the unshed tears in my eyes. I gulped in as much air as I can, relaxing myself, before trying to get up again. This time my vision didn't waver and I didn't feel sick. So I proceed to my bathroom…err…where is it?

_Ahh… I'm used to getting direction based from my senses alone. So now, I'm clueless._

I guess…I need to adapt to this since I'm used to the darkness alone, filled with voices and sounds, and senses of touch and smells. Now that I can see, everything felt so foreign… Sigh…

Putting up a determination face, I make a first step forward. This mean war…with my own bathroom! I will not lose to wherever you are bathroom!

.

.

.

.

The result with my battle with my bathroom, the bathroom wins.

I walk around my apartment for a good twenty five minutes before I finally found it. How embarrassing when I found out that my bathroom was just a few feet away from my bed. Seeing my face covered in blush in my reflection on the mirror, I shied away.

Anyway…

Master called and said that I have to go to the hospital to see my private doctor since he told him about my condition. So he wants to check up on me even though my next check up wasn't supposed to be this soon.

So now, I'm on my way there, after asking direction from two elderly women across the street. They're nice. They even have cats with them, though I make sure I stayed a little bit further away in case they can sense Tim in my jacket. Hehe…

Speak of the devil, Tim wiggled out of my jacket's hood and stayed there, looking cute and all. He even has grown big. I must've feed him too much.

When I finally arrived at my destination, I look over the hospital. It's so white and just…nothing; just white nothingness. I shivered when unwanted memories resurface and absently my hand went to my left eye, feeling the scar there. Since I change my hairstyle, I have to cover the upside down pentacle –like scar with a bandage. I don't want to grab unwanted attention.

Taking a deep breath, I walk towards the hospital, feeling my confidence slipping with each step I make. Maybe I can call the doctor that I can't come today… Shaking my head, I sighed. It's not good to lie and I don't want to trouble my doctor. He was kind enough to tend and care me for the past five years. Slapping my cheeks, I nod to myself.

_I can do this!_

…Though it was easier said than done. It was proven to be difficult for my feet to obey me when I neared the sliding glass door of the hospital. Just a few more steps and then asked the nice nurse at the counter for directions again. It's easy… you can do it, Allen…

As I walk towards the counter, I bumped into someone. I immediately bowed and apologize, feeling my cheeks heated in embarrassment.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"It's fine. Are you ok?" the person asked.

I nodded and look up, raising my head and stared at the person in front of me with wide eyes. He has wonderful green eyes. They were shining with life and were wide in…shock? Did I surprise him? Is there something on my face? Was it my blush-?

"…Allen?"

Eh? Ehh?

How this person did know my name? Stalker? Killer? Raper? NO!

He takes my hand and brings it close to him and I felt suddenly at ease, even though my heart started to beat so fast in my chest and I'm sure my cheeks heated up. But this feeling…I know this feeling… Closing my eyes, I concentrate on it and almost shouted in surprise.

"…La…Lavi…?"

He smiled and kissed my hand, making my heart flutter at the gesture. Is this person really is Lavi? He has red flaming hair with orange highlight, cheery pale skin, pale pink lips and tall and has broad and strong shoulder. And most of all, his stunning green eyes.

Unconsciously, I reach out my other hand and brush his cheek, feeling the soft skin under my touch. Under a closer look, there's a slight blush on both of his cheeks too. But I just can't bring myself to stare elsewhere other than his eyes. They were so beautiful…

"Allen? You ok?"

"Hmm…"

He cocked his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration before widen slightly. "Allen, your eyes seems to be…different."

I snapped back to reality and in reflex I smiled. "Lavi…I didn't know…no… I can never imagine you were this good looking."

"Wha-? You mean…?"

I nodded my head and lean in, resting my head against his chest as I hug him tightly. His heartbeat was so loud in my ears at this close distance and it almost lulled me to sleep.

"Allen…you can see!"

_His voice…sounding so happy…make me so happy too…_

…

A/n: Ok! I have to end it there. Hehehe…

Such mystery for Allen to suddenly have his sight back and get to see Lavi too~ But trouble will always try to break all those tine forming hope and problem is just lurking around the corner. What will happen next?

Pfft… silly me. I know the answer to that. But you guys don't~ kukuku…

**Now, review!**

*will I get to 80+ at least this time? B3


	9. Chapter 6

A/n: Thank you guys for the reviews~ as always that's what made me happy and write faster! And also because of I began to LOVE this story so much.

But one thing I'm perplexed about: Why most of you think there'll be definitely tragic drama from now on? LOL… Not yet… that'll ruin the story~ but secrets will be revealed slowly and things are going to be hectic from now on too~!

And for Kanda OOC-ness, that is because he's with Lavi and for what had happened in the past before. So basically, he's IC here (AU) but not for the real DGM. So sorry for no pov for him because this story mainly focuses on Lavi and Allen. But no worries, his side of the story will be revealed too~

Now on with the story!

…

**B**lindly **i**n **L**ove –Chapter 6

**D**iscovery

…

Early in the day, I was so stressed up by my recovery that I can't believe what I'm feeling right now is real. Here I am, in Lavi's arm, with my sight and I can now not only feel and touch but also see how he looked like.

When I went out of the bathroom after showering and then dressed up, I sat on my bed and finally think things through of my situation. I'm glad to have my eyesight back. Having it now seems like a miracle to me. But one can never get too much happiness without some kind of payment in return.

_When things become way too good, then something bad will definitely come around._

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm my beating heartbeat. Opening my eyes, slowly I tried to recognize things, from wardrobe to table lamp, to nightstand, to TV, to phone to windows and so on. Though I manage to get most of them, occasionally I have to close my eyes and feel around in my hands and relish the feeling from what I remembered. It's not easy, to try to adapt so fast but that's how my life has been all this time I'm traveling with Master.

I have to sit down a lot due to having sudden nauseated feeling every now and then due to my vision keep swarming, and have to hold down my gag reflex so as not to vomit and tried to calm down my clenching stomach too.

I have to practice walking around my apartment then, so as not to get lost or confused by what I see. I have to keep my senses as high as always like when I'm blind to overcome that and it's not easy, but I manage. Tim was there the whole time to help me. Even C.C…

Walking around the city for the first time was sure has sent me off guard. I never knew Shinjuku was this big! I have to ask directions many times then, to find my work place, my favorite park and Jerry's Café and Restaurant. It was fun and adventurous.

But still, everything feels so blindingly…bright.

It's funny how that sounds. Usually it's always the blindingly dark world and now, it's the opposite. I don't know how to feel about that. It's strange…and somehow exciting. It's like a whole new experience all over again.

And here I am now, at the hospital, in Lavi's arm. I can never been happier than this.

"I miss you, Lavi," I whispered in his shirt. He chuckled and pats my head.

"Me too. I can't believe I can't see you after our date. And I realized that you didn't go to work either so I really miss you too~" he said, hugging me back, before he push me away a little and look at me in the eye. "And I'm happy that you can see now, though I'm curious how that to happen? Did you go to do some medical surgery?

I smiled and shook my head, "No, and I don't know how it happen either. That's why I'm here to see my doctor for a checkup. What about you, Lavi?"

He looked thoughtful at first before realization hit him and his eyes widen slightly. What did he realize? Did something happen? Don't tell me he sleepwalk and didn't realize why he was here in the first place until I ask him the question. That'll be funny to see.

"Ah! I almost forgot! I was here to visit Yu-chan, actually," he smiled sheepishly at me.

Yu…? Ahh…Kanda Yu…

_Bakanda~_

"What happen to him? Is he ok?" Not that I care. I might sound harsh to a person I hardly meet and know but based from his attitude from the day we met, I knew it from my heart that he's a bastard. A bastard with a six inch pole rides up his ass.

Lavi wave his hand dismissively and smiled playfully, his eyes dancing with laugh. "He's fine. He just sprained his ankle during the performance."

Performance? If I recall correctly, Lavi and Kanda are in some kind of band, right? That must be it…

"Ehh… then he's definitely fine," I said, smirking.

"Ha-ha ha… yeah…"

I must have freak him out a little because this side of me, the dark side of me, I've hardly show it to anyone. But having a thought of pitying Kanda is just a no-no!

"Well, I have to go see my doctor, Lavi. I'll see you later?"

He nodded his head and smile softly at me, brushing my cheek, making me lean into it unconsciously. "Yeah, I'll see you later, Allen."

I unwind my arms around him and walk to the reception desk, asking for my doctor. The nurse smiled and led me the way. I turned around and wave at Lavi and he return the gesture. Now, I suck a deep breath to ease up my sudden nervousness and walk forward. Each step felt so heavy…

"About time, damn brat," Master said who was leaning against a door with his arms crossed. He looked calm and I unconsciously did too. Knowing someone was there next to you sure is comforting. –Even though I know Master is anything but comforting.

As I walk inside, I notice that he was looking to where I walk from. His eyes look harden and his frown look tight on his lips. Did he saw someone he knows?

I shrugged and walk toward a chair place at the side of the doctor's desk. He was writing something before smiling up at me.

"So how are you today, Allen?" he asked.

"I'm fine, thank you. Though a little dizzy and nauseous every now and then but that's probably because I'm still adapting to my sight."

He nodded in agreement, amusement showed on his face. "Excellent observation, Allen. That is true. Due to you suddenly able to see, it's hard for your eyes to get adjusted to the light so soon and due to your eyesight is not stable, your sense of balance somehow disturbed and you will have a hard time walking."

He gestured me to take a seat at some kind of device and I sat on it tensely. He move around on the other side and began the examination as I place my chin on the small-like-platform. The machine move forward, stop for a few second before going back and do the same to the left side, probably used to scan the eyes. He said it's done and I make my way to sit back on the chair.

He writes a few things before turn towards me. "Well, that is surprising. Your eyes look healthy and look normal but it can be deceiving. Though I found that your pupil dilated too much, so that must be the reason for the dizziness. A small operation will do the trick but that will be up to you. Besides, you don't have to rush this kind of thing. Maybe you don't need the surgeon if it comes of perfectly in few days. I must say that I'm surprised by this."

"What do you mean?"

"Your condition is different. You become blind not due to the accident, though it does trigger it. I have a theory that it might be due to trauma."

I tilt my head to the side, not really getting it. "Trauma?"

"Well, you lose your memory so I can't really say much. You fear of something, maybe based from what you witness and see, and thus become traumatic. The accident only triggers it and shut down your sight from functioning. Years pass and even though your minds forget, your body didn't. So in other to get through your trauma, you must remember.

"So something must have trigger for your eyesight to be back, even though you still can't remember anything. So I'm really impressed."

I thought about this for a moment, trying to get as much as possible. "I understand a few bit of it. So…umm…can I explain what I understand in my own way, just to see if I get it right?"

He nodded and encouraged me to continue.

"So let's say, I hurt my hand and it becomes paralyze. Due to traumatic experience I have to such injury, even though there's a high chance that my hand can recover, unless I can get pass through my trauma, I won't be able to move my hand. So in my case, since I lose my memory, the traumatic experience that I have before somehow now cast aside temporarily so until I gain my memory and remember it back, I will be blind again. In order to overcome that, I must try to get through my traumatic problem."

By now, Reever-sensei looked really amused and amazed at the same time. He nodded his head and smiled. "Wow, now that's a great summary to my theory! Yes, in a sense, that's how it is. But remember it's up to you, Allen. You can't force nor rush this kind of thing. It'll be bad to your health. I recommend you take a lot of rest for a little while and do regular checkups with me to keep update with your progress."

I nodded and after a few talk, I stand up and thank him. Now I just have to go somewhere for lunch. Maybe Lavi is done by now. Besides, it seems that Master is gone.

I wonder where he had gone off to…

.

.

.

.

Since I'm done early now, I have to wait for Lavi because I didn't see him at the lobby. But maybe…I can go visit Kanda? I knew I didn't like him but I'm not that cruel. The least I can do is visit him, stare at him for a few second before scoffing to the side just to piss him off. Err…yeah… he deserves that. Besides, this will be the second time I see him.

So walking up towards the reception desk, I asked for the ward he was in and his room number. The nurse kindly gives it to me and generous enough to point the direction I have to go. I thank her before make my way there. Hmm… I wonder what will be Lavi's reaction of me visiting Kanda. Probably hilarious!

I rounded a corner and found the room. I take a deep breath, the smiling at the thought of seeing them, and was about to slid the door open when I heard them talk. I know it's bad to eavesdropping on someone's conversation but somehow my mind told me not to open the door and just stand there to hear what they were talking about.

My hand was in mid air reaching for the handle, unable to move as I heard them talking.

"…miss the step! You have night vision, Yu~" Lavi voice can be heard loud and clear from where I stand on the other side of the door so I have no problem hearing and guessing the words.

"…shut…stop…don't…me…Yu! Baka Usagi!"

I struggle to hear what Kanda said because his voice is a lot softer than Lavi's cheerful voice so I have to make sense of the word. Though I can't…

There's only one way to find out. I close my eyes and heighten my senses, and the focusing on the bouncing voice coming from in front of me rather from around me. I have to concentrate just like how I used to. Besides its not long ago I've been blind. I'm not that forgetful and can easily lose what I learn and experience, so this is nothing.

Not unless I lose my memory about it… Being blind have its benefit as well as its lost. Equal trade, huh? Ergh… focus Allen!

"I mean, how can you lose your cool like that, Yu? It's a good thing its dark and the fans didn't saw you tripped over your own feet. That'll be embarrassing."

"Shut up! I was just distracted…"

"Hmm…but really, Yu. Think for yourself once in a while rather than giving full attention on the band. We need you, after all."

"Heh, of course. Without me, you guys will be lost and whimpering on the ground right now, like a puppy with its tail between its legs."

"Eeeehh… so meanie, Yu!"

"I told you to STOP calling me THAT!"

Kanda seems to take a deep breath to calm him down and they were silent for a minute before Kanda talk again. This time, he sounds so serious.

Not that I doubt he was never serious.

"Lavi…have you been seeing that Moyashi?"

Lavi was silent, probably looking confused. "Moyashi…? You mean, Allen?"

"Yeah, _that_ Moyashi…"

I almost growled at that but I keep myself intact and calmed myself from barging in and shouting at that Bakanda. I need to hear this out…

"Hmm… I haven't seen him for the past few days until today. What about him?"

"I have a bad feeling about him. There's something going on with that Moyashi, something dark and unreachable."

"Huh? What do you mean by that, Yu! He's a good kid! He's innocent!"

Kanda growled, based from that monstrous sound he emits, "I don't know! Just…stay away from him and keep your guards on, get that Lavi? Or better yet, leave him."

Who are you to judge me? You don't know me. Just because you feel as if there's something _dark and unreachable_, doesn't mean that it's bad.

"…besides, one can never be innocent alone. There's always the bad side in people. The more innocent they look, they darker they are inside. We wouldn't know."

Wha-…the hell? What is that supposed to mean? And why are you silent, Lavi? Say something!

I expect him go all cheerful and said, "Hehehe… What are you talking about, Yu! He's a friend and even though he has a bad side of him, we just have to accept him slowly. You know, to try to understand him. We all do have bad side. You understand mine and I understand yours, just like with the rest of the band, our friends. So he's nothing different than us."

…or something along those lines

But…what he said makes me never forget the feeling it inflict on me, physically, emotionally and mentally. I would never expect him said that…

"…Ok, Yu. I will and I trusted you for that."

_E-Eh? W-Why Lavi would say that…? What does he mean by that?_

**Allen…**

_Wha- that voice again! Who-_

**Just walk away, Allen. You don't need to hear this.**

_Who are you? What do you mean? I-…he…because…_

**Please, just walk away.**

_Why…? Why should I…?_

…

_Why…? Tell me… and I will or I would just stay here and conti-_

**What you don't know won't hurt you. So please Allen, just walk away and pretend this to never happen. For now…**

I open my eyes, feeling my senses went back to normal and it made me dizzy. I clutched my head, feeling the headache coming again. The world is swirling and my vision blurred. Dazedly I walk away, my mind's blank, my eyes are unfocused and I just let my feet drag me to wherever it will take me to.

I didn't know how I managed to walk back to the front lobby and sit on one of the plastic chair by the windows. I was so blanked out that I can't feel, hear and see anything. It feels as if I'm…

…_dead_

Lavi's final word rings through my head over and over again and I feel sick in the stomach just remembering it, feeling my stomach clench uncomfortably. My chest hurt so much, as if it was made from glass and Lavi's words had just grazed it to crack slowly, before let it shatters to the endless oblivion. I clench my hands tightly in a tight fist, feeling the hot tears flow slowly down my cheeks and hiccupped as I sob silently.

**Just let it go for now, Allen. Please don't break… you promised…**

I turn deaf ears at that voice and ignore it, continue crying in my hands. Lavi's final word… feels like a dagger pierced through my heart.

"…_it's not like I love him_…"

.

.

.

_I hate you, Lavi!_

…Is what I wanted to say and feel but…I can't? Not with how confused and hurt I am. My mind is not at the right state right now and I can't just judge from what I've heard. He must have his reason besides…he never said that he loves me. But somehow those words hurt me so much.

I don't remember anything so I don't know. Maybe it had happen to me before in the past with someone. Maybe my best friend…? But…that can't be it. It doesn't feel right. Those words plus my best friend didn't sounds right to me. But my body has a portion of the memory that my brain forget and vice versa. The only leading key is my heart to feel to trigger the memory.

So… what does it means?

Why the voice stops me from hearing further of the conversation. It's as if it knew where it will lead to. I can't be crazy for hearing voices in my head. This never happen before, not until that night when I collapsed after the date.

Who is this voice anyway?

Don't tell me it's my past or my split personality or worse…my invisible friend. That would be creepy.

I had manage to calmed myself down and walk out of the hospital, throwing the idea that Lavi might come looking and waiting for me. I just have to apologize to him when I get the chance to meet him again. If we will meet again, that is.

I walk back to my apartment, stopping to Jerry's café on the way to buy some of my favorite foods, and rest the in remaining hour of the day. I need some aspirin anyway, with this frustrating headaches keeps coming on.

I must stay calm and relax, that is doctor's order. He even said that I need to wear a shade like a cap or anything, or wear a sunglass to protect my eyes from getting direct light from the sun since it might damage my retina since my eyes are still weak.

Sighing, I closed my eyes and just feel the comfort of my bed, petting C.C who was curling besides me with Tim laying on top of his stomach, sleeping. I can feel myself drifted off to a comfortable sleep until I was jerked awake by the sound of someone knocking the door.

I stared at it in pure horror and shock, feeling myself trembling and shaking in fear, anger and hate at the sound of the owner of the voice on the other side of my front door.

_It's them…_

_How did they found me?_

_No… no, no, no, no, no…_

"Allen~ Open up~ I know you're there~"

_It's…_

"Come and open the door, boy. I know you're in there. Don't make me lose my patience and bursts open the door. You do remember what happen when I do, right?"

_It's the Noah!_

"Oh, look, Tyki! It's not locked!"

The door open and I closed my eyes tightly, hearing the footsteps in my apartment.

_Please help…someone…_

**Allen! Run! Now!**

I open my eyes and run towards the balcony door, slide it open and look back, with Tim perched on my shoulder. I saw a glimpse of C.C going under the bed before Tyki round a corner and our eyes met.

**Allen! ALLEN! RUN!**

And I can't move…

The next thing I remembered was the swishing sound of winds and the view of my balcony getting smaller and smaller, feeling myself fall in a slow motion and Tyki looking down at me.

…_help…_

...

A/n: Aaaannddd…. I will stop it there! Kukuku~ CLIFFHANGER~! How I love cliffhanger.

Sorry for the late update. I actually finish this not long after the previous chapter but I got lazy and play games, especially **T**he **W**orld **E**nds **W**ith **Y**ou. It's an awesome game! I loved the songs and the styles of Shinjuku and the life in it! Just like Ikebukuro, Shibuya, Udagawa and other many towns around Tokyo.

Ehem… anyway, you guys know the drill. **REVIEW!**

Next will be Lavi's POV! It will reveal what has actually happen. See you guys in next~


	10. Lavi's Diary III

A/n: Hmm…not many people reviewed the last chapter. I wonder why…? But to those who did, I love you guys! As awesome as always, my reviewers~ to my silent readers, thank you too…

Hmm… anyway…I think the cliffhanger on the last chapter was kinda way too shocking and sudden, huh? I thought it was supposed to be a suspense scene. –shrugs- well, whatever.

And not to mention, all this time, I forgot to mention that when Allen conversing with Lavi, Lenalee and Kanda, they use English. And Lavi use both English and Japanese when he's conversing with Kanda. Since I never mention it before, I guess I have to use it now.

"_Japanese"_

"English"

Now, on with the story~

…

**B**lindly **i**n **L**ove

**L**avi's **D**iary –**P**art III

…

_Two days…_

_It's been two days since I last seen Allen after the date._

After that night, I haven't seen him, not even a glimpse. During the two days, my schedules have been crowded and busy with practice for the upcoming performance, and doing autograph and shooting the rest of the day. Whenever I have the time, I will pass that music store owned by Komui just to see a glimpse of Allen but it seems like he didn't come to work. When he asked Komui, he just said that Allen has taken a few days off.

He didn't say anything else though and it made me worry for Allen's wellbeing. And it made me disappointed because I wanted to see him so badly. But also, in a way, I was glad I have the time to be away from Allen. Not because I didn't like him or anything, that's just ridiculous because I even said that I might, in a possible way, love Allen.

It's just, after that night, I have been feeling guilty.

I had acted based from my memory of my beloved best friend rather than based from my feeling towards Allen alone so I had been feeling bad. I just made things more complicated for myself rather than finding the answers and solutions that I needed. I've been frustrated with myself lately too because the memory of Al and Allen just made me happy.

_Am I selfish? _

_Am I just thinking of myself rather than them?_

I always say about my feelings and my views. Never had once I asked Allen how he really felt. I was still uncertain about what he said that night, that he likes me too. Maybe he just said that because of the atmosphere or he meant it in a friendly way or maybe he just said it because I said it first. I mean, he was blind and yet he returned my feelings despised not knowing how I look like. I mean, how do he believe and trust someone he can't see.

_Didn't he feel wary at all? How did he do it?_

I guess from his point of view, the world he sees is transparent. He didn't judge nor value people from how they look, dress or talk. Be it harsh, soft or simply dead tone, maybe to him, the way he sees people are based from the feelings. His senses are sharp so he can tell how that person's feel. Or just that he's as sharp as his senses.

Sigh…

_I don't know…_

I'm confused and I'm in doubt, both for mine and his feelings.

I do like him but…do I really like him more than a friend just because the memory of Al's resurfaced? Was my feeling really was toward Allen or it simply my longing for Al that Allen has triggered that make me believe that this feeling was for him.

_I don't know and I'm feeling guilty for doubting my feeling and his._

_I just didn't want to give false hope and hurt both of us._

Since Yu-chan had to stay in hospital after breaking his ankle during the performance, I have to visit him from time to time. He might didn't show it but I can tell that even he will get bored. If I just leave him to himself, who knows how much frustration he will keep in that body of his.

And I know I'll be the source of his satisfaction on getting rid of those frustrations.

And no, it's not in sexual way.

Willing to shove the dark memory of me and him in bed naked, I get into my car and drive off to the direction of the hospital. I sighed in annoyance, remembering how stubborn he was during the concert.

I still can't believe he tripped over his own feet and sprained his ankle. We were panicked and concerned of his well being but he just brushed it off and glared fiercely at us, saying that it was nothing and he can handle it. He even dared to threaten us with his guitar by pointing it at us, me specifically, and said that we better finish it early or he will definitely gonna kill us all if we make him pissed even more.

Seriously!

I can't really concentrate on singing our new album song during the concert knowing that Yu-chan has been struggling to keep him up and played the guitar like nothing is wrong. He even moved like his foot was fine! But when we're done, he simply opened his shoes and massaged his swelling ankle, clearly made it worse as he broke it during the performance. We have to rush him to hospital then when we saw it was also bleeding.

Damn Yu and his high tolerance in pain. Not that mine is low. He's just good at ignoring it than me.

_A-h… I'm so tired of this. _

Ever since I met Allen, my life has been changing so fast and so many things had happened. I wonder how a single person can make your life so…chaotic, maybe not visibly but internally. There're so many emotions swirling in my heart and so many thoughts playing in my mind.

_Why does he remind me of Al so much?_

Al and Allen are so different in many levels. Al was rude while Allen is polite, Al was boyish while Allen in a way is feminine, Al has dark brown hair while Allen has white blonde hair, Al was healthy as a horse while Allen…well I didn't really know if he have any health problem other than his sight, Al was energetic while Allen is calm and soft and mostly was the way they talk. Al always used words that are sometimes harsh, rude and just plain sharp. He always said whatever he has in his mind, not afraid of voicing them loudly. Allen…his words always polite and soft, so gentle and fragile and he also seems to keep everything to him inside, only voicing what he thought was appropriate.

They are so different on so many levels and yet in a way…they are so similar.

_Especially their eyes_

I've been thinking for the past few days I'm observing Allen and come to one single theory, which I somehow secretly hoped it become a fact, that Allen is Al. It makes so much sense but at the same time it didn't. It sounds ridiculous at the same time it sounds reasonable.

Whenever I tried to find a proof of Allen being Al, the pros and cons will always be balanced out. It frustrated me to no end.

I park my car and get outside, locking the door and walk towards the hospital. I really need to take a few days rest rather than keeping my mind running all the time, especially since for the past weeks. It felt as if I've known Allen for a month when in truth it's been only about a week.

Time seems to fly so slowly when I'm with him.

I walked to the direction of Yu-chan's room when I remember that I need to go to the vending machine since I haven't have my breakfast and decided to take a drink here. As I walk back to the lobby, someone had bumped into me, making me startled because I didn't see this person walking towards my direction either. He was short…with white hair…

…an old man running around in hospital? What in the world had gone into?

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

_Ehh…? That voice…could it be…?_

"Allen…?"

He raised his head and showed how surprised he was when I said his name and I almost chuckled if not for the way he stared at me, making my heart going crazy, deafening me and making me nervous and yet at the same time, I felt calm and happy.

He takes a hold of my hand and closed his eyes, shielding it from the world. He smiled softly and something gripped my heart at the sight. He looks so innocent, so naïve and trusting, so honest…and yet I doubted his feelings for me. I even blame his feelings for the memory I've been having about Al and that his feelings are not true, and mine were just an illusion of my love towards my best friend and take it on him.

The guilt gripped my heart painfully, as if I had betrayed him. I didn't like it.

I smiled and hug him tightly. How lucky I am for meeting him and for him to accept me as his friend and have feelings for me even though I know, I'm sure, that we're both still confused about it but it doesn't really matter for now because having him this close, makes me really happy.

I noticed that his eyes look different. Somehow, there's more shine in his eyes than usual. And it seems that as if he was staring at…me?

"Allen…your eyes…"

He looked sheepish and told me that he can see now. This Allen, who was blind two days ago, now can see. He has his eyesight back! I don't know what to feel, happy that he can see but also missed him for being blind.

I don't even know why but maybe because when he was blind, the way he look at me, it makes me feel as if he can see me alone in his world and I take pleasure in knowing that. It makes me feel special to Allen but now that he can see, there's not just gonna be me in his world but also the rest of the world. It kinda makes me feel sad.

He told me that he was here to do some checkup on his condition and I was glad that he was ok. I missed him a lot for the past two days and now seeing him, it relish the feeling of worries and missing him, to the point it make my heart fluttered with so much happiness.

"_Lavi-sama…could it be that he's your boyfriend?"_

I turned wide eyes at the nurse, who was working at the reception desk, and opened my mouth, only to have nothing coming out. She giggled and I blushed slightly, noting how much I look like an idiot with my mouth opening and closing like that.

"_N-No… he's just a friend!"_ I wave my hand dismissively, feeling my smile twitching.

"_Oh, okay!"_ she giggled again and I know for sure she didn't believe what I said. _"It's just that…he looked so happy when he sees you and you return the same feeling towards him, Lavi-sama."_

My smile almost dropped when what she said finally registered in my mind, gripping my can of coffee tightly in my hand to keep me from slipping from the world. _He's really happy at seeing me, huh?_ I smiled at the nurse and put a finger on my lips, signaling her to be silent about it. She blushed and nodded her head, a determine expression on her face.

_I will keep it secret from the fans, Lavi-sama!_ She mouthed, and salute towards me to emphasis that she's serious. I almost chuckled at her enthusiasm.

_Yaoi fans… she's definitely a fujoshi._

Being famous and well known for my singing is one thing, being friend with son of a well known International Award doctor is another thing. I sighed in dejectedly, feeling a slight headache coming on just by thinking of Yu. _He's such a stubborn bastard, that Yu…_

I walk towards the direction of Yu's ward when I turn my head in reflex, to see the direction where Allen had gone off to only to widen my eyes in shock. There…a man leaning against the wall…is someone I know. I know him…so familiar…

He turn his head and stare at me with a glare, a frown marred his face, showing his anger as red as his hair. We stare at each other for a few seconds more before he moved away from the wall. My heart beat so fast that I have to clutch it to calm it down, as if it thinks the owner is going to die. I almost jump when the man simply walk forward towards a door, slide it open before disappear inside, away from my view.

My breaths become labored and my vision hazy, feeling the gears in my mind working so fast that it made me dizzy. That man was leaning against a wall at the hall where Allen had gone off to, he walk towards a door and disappear inside, and from where from I stood I can faintly see Allen's white hair and most importantly…the look of anger and loath that crossed the man's face.

He knew me… I'm sure of it.

_Cross Marian…_

Calming my breath, I open the can and take a big gulp of the cold coffee, feeling the cold liquid slide down my esophagus, making my body shivered. I let out a sigh and stare at the can in my hand, crushing it in my grasp. I don't know if I should feel happy and glad or become to hate and despised the person who I came attracted to. I can feel my heart clench painfully in my chest, feeling the ugly betrayal clawing itself to me, whispering harsh and hurtful words.

_Allen is under Cross care. And Cross is someone Al introduced to me before, six years ago… no, seven years ago when we met. Cross is Al's father's friend._

_Allen somehow triggered my memory and feelings about Al. The feelings I have towards Allen somehow resurface the longing I had about Al. And lastly…the similarity of Al and Allen…_

Everything seems to crashing down on me and I struggled to keep myself up, leaning against the white wall for support when my legs feel wobbly as I came to one single, yet doubtful, realization.

_Has Allen been lying to me all this time?_

The sense of betrayal is still there, clawing at my heart, whispering doubts and insecurities at the discovery but I brush it off. Leaning away from the wall, I walk towards Yu's ward, my body felt cold and numb and…

…_hurt_

_It hurt so much…_

But despite what I feel, there's this uneasy feeling I have. It doesn't make sense, it says, that Allen is blind all this time and didn't know anything about me, as if he didn't recognize me at all… as if this is the first time we met…as if he lost his _memory_…

Sighing deeply, I try to compose myself, putting my usual happy face as I entered Yu's room, watching him in amusement when he look shocked, his eyes widen slightly and he hastily put his phone away on the nightstand beside him. It's no use to feel doubt and think clueless like this. I guess…I have to pay a visit to my uncle Bookman. All my old things are still in his house after all.

"What's with you, stupid rabbit?"

I shook my head and take a seat near his bed. For now, I will keep my feelings for Allen. For now, I will accept him. For now, I will…trust him.

"Nothing," I said, smiling at Yu. "I was just a little irritable for not having any breakfast because a certain _someone_ texted me at six in the morning" –_when any sane person would still asleep or just woken up for doing their daily morning routine, not woken up harshly and rudely, then only to be putted in a panic stricken mode, and have to hastily make their way to get dress and drive away to the one who woke them, only to finally realized said person is actually a bastard_- "and _demanding_ me to come because he's feeling _lonely_ and bored." I made sure to emphasis those words to tick him off –since I'm pretty sure he can't hear my thought in between- and I was proven victorious when Yu turned his head towards me, oozing dark auras.

Yu growled, his eyes flashed with anger as he glared at me, his hands twitching as if wanting to grab something. I inwardly laugh inside, loving the expression. "I'm not lonely nor am I bored, you _rabbit_!"

I laughed and teased him for the rest of the hour I'm with him, feeling myself to be calm for now. The rest of the conversation felt like a blur to me. That is, until he said those words about Allen. Keeping my composure, I can feel my lips twitching and my eyebrow furrowed slightly, when I utter words of confusion, flinching slightly as the words of lies leave a tingling burn on my tongue.

_No… it's not entirely a lie_, I whispered to myself. I still didn't have a proof of Allen's true identity, of his motives and purpose, of everything that happen for the weeks we've known about each other.

"_It's not like I love him…"_ I feel myself whispered the words, no emotions latched in the words I had uttered, as if I'm detached from the world and I'm somewhere far in my own little world. But somehow, those words send pang of utter loneliness and pain to my heart, twisting and clenching said organ in the most painful way. My breath becomes labored and I have to clutch my head as my vision started to swim.

_It hurt…_

_It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt._

"Lavi…? Lavi!" Yu shouted but it felt so far away. _So far away…_

The last thing I remembered was a pair of pale blue eyes looking at me, akin to hurt and lost showed in those eyes, a lone tear slide down, leaving a wet trail down the pale flushed cheeks, before utter blackness grabbing a hold of my very sight.

"_Allen…_"

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_Voices_

_And darkness_

_I'm surrounded in darkness and…_

…_voices whispered to me. So soft and almost comforting…_

_I can't comprehend what they say. It sounds slurred and indistinguishable. _

"_Lavi…"_

_Where am I?_

"_Wake up…"_

When I open my eyes slightly, somehow deep in my mind, I was expecting a pair of familiar pale blue eyes greets me, a smile etched on the pale pink lips and a small blush marred the pale cheeks. A kiss will be presented on my chaste lips as a greeting gesture of _good morning_. But when my mind finally cleared up slightly, everything come crashing down to reality; there's no beautiful pale blue eyes, no soft loving smile, no blush on a pale skin and no morning kiss –just_ reality_.

_A harsh reality where it pained me so much like a dagger craved my heart, piercing the flesh open and steals my very love and soul for someone, letting the blood of salvation dripped to the black and endless oblivion…_

_Allen…_

"Oh… he's waking up," a familiar feminine voice said. I heard some shuffling and something cold pressed on my forehead before it disappear and instead went to my hand, pinching the pulse at my wrist. I almost grimaced and flinched but my mind is so fogged up that I can't think of anything. I feel like crying though I don't know why. What was that just now, anyway? An old memory…?

_If so then why did I feel like I'm going to break…?_

_Wasn't it supposed to feel wonderful and full of happiness? Why did I feel so sad, then?_

"Hn," the familiar grunt of Yu presented itself like cold coins given to a poor child. I almost smiled at that.

Finally, I open my eyes fully, flinching at the harsh lights. I cover my squinting eyes, grunted at the sore feelings of my body for lying on a stiff and hard bed for a long time. When my eyes finally adjusted, I remove my hand and stare at the people surrounding me. I found Yu-chan right away, staring down at me with irritation with a tiny hint concern in his eyes, his hands crossed over his chest in intimidating manner. I give him a slight sheepish smile before turn to look at the beautiful woman standing a few feet away, wearing a white coat with a stethoscope draped around her neck.

"_Aa-h, hello Kanda-sensei!"_ I greets her in Japanese and with a smile, and she returns it with one of her own.

"_Hello, Lavi-kun,"_ she replied. _"How are you feeling?"_

I grinned brightly and give her my trademark _peace_ sign, _"Never better… though I'm confused on why I'm in Yu's bed…?"_ I turn confused eyes to Yu –who was still staring at me with those eyes- only to meet with silent, sending off uncomfortable shivers run up my spine. _Yu…?_

"_It seems that you fainted, Lavi-kun,"_ Kanda-sensei replied, oblivious to the suddenly tensed atmosphere. _"I heard that you've been busy for the bands and all, but please take care of yourself and eat properly-"_

"_Enough, mother_," Yu spat harshly, lowly in heavy accent of Japanese. _"He doesn't need you to speak endlessly when he clearly knows how to take care of himself. Now if you please, leave us alone."_

I watched with blank expression when she simply nodded and bowed her head, before make her way out. When she slide the door closed, our eyes met and I know she understand the meaning underneath my gaze -_I'm sorry for that…- _and she simply smiled softly in understanding.

"You did it again," I hear Yu whispered softly and I turn to regard him. He's still staring at me with those eyes and it makes me frustrated somehow. In those eyes are sympathy and something akin to disappointment, and I held the growl that threaten to escape from my sealed lips by gulping the lump in my throat. _I hate that look. It's the look that Uncle Bookman always throws at me._

…_and _my_ parents who abandon me_

Putting on a strain smile, I tilt my head to the side. "What do you mean, Yu?" I watched as his eyes shifted back into its usual cold and expressionless facade –I almost sighed in relief at that- and turn his gaze away with a mumbling "Tch". I can see his hands are trembling, trying to control his anger, trying to hold it and restraining it from him doing something –like hurting me- and just settled for clenching and unclenching of fists.

"Don't play dumb, you stupid _rabbit_," he gritted his teeth, letting those words flow in between of clenched teeth. "You're always like this! When you're in pain, you always like this!" he growled out, his fist shaking besides him.

I can practically see the smile slipping from my face, and changed into a deep scowl. I furrowed my eyebrows and stayed silent, sealing my lips tightly. I can feel the headache coming again and the blurry images coming from my vision, indicating that I'm going back to a state of hyperventilating. The blackness at the edge of my vision crawled itself to the center slowly, taking my consciousness away. _I'm slipping… I'm slipping again…_ A soft sensation on my lips jolted me back to reality and I widen my eyes in shock.

Yu move his lips on mine, his hand threading itself to my red hair, inclining my head forward and I unconsciously comply. It's just a simple kiss, no tongue and no movement –simply just a touch of lips with a sense of calm and contentment. He moved away and I open my closed eyes –I don't remember closing them- and stare into Yu's dark eyes. He smiled his small rare smile and I give one of my own back to him, feeling my body relaxed and sighed softly. Yu retreat his hand and sit beside me on the bed and we stayed silent just like that, no words were uttered and just basked ourselves with each other's warmth.

"_You do know well what I'm talking about, right?"_ he whispered softly, crossing his arms. His face didn't show any anger and his eyes didn't show those sympathy and disappointment –just a look of concern and stoicism. I smiled and lean my head on his shoulder. I can feel him tensing at the gesture before relaxing –my guess is he decided to ignore it- and I sighed.

"_Not really…" _I honestly whispered back, feeling my eyes dropping. _"I don't really know. I have a hunch but I don't know how to see it as."_

He sighed irritably, his body slowly tensing. _"When you're depressed, you tend to go into a state of hyperventilating and stand still before you pass out. I noticed it only happen when you're in so much pain and sorrow. Maybe it's your way of defending yourself?"_

I hummed in thought, never once did I think it that way. _"You mean as in defense mechanism?" _I feel him nodded his head and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and deep thought. _It's a way of me protecting myself from further emotional injuries? Did this happen before? Maybe because of an old paranoia and bad memory…_

"Hmm…Maybe…" I sighed, whispering to myself but I know Yu can hear me –and decided not to say anything- so I just let it slip.

After a few minutes of silence I decided to let Yu rest –since he's the sick one here, not me- and bid him _ja matta_, before walking back to the lobby in daze. I faintly hear someone call me and I turn to see it was the female nurse from earlier, her face showed concern and slight panic so I stop and waited for her to stand in front of me before I ask her what happen. What she said next send shivers of panic and dread down my body.

"_Lavi-sama… the boy with white hair,"_ she said, her voice quiver slightly but I didn't take any notice of it. …didn't dare myself to take notice of it._ "He was here an hour ago so I thought maybe he's waiting for you but…"_

"_But…?"_ I pressed on blankly. I'm tired of this. Tired of these feelings, tired of the feeling of worries, tired of me feeling depress and running away from everything.

"_But he seems to be crying when he sat there near the window so I was wondering if something happen between you two. He looked so shocked and his eyes are red and puffy. He looked terrible, Lavi-sama…"_

I turn my head and stare at the –now- empty chair by the window and walk towards it and sit on it. A wave of emotions suddenly filled my body and I closed my eyes. _I'm tired…_

"_L-Lavi-sama…? Are you ok?"_ the nurse asked. _"Why are you…crying?"_

I touch my cheek, feeling the wetness at the base of my fingers and trace the trail. Allen is also in pain, isn't he? I'm not the only one who's in pain so there's no need of me trying to run and hide anymore. _Not anymore…_

_I'm tired. I'm so tired for running away. _

_It's time for me to stop and look back to see those who I had hurt and leave away behind. Maybe I can't go back and retraced my steps… but I can at least wait a little and take a light step, one at a time._

_It's no use of being alone again, for running away and hiding from everything. It's time to accept and fight._

_If I give up now, Allen will be left with no protection. If I run away, he will be left behind. If I hide, he will be lonely. If I keep doing this, I will end up hurting him more than helping him._

_I need to end this._

Wiping the tears away, I smiled reassuringly at her. "I'm fine… I just…finally I came to know his feelings. But that's not enough. I need to understand him and his feelings. For now, I will trust him."

"_Etto…Lavi-sama? I don't understand a word you said."_

I chuckled and shake my head. _"I'm fine. Thank you for informing me. Ja!" _I stand up and walk way towards the automatic glass door. As I step outside, the warmth of the sun hit me comfortably and I sighed in contentment before walk to my parked car. There's only one tow destination I have in mine, my old house –where Uncle Bookman lived- and Allen's apartment. Both places have answers to my doubts and questions.

_For now…I will keep these feelings._

_Because I know Allen did the same too…_

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A/n: A-nd CUT! What did I just cut? The scene of course! –chuckled darkly- Whew, there're so many emotions in here than the previous chapters I've been posting, huh? I even cried on certain scene… if only I can express Lavi's and Allen's feelings more…

But one thing I'm too shocked about and I almost left speechless at what I found. Along the turning of the life and relationship of our beloved characters, I noticed that Lavi and Kanda kiss more than Allen with Lavi! WTH! D: This story is supposed –no, this story IS- to be LAVEN! GODDAMNIT! –pull hairs out in frustration- if this keeps going on, I might get bold!

Er…anyway, **review!**

P.s: Did you guys watch/read **No.6**? Did you guys notice the two main characters somehow strikingly resemble Allen and Kanda? It's as if it's their AU person, with different name. Their personality is same too like Allen and Kanda! It's as if it's a story purely made for Yullen! LOL!


	11. Chapter 7

A/n: Guys~ Everyone~ Thank you so much for the reviews. I really love you guys! And it had reached 100 reviews too! Kyaaa~ I'm so happy!

Now be prepared for the story cuz it might shock you (or not…) and some of the past will be revealed. Let's get on with Allen's pov, shall we?

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**B**lindly **i**n **L**ove –Chapter 7

**R**evelations **o**f **t**he **p**ast

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It was so dark. Being unconscious is so scary because you aren't aware of what's going on beyond your unconscious mind, not knowing what happened, things that could be the end of you and you wouldn't know it.

_It's so blindingly dark…_

I've never been afraid of dark in my whole life, after all this time for me being blind. I was too ignorance enough about the darkness, not caring enough to worry about it, and just plain accept it and live, without all the truth about myself unknown to me…

_As if I was kept in the dark…_

I sometimes wonder why I'm blind. There are a lot of reasons and speculations I made in my mind, trying to find the truth behind everything. But so far, none is convincing enough, not strong enough, to give me the trust I want… to accept that's how it happened.

After regaining my sight, there's this fear edging at the back of my mind, clawing itself like _death_ hiding somewhere, lurking at the corner, and waiting.

_Waiting and waiting and waiting…_

Waiting for me at my weakest state, and sweep me off my feet and carry me off to somewhere, to a place that is dark and cold and just plain…empty.

_I'm scared… I don't want to die… Not yet…_

I'm afraid… for not knowing anything… for not understand anything… I barely and vaguely aware of the way my body fall and the ever distance of my balcony going further and further away, with the wind swishing around me, caressing me with such gentleness that going to die seems to be just a dream…a nightmare that will soon vanish the moment I woke up.

_Please help me…_

All noise and movements were vanished to the back of my mind as I stared at the green eyes I've finally came to see. I don't remember what happen. Everything moved so slow and fast at the same time, as if it my life was being forward and rewind back and forth. And those worried green eyes boring into mine look so out of place from its usual cheeriness and happiness that was always shown whenever I'm there, whether when I'm imagining him when I'm blind, or the time when I finally get to see him… now covered with layered of worry and… fear.

"Allen! Stay with me! You're gonna be ok… please…" Lavi whispered so loudly to me.

I can only offer a small reassuring smile and brush his red bangs away from his face with my trembling hand. "La-Lavi… I'm ok… Don't worry…" I said softly, the breath I take felt so painful in my chest and the darkness came again, trying to take me away. Before I get to finally sleep away to unconscious, I heard a voice, also filled worry. It was so familiar… whispered so lovingly…

"_Allen… it's ok. I'm here. You will be ok…"_

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"_Allen! Allen, wake up!"_

_Allen opened his bluish-gray eyes, the trace of sleepiness is clearly shown in his expression as he stared at the same pare of bluish-gray eyes, only slightly darker and sharper, stronger than his. He slowly tried to sit up and look around, only to finally remember he had fallen asleep while they were hanging out on their favorite spot on the hill, just at the back of their house's garden._

"_Finally! You're awake!" a joyous and slightly deep voice said, coupled with a bubbly contagious laugh. "For a moment there I thought you're a doll, Allen! That maybe, my little brother is actually an adorable and beautiful doll."_

_Allen huffed lazily, with a small pout on his lips as he rubbed his eyes from the sleep. He glared softly; his bangs covered his forehead and eyes in a tousled heap, with the hood in the way of his face and head. "I was tired and you were talking non-stop about that red haired boy that you met across the field. All I get was that he keeps telling you that he's awesome."_

"_Not only that! He's also here on vacation with his parents and since he's bored, I'm kind enough to play with him, you know." _

"_Al… shut up…" Allen mumbled; his voice slightly hoarse from the sleep and there's no malice in his voice. He stared at the sky, his bluish-gray eyes shone brightly as the stars reflected on his crystal clear eyes._

_Al stayed silent and watched Allen with awe, loving the sight of his twin brother. They are twin, yes, but in a way, they didn't look exactly the same. He look –based from Mana- like their uncle, Neah while Allen look like…well, himself. They are like the moon and the sun, the day and the night; always opposite despite them being together since in their mother's womb._

_But he always admired Allen's beauty, his white hair, his eyes and his pale skin… it's just intriguing him. And he loved him so much. He's the only close relative he has anyway. Mana doesn't count because he's an adoptive father who died two years ago in an accident –which is how Allen got the scar on his left eye. It's a miracle how he survived- leaving them with less to no money and an old house while their uncle Neah had died long ago when they were eight._

_So having his Allen beside him is the most important thing to him. _

"_Why are you staring at me like that?" he heard Allen said, his eyes wide in curiosity and his lips curved in a slight frown. _

_Al shook his head, and smiled his wide grin. "Nothing~ I was just mesmerized by your beauty, that's all!"_

_A cute blush marred the pale face and his eyebrows furrowed, "S-Stop saying that, Al! It's embarrassing!"_

_He just chuckled and hugs Allen from the back, wrapping his hands around the small shoulder of his brother. He sighed and just stayed like that, warming Allen. _

_Since birth, Allen is always weak. He has a weak body, weak stamina and the most terrifying of all… a weak heart. His weak body always the cause of his downfall and yet Allen never gives up living and strives to live with all his might. He will always smile, always helping others and never, not even once has he ever hurt anyone, both physically and emotionally._

_And Al always loved Allen for that. _

"_I love you, Allen," he whispered, hugging Allen tighter. _

_It doesn't matter to him if Allen didn't have the same love to him as he is to Allen. Allen loved him as a brother and he love Allen as…more than that. As long as Allen needs him, as long as Allen wants him, it will be enough for him._

"_I love you too…"_

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_It's been a week now since that moment shared between the two of them. After that night, things had changed –for better or worse, are depend on how you see it. During that week, Al had spent most of his time with their new neighbor, leaving Allen to entertain himself alone in their house. Master was gone away for a while –doing you know what- and there's barely anything to do. Although Al did spend the rest of the evening with him, so he didn't feel all left out._

_All his life, Allen felt like a trapped animal. He's always inside, doing whatever he can in his state. He's also been shunned by other kids because he's a burden and a nuisance to them, so didn't have any friends to begin with. All he has is Al._

_In a way, he was thankful that he can be alone for a while, without his brother watching him like a hawk, watching his every movement with sharp eyes. Just like a stalker; Al is too possessive and too protective._

_And he's… afraid of Al…_

_Of course, he love his brother but freedom is something he's always wanted, always crave for, so he can live in his own way, just like the dream he always had during the night. _

_But without Al, he's useless. No one needs him, a weak young boy who didn't even have a parent in the first place. Without Al… he felt lonely and fear of having no one. After all, they are the halves of each other._

"_Reasons… all of them…" he whispered, clutching his chest, feeling it tighten with the thought of the half lies in his mind._

'_I just want him to live for himself. Just once, I want him to care only for himself, his happiness, his life… and his love. I want him to be selfish for once…'_

_Allen sighed as he gasped for breath. Walking towards the small hill of their usual place, he made his way to rest under the big bark of a tree, feeling himself relaxed and be in content, surrounding himself with nature, feeling the winds blows on his face and hair and the warmth of the setting sun on his skin. His whispered voice is drifting away, carried by the wind to someplace far, as he closed his eyes tiredly._

"_I don't mind being alone if it means for your happiness…"_

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_The rest of the week, Allen spends less and less time with Al and instead alone at the hill, just watching the sky and relaxing. And yet, despite feeling glad to be away from the usual routine, he was hoping to spend at least a little bit more with Al. Even though he said that he wouldn't mind being alone for the sake of Al's happiness, the tightening loneliness around his heart won't go away. _

_Since little… no, at the young age, he was told that he won't live long like anybody else. His time is short –although not specific- he knew he will die young. It could be now; it could be tomorrow or the day after that. All his time, he always wanted to die happy, at least with someone and not… alone. To die alone is painful… it's as if your existent is just a menial thing to others. Unimportant and unneeded._

_And you will lose in time, forgotten and not remembered. If anyone even bothered to know you that is…_

_Allen sighed as he lean his back against the bark of the tree, on the usual spot, alone yet again. He was just about to let himself to slip to sleep, when a shadow looming over him, covering him from the warmth of the setting sun. he opened his eyes, expecting Al to smiling down at him like he used to but only to be met with something completely send him off guard._

_Curious green eyes watched him carefully, his head tilted to the side, as if pondering what to say or what to make out of what he was seeing. Allen just stared back, waiting for the other person to say something._

"_You… you're not an angel, are you…?" he said, his voice laced with confusion and hidden awe. _

_Allen blinked his eyes many times, trying to get the question across in his foggy and sleepy mind. And when he did, a blush makes its way to his pale cheeks, and he averts his eyes away._

"_Wha-… why did you said that?" he stuttered._

_The boy just smiled softly and put a hand on Allen's head, ruffling his good as if he tried to ruffle his hair, and sit next to him under the shade of the tree. "Because you looked so peaceful and calm just now and you're like you didn't breathe at all that I thought I had found a statue or an angel. You're so beautiful…"_

_The blush on Allen's cheeks only to deepen after those words was uttered, making him flustered and shy. He turned his head away to hide his red face but it seems that the boy already saw and smiled wider. "D-Don't say such words. It's embarrassing…"_

"_But it's true…" he said, turning his gaze away to the scene in front of them; a vast view of the field of Allen's home. "And I'm honest in telling you that."_

_Allen watched the boy from the corner of his eye, taking in the sight of the strange boy sitting beside him. His green eyes were wide as he take in the beautiful scenery in front of him, his red flaming hair –as red as the color of the sunset, like fiery flame- moved with the wind as if pass by them, making it look like a dancing fire protecting a precious emerald gem, to keep it from anyone's reach._

'…_unreachable,' Allen thought. '…And so precious. He's like a born adventure. It's endless and has many forms, so adrenaline rushing and fun. No matter how much you tried to reach out your hand to grasp it, it will always slip between your finger and fade away again, making you want to keep on trying and trying because in the end, it's worth it.'_

_This boy is just like a treasure with a protective ward around him like a fiery snake, coiling around him in protective manner so no one can reach him._

"_You…"_

"_Hm? What did you said?" the boy asked, looking at Allen with his jade eyes._

_Allen smiled and met the gaze, keeping it intact and unbreakable. "Thank you."_

_The boy grinned, making his eyes scrunched up in a crescent shape as his cheeks widen and stretched, his teeth showed to be perfect, giving off a beautiful smile. "You're welcome! What's your name? My name is Rabi!"_

"_Ra…bi…?" Allen asked, tilting his head to the side. "You have a weird accent."_

_Rabi looked sheepish and rub the back of his head, "Well, I actually from Europe but all my life I've been living in Japan. Though I do travelled a lot due to my parent's work, I mostly live in Japan and that's how you pronounce my name. I'm just used to it, I guess…"_

"_Hmm…" Allen shrugged his shoulders and offered a tiny smile, "Then I'm…"_

'_All you need is me, Allen. You don't need anyone else. Remember that, Allen, I love you and always will…' Al whispered in his head, making Allen almost flinch visibly._

"_You're…?"_

_Swallowing the lump in his throat, Allen whispered, "Nella… My name is Nella."_

"_Nella? Are you a girl?" Rabi asked; his face suddenly so close to Allen's that he had to move away slightly._

"_N-No! I'm a boy!"_

"_Oh, okay then," he said, smiling. "Then I should give you a greeting!"_

"_Greeting…?"_

_Allen didn't get the chance to voice his question when a pair of lips met his. His eyes widen in shock, feeling his heart beaten faster in his chest and hurting him. But he can't…he couldn't move away, even though it's just a touch to his lips from another boy._

'_What is this feeling?' Allen thought, his eyes closing slowly, hiding it from the darkening world. All traces of the warmth of the setting sun slowly vanished to the horizon, leaving them in a slight darkness. 'There's something fluttering inside of me, something is forming… something that is vague and without a shape… slowly make itself inside of me…'_

_What is this…?_

_It felt like hours but it's only for a few seconds and Rabi released Allen after that, his eyes shining in the dark, giving him the image of a stunning nature. Allen opened his eyes and stared at those wonderful green eyes, his breath a little labored._

"_Why…did you do that?" he asked breathlessly, clutching his beating heart. 'So painful… it hurt…'_

"_It's a greeting," Rabi replied, his smile is one of a curious child. "And I didn't notice it before because of the sun but now in the dark, I notice it. Your eyes look exactly like someone I know. Only yours are slightly paler. I thought you were him at first but now on closer look, you didn't look like him at all."_

_Allen stayed silent, knowing full well who Rabi was talking about and he felt the fear gripping him like a shadow, so dark and cold. "Rabi… could it be that you live across the field on the other side…?" he asked with a controlled voice, knowing full well his body is shaking underneath his thick clothes. And from the nod of Rabi's head, Allen clutched his chest tightly._

"_Could…Could you promise me something?" he said, his voice shaking by now and Rabi did catch it this time, his eyes become slightly worried but he nodded his head nonetheless._

"_Please don't tell anyone that you met me. The villagers don't like me and I don't want to bring you any trouble so… please keep this a secret to everyone. And when I said everyone, I mean it. Not even to your best friend or to your parents. Not a single soul…"_

"_But…why…?" Rabi asked._

"_Please… just promise me… or I'll get in trouble and probably you too…" Allen whispered, his head lowered, shadowing his face with his jacket's hood._

"_Okay, I promise!" Rabi said, reaching out his hand to Allen. "Pinkie promise!" he grinned._

_Allen look at it and give a small smile, also reaching out his hand. "P-Pinkie…promise…"_

_The rest of the night, Allen smiled in his sleep. In his wonderful dream, he laughed happily. But this time, he's not alone. Rabi stayed and laughed alongside with him._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Now it's become a routine. During the day he will spend his time alone in the house, during noon and sunset, he will spend his time at the small hill with Rabi while at night, he will spend his time with Al. It was strange but he's happy. Even though he can't spend with everyone at the same time, he was glad. He's so glad that his little imperfect world has something to be looking forward to._

_Allen had wish that it will stay like that forever. But life was never fair to anyone. That night, was the first most painful night he ever experience._

…

_He was supposed to go to sleep with Al that night but his instinct told him that something is wrong. So Allen, ever so graceful, tip toed his way out of the house and run his small feet to the small hill, careful not to trip and injured himself._

_When he was there, Rabi was already sitting under the tree. His head was hung low and shadows engulfing him like a blanket. The sight almost frighten Allen but when he take a careful step, he noticed the one single tear run down Rabi's cheek._

"_Rabi…?"_

_At the sound of his voice, Rabi seems to break away from whatever trance he was in and look at him, turning his head. "Nella…? What are you doing here?" he asked; his voice hoarse and deep, like something caught in his throat. _

"_I don't…know. I just felt that there's something is wrong and make my way here. I didn't know you'll be here, Rabi," Allen said softly, making his way to sit beside Rabi._

_Rabi smiled and chuckled, but it sound so hallow and forceful. As if he tried to let it pass his lips to see, to hear, how it sound. Allen didn't participate and just watched Rabi silently, worried that he might hurt him instead of helping him._

"_Are you…okay?" he asked softly, whispering the words carefully._

_Rabi sighed and turn his head away, looking past the scenery in front of him to the sky above, with stars twinkling so brightly. "Yeah… I'll manage."_

"_Say, Nella… you said it once that if you were with me, it's as if you can see anything, right?" Rabi suddenly ask after a moment of silent and Allen nodded his head, not knowing where this conversation is going. "Well, what do you see right now?"_

_Allen smiled and rest his head on Rabi's shoulder, sighing. "I can see the two of us sitting like this, watching the night's sky with the stars and the moon above us, shining ever so brightly. I can see the stars that are far away from the eyes, because I know it's there, struggling to shine like the others so it can be noticed, that it's there and will never give up. I can see that Rabi, despite an outgoing and cheerful, is actually have a soft and caring heart, that you actually care something even though you said it to yourself that you didn't. I can see… that you can do it, to move forward despite everything that will fall on you and make you down, you will be back on your feet and continue on. That's how I see it, the world…"_

_Rabi stayed silent again and Allen just let him be, knowing well that he might have a lot in his mind. They just stayed like that, in each other's company ad stare at the sky._

"_Do you think that… I have a purpose to be living in this world…?" Rabi whispered; his hands both on his lap clenched tightly._

"_Of course, because you made your own purpose, not set by anyone. You have the right to live the world as you like and live your life to the fullest. You might feel as if you're a mistake or unneeded or a burden to some people, but just ignore it and create your own life, your own world, and just live and live… with everyone that cared about you and accepts you for who you are by your side."_

_Rabi chuckled and shake his head, amusement clearly showed in his eyes. "I didn't know you can be a good therapist. Will… you be my side then, Nella?"_

_Those words felt heavy and painful to Allen and he struggled yet again to control his voice this time, not like before when he was shaking in fear. This kind of fear is different and he didn't know how to see it as._

"_I will."_

"_Then… can you promise me something? Since I did make a promise with you before…"_

"_What is it…?"_

_The fear of losing someone, of being alone again, gripped Allen's heart so much that he thought he might die from it._

"_Will you wait for me? One day, I will find you again…"_

"_W-What do you mean wait, Rabi?" Allen stuttered, his breath slightly become shallow by the minute._

"_I… have to go somewhere. I might not come back here again. But I will find you no matter where, so… can you promise me that you will wait?"_

_Allen smiled a strain smile and shakily reach out his hand, "Pinkie promise…"_

_Rabi grinned, his feature was shine by the moonlight above, giving an ethereal glow to him and Allen couldn't find himself to gaze away and stare at Rabi, catching the image into his head and memorize everything what his eyes can see._

"_Pinkie promise!"_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

…_And his life didn't end there yet._

_Just a few feet away, a pair of glowing cold and steely gray eyes watched them with anger and hate. His lips pulled down into a deep scowl and a growl escape his lips in a menacing manner. He take a step, followed by another as he make his way to the two figure laughing happily under the tree._

"_What are you guys doing?" he whispered harshly, startling them._

_Rabi turned his head and look at him, his eyes showed shock and surprise while Allen turned slowly, his shining bluish-gray eyes filled with worry and…fear. That image of his little brother of terrified of him only make the heat of anger inside of him to boil and he flashed an angry glare at Rabi, making said boy flinched._

"_A-Al… What…are you doing here?" Rabi asked; his smile strain on his face._

"_So… this is what you have been doing, Rabi? Betraying me…?" he asked with a harsh tone. "You said you love me and yet here you are, kissing and hugging Allen, my own little brother!"_

"_Wha-…wait, what? Brother? Allen? Who…?" Rabi stuttered, his face keeps on changing from shock to confuse to hurt. "I didn't betray you, Al!"_

"_Lies! I saw it! I saw you kissed Allen!" Al raged, now shouting so loudly, his fists on both of his side clenched tightly. He pound Rabi to the ground and punch him in the face, making Rabi grunted in pain and his head was thrown to the side harshly. "You said you love me! I told you to not seeing my brother! You knew I love him! You knew I love you too! And yet… And yet!"_

_Allen rushed to Al, who's straddling Rabi from getting away, and tried to pry his brother off, "Al! Stop it, you're hurting him!" he shouted but it went to deaf ears and it was painful for him to see his important people to fight like this, hurting each other like this…_

"_AL! STOP! You're hurting him. Please stop!"_

_Allen grab Al's arm, taking hold of it as tightly as he can. But wrath is something as dangerous as a beast. It will never settle until it gets what it wanted. A satisfaction._

"_SHUT UP!"_

_So when Al shoved Allen away, it only make the wrath getting worse, as Allen's foot slipped the edge and fall into the edge of the hill. Al stopped; watching his brother's figure vanished from his sight like a flash and he struggled to get up and rushed over the edge, watching and staring at the slumped figure down below, not moving and just sprawled there._

"_ALLEEEEEN!"_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

"_He's okay, the grass and the soft ground had taken the force of his downfall so he was just in shock. Though I don't really get what happen, but please refrain from anything that might shock him from now on. His heart is so weak and he might not able to live if something shocked him again."_

_The voice of the doctor's dull voice rang into Al's head like thousands of needless. He clenched his hands tightly in a fist, biting his lips tightly between his teeth, drawing blood but he didn't care. He faintly and emotionlessly watched as Cross lead the doctor out without saying anything to him and he knew it. _

_It was his fault. He almost killed the only person he love the most. No… it's one of the people he loves the most._

_He remembered Rabi's face, covered in bruises and cuts but he didn't blame Al one bit. He just smiled his usual grin and give him a kiss, hugging him tightly in his hold, whispering soft and reassuring words, patting his head like always._

_He hated himself. How could he ever deserve someone loving as Allen and some as faithful as Rabi? He didn't know and it makes his frustrated._

_Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?_

_WHY?_

"_I thought you knew by now, Al, after spending your life with Allen…" Rabi had said. "Everyone deserves to love and be loved. No one is an exception, not even you. And I do love you… Maybe not more than a friend, because that's the only thing I can offer, but I still do love you the same. So please keep yourself together because we're always beside you. You will do the same to me and Allen, right?"_

_Of course he will and he promised them that, he will stayed by them, forever in his heart._

"…_A…l…"_

_Al jolted from his thought and turn his gaze to Allen, his skin is paler than usual, a feverish blush stain his cheeks and his usual blue eyes dulled and cloudy. He takes Allen's hand in his and grasped it softly, yet securely in his hand. He kissed it and brings it to his face, "I'm here. I will always be here, Allen…"_

"_Al… we need to go…"_

"_Go…? Go where, Allen? You're not feeling well."_

_Allen shook his head and sit up slowly. Al quickly helps him and run his hand through the white sweaty bangs away, making Allen sighed at the warm hand to his cold skin._

"_Rabi… he's going today. We need to go after him. At least to say something…" Allen said, his voice is like a whisper and it gripped Al's heart in a painful way, knowing it was him the cause of it._

"_Going…? What are you talking about, Allen?"_

"_He's going to leave us and it's today. I want to see him one last time… for now, that is."_

"_He's…leaving? But Allen, we wouldn't make it and beside-"_

"_It's not a goodbye! I don't want him to think it'll be a goodbye from us… I just want to say see you again… please, Al…" Allen said, clutching his chest, making Al worried._

"_Okay… I will. You will stay here, ok? I will run after him," Al muttered, and dashed to the front doors, hoping that he will make it in time._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_But alas, he didn't. Instead he found Allen laying on a road, looking exhausted and lifeless, a lone tear slipped from his eye._

"_ALLEN!"_

_He was hardly breathing and his skin was so cold and clammy, his pulse seems to be none existed and Al…is afraid. Fear gripping him so tightly that he was sure he didn't breath, also dying. He wondered if this is how Allen felt._

_He was always afraid; afraid of never seeing Allen again, afraid of losing Allen, afraid of the vanishing smiles and laugh of Allen, afraid of hurting him, afraid of being alone…_

_But those fears are nothing to be compared to what he was feeling at the sight of his brother laying cold on the road like that. He vaguely remember anything as he carried his brother in his arms, dashing and running to the direction of the main city, one destination was set in his mind; the hospital._

_He was afraid… to live a life without Allen because a world without him is just like not living at all._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

"_I know how to make both of us live happily forever, together, Allen," Al whispered to the unmoving figure of his brother laid on the white bed of the hospital. "And I know you're gonna mad at me for this but… I love you. I really do. Living without you… I can't imagine a life like that at all. So I'm going to give you the only thing I could give. Please take good care of it and live your life fully with it. I will always be there beside you, inside you, watching you closely, like an angel…"_

_Al smiled sadly at Allen, brushing his white hair one last time, kissing those soft pale lips one last time, and kissed his hand one last time… before he will vanish._

_No… not entirely vanish. He's just giving his only source of life to his brother. That way, he too will live, closer to Allen and freely will love him and watch over him._

"_I will give you my heart"_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

Although it was painful, I always see it in my dreams. Even though I forgot, I always see it in my dreams. And even though I can't remember, in my dreams it still lives in me. The memories of my past… although it is painful to remember, it's still is precious to me.

The beating of my heart… the sound felt like a melody to my ears. It filled with love and life, sending warmth to my body. And I love it in return.

I can't remember. It's painful to remember.

But they are precious all the same.

I don't know if I will get to know the truth one day, but I will keep dreaming, keep praying, that it won't be lost and left forgotten forever.

I was afraid… of not knowing anything, not understanding anything…

But there's this feeling of comfort, as if a pair of arms wrapping around me from behind and whispered loving and soft words, reassuring me that it'll be ok. And I trust it.

"_Don't worry, Allen. I will always here beside you, to love you. You're not alone, so please, just live…"_

…

A/n: Whew… that is a lot to write. It's not entirely the past of them since there are still the unwritten parts of Lavi and how sees things in his own way. But I hope it answered some of your question.

It'd be best if you listening to Rokutousei no Yoru during the star gazing part with Lavi and Allen. It will send the feelings through your heart. Really.

Now, **review!** ^^


	12. Chapter 8

A/n: Thank you guys for the reviews~ And also to my silent readers too~ You guys are awesome as always~ xD

And I'm really sorry for the late update. I was sick. I got a fever –it was 38.8'c- though I managed to turn it down completely back to my normal temperature, apparently my cough and Mr. Slime who's been housing in my nostril didn't want to go yet so I have to suffer for about a week. Not to mention I haven't done a thing for the Halloween (both here and dA) and I missed again this year… damn.

Well, just wish me luck, good health and fast update. LOL

Now… some replies I need to make…

**To the .moon .of .wolf:** It's ok. English is my second language too so I sometimes have problem with it… And about that, it is stated/linked to a part when Al found Allen lying on the road, breathless. It is shown that Allen had gone off despite Al's warning not to get out due to his poor condition, and run off to find Lavi. It link to the first chapter at the opening. I hope that explains it ^^

**To Tsubame-go:** I thought I already explain that…? xD It's because it's not complete. There's still Allen and Lavi's missing part so in between those spacing are hidden stories that can only be told by the respective point of views'.

**To violindreamer:** …in a way that is life. We lose something in our way. Sometimes we got it back, at times we don't. And in between we have to sacrifice what dear to us to gain something in return. I'm glad you have your eyesight back. And for that I thank you for reading my fic~ ^^ It's actually kind of hard to write about Allen being blind cuz I've never experience it. I'm just half blind –as in my eyes blur so bad. So sometimes I write Allen in my own kind of POV.

**To my other reviewers**, I really appreciate all the great feedbacks! And to my favorite reader, **Rukis von Walde/Rukis Lakeru**, thank you so much for reviewing all this time. Of course, to my other faithful reviewers and readers too! If only I can post pictures here to show you guys the latest fanarts of Blindly in Love. I even draw some doujinshi for this! xD

Erm… ok, now on to the story! It is now full Allen-centric!

…

**B**lindly **i**n **L**ove –Chapter 8

**Y**ou can't choose who to walk into your life. **Y**ou can only to decide who to **s**tay, who you let to **w**alk **a**way and who you **r**efuse to **l**et **g**o.

…

Something felt heavy on my chest for some reason and it awakes me from my sleep. Why am I asleep in the first place, anyway? Did I fall asleep? I can't remember. What happen? Opening my eyes slowly, a decorative expensive looking ceiling greets me. And where am I…? This is definitely not a hospital or my apartment. Unless perhaps I hit my head and now seeing things, I'll say I'm in someone's place.

When I look down to my chest, red covered my vision. I hesitantly brush away the red hair and reveal the face behind the red curtains, only to find a sleeping handsome face of Lavi. He looked so…serene when he was asleep. Just by the sight of him make my heart beat so fast and it seems to be intensifying. Was it because of the foggy dream I had? If I recall correctly, I vaguely remember a boy with red hair and brown white scarf around his neck. Do I know Lavi before? If yes, then why Lavi didn't know me?

Lavi's stirring from his sleep jolted me back from my thought and I feel myself tensed up, afraid that I woke him up. I don't think I can face him yet, not after what happened at the hospital. I can feel my heart clenched painfully in my chest but I willing the pain away and tried to remain calm, comforting myself that it's ok. My heartbeat is so loud to my ears, mixed with a foreign and powerful feeling and the pain and sadness together, I can hardly hear which was louder; my heart or my thought. Looking back at Lavi, I was kind of impress that he's not woken up by it since he rest his head right next to my heart.

Hesitantly, I reach out my hand and brush his hair softly so not to wake him, loving the way he sighed contently at my touch and sink deeper to his slumber. It sends fluttering feeling at my stomach, making me both uncomfortable and nervous.

_I need to get out of here…_

Just for a while, I wanted to be away from Lavi.

_I need some fresh air…_

To be here with him right now felt so suffocating and tight, almost making me hard to breathe

As carefully as I can, I manage to get Lavi's head to lie on the bed and I scoot slowly to the end of the bed and made my way to the big door. This place is huge, now that I fully awake I notice this. Where is this place, anyway? Walking down a dark empty hall, the only source of light I have is the moon's light streaming from the large windows from my right side, as I make my way around.

Lost in my own thought I didn't realize I had walk way to far from where I came from. As I turn around a corner, I was greeted by the same hallway. Did I come from here? Or was it the other way? I turn around another corner and another, taking turn after turn before I finally admit silently to myself that I'm lost in this big place.

_This is bad…_

Sighing, I reach out my hand and feel around, trying not to bump into anything and keep my pace slow and careful so I won't trip over as the hallway is getting darker and darker as I move forward. I can feel my body shivered as the dark wrapped around me like a blanket, engulfing my shadow that was cast by the moon with tendril like shadows, and covering my sight with complete darkness. This feeling is different from the time I was blind. There is hardly anything for me to fear because I can't see anything, so I don't know anything. Now, with my sight even though it's so blindingly dark, it feels different. I can still see, in a way, even though it's so dark and it sends an unknown fear rooted deep into me.

Unable to pinpoint the shadows and silhouette of my surroundings, I began to hesitate whether to continue forward or turn back to where I came from. But something is tugging at the back of my mind to move forward, to continue despite the fear and the possible horror images flashed through my mind. With a shaky leg, I take a step after step, with my breath labored and heavy and my mind foggy and dizzy.

As I walk, I bumped into a dead end. Which is weird because why anyone would make a path that only to lead to nothing in such a big…mansion? Growing accustomed to my now adjusted eyes, I feel around and found a doorknob, hidden among the design of the wallpaper.

_Should I open it?_

I know I shouldn't wonder around someone's house and poking my nose to something personal and definitely not my business. But I can't control the growing curiosity in me and I turn the knob, revealing a small door and I walk in. My breath leaves me as I draw in the sight in front of me. Despite the small door, on the other side was an enormous room. High and towering shelves contain thousands of books was at both side of the room, covering all the walls with bookshelves. In the middle was a round table on a round mahogany carpet, with a vase full of white roses in the middle of the table and on top of it was a glass chandelier, covered in cold and diamonds-like glass. Near the bookshelves were small sofas and recliners, accompany with small table and flush pillows.

But what captured my attention is the white piano rested near the large double glass doors at the end of the room just across from where I stood. With the moons' light shone on it, it makes the piano look so ethereally beautiful, so angel like. I even notice the white petals of white rose littering around the piano, the sweet smelling of the flower washed over me like a wind. Just by the sight and the smell makes my tense body to go relax and I sighed in contentment at the comfort the room emits.

Unconsciously I walk towards the white piano and sit on the white bench. Hesitantly, I reach out my hands and open the lid that covered the keys and stroke them slowly, leaving strings of soft trails of melody into the silent atmosphere of the room. It sends shivers of excitement to my body, thrilling to touch such majestic instrument and anticipation for playing it again.

I don't know how a sight and sounds alone, mixed together, can create something powerful and something so breathtaking. My heart flutter at the thought and I closed my eyes as I move my fingers across the keys, slowly creating the soft melody that Uncle Neah had created for me long time ago.

The sound of the women singing the familiar song is now gone and replaced to my voice. It bounced around the room wonderfully, accompany by the music of the song, creating some sort of powerful spell that even I can't break nor stop myself from singing it.

_Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita_

_Ikizuku hai no naka no honoo_

_Hitotsu, futatsu…_

I don't know why I sing it in Japanese since I hardly speak them but somehow, the songs gives off a new waves of feelings, making the world of my imagination seems to coming to life. As I drifted off to my dream, tiny sparkles of light came down showering like snowflakes, giving off lights to shine on my dark world.

_Ukabu fukurami itashii yakogao_

_Daischi ni taruru ikusen no_

_Yume, yume…_

I was in a white room instead of the familiar checkered and dark room I used to be. There's a large single window, the white piano, a single small door and a desk with a chair. I was sitting in front of the piano, playing the music, drifting off and echoing around the room.

_Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni_

_Umare o chita kagayaku omae_

_Ikuoku no toshitsuki ga_

_Ikutsu inori o tsuchi e kaeshitemo_

I slowly open my eyes, the moons' light reflecting on them like crystals, shining ever so bright. The song is like a silent prayer, wishing for my dull and lifeless dark world to someday brighten in happiness, joy and love. No matter how many times I have to pray, just to have that world, I will do it eternally if I have to.

_Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru_

_Dou ka kono ko ni ai o_

_Tsunaida te ni kissu wo_

I will continue to pray… praying to be loved and sealed by a single kiss on joined hands.

As the melody came to an end, it slowly, softly drifted off, leaving a waved of serenities filled the room. Even though the song in a way is melancholy and dark, deep within holds the light of hope that I knew was there since the first time I uttered the words of the song and the playing off the melody on my black piano.

Sighing, I tried to get a grip of myself, turning my head to stare at the full moon shone brightly on the dark night sky filled with shimmering stars above through the large windows. The way it shines and bathed me with its light is like comforting hands of a mother, so soft and transparent. I smiled and closed my eyes, feeling the heartbeats of my heart.

_My dream before…was it a dream or was it actually a memory? Is Rabi actually Lavi? Who is exactly Al?_

I can't remember the last part of my dream or more like I know nothing of the part of the memory in my dream. It seems as if it's not mine but the feeling, the waves of hurt and sadness, accompany with love and adoration, felt so surreal and nostalgic. What happened to me and that boy Al?

Clutching my suddenly aching head, I tried to sat up and walk towards one of the sofa. But my vision swam so much and I lost my balance, tripping over to the floor. I braced myself for the impact but it never came. I feel a strong arm capture me, another was wrapping around my waist, pulling me into a hard chest.

"Allen…"

_Its Lavi… he's here…_

_How did he find me?_

He pulled me into a tight embrace, one of his hand rested on my head, threading to my white hair while the other wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me close to him that I can actually feel his heartbeat and his heat. I noticed that he was shivering. Dazedly, I return the hug, resting my head at the crook of his neck.

"It's ok, Lavi. I'm ok…"

"Please don't disappear like that again, Allen. I was so worried!" Lavi whispered into my hair.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered back.

We stay like that for a few moments, in each other's arms. I can feel my heart beat so fast just by the sight of him and my stomach fluttered when he bring me close to him, his gentle touch sends warmth to my being.

"How... did you find me?" I said, my voice muffled.

Lavi give a strained chuckle, loosening his hold and push me back slightly, staring right into my eyes. He brushed his hand on my cheek softly, in a gentle and almost loving way, bringing our forehead together as he whispered, "…by my heart."

I don't know if he's trying to be cheesy or he mean it, and I don't know if I should laugh or feel embarrassed. So I put on a small smile. "Uh-huh…"

He chuckled, his eyes curved in a crescent shape. "No, really. And I heard your song, so I was like enchanted by it and walk here unconsciously. I'm surprised you found this room."

"…I'm not really sure how I got here actually. What room is this?"

"It's a secret room," Lavi said in a matter-of-factly that I shove him slightly by the shoulder and he just smirked.

"It's _my_ secret room, to be exact. I always used to go here when I need some time alone or when I want to read undisturbed." He said it like it was obvious. I rolled my eyes.

We stayed silent again and I closed my eyes as I lean my head on his shoulder. Lavi responded my wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I was about to drifted to sleep when Lavi's voice cut through the silence like a knife.

"…why did you running off like that?"

"I… don't know what you mean, Lavi."

"Don't lie to me, Allen. If you're awake, you could have stayed in bed or wake me up. It seems as if you tried to run away." _From me_ is the unspoken word there and I catches the underlying meaning behind it.

_I didn't mean to… I was just… so afraid._

"I was just…taking some fresh air…"

_I was afraid that he will reject me…_

Lavi said something to me but his voice seems to drift off; the sound seems so slurred, motionless and indistinguishable. My eyes felt heavy and the pounding of my head seems to increase tenfold. I clutch onto him in dear life, afraid that I might slip away and this is just a false dream. I want Lavi to be beside me and I don't want to lose him. Despite the hurtful words I heard him uttered at the hospital and the angry doubts I have towards him, still I don't want Lavi to leave me.

_Not again… I don't want him to leave me again…_

Why did I say 'again'? Did Lavi leave me before…?

_It hurt to be alone. It's so dark and cold._

I can't remember but my heart clenched painfully when I thought about it. And it seems that the pain is doubled, as if there's another part of me…no, another me that are suffering too.

_Please…_

Opening my eyes, I take in the blurry image of him as my tears fall down from my eyes, flowing down my cheeks like a waterfall. I grasped onto him tightly, waves of emotions washed me like a tidal and sweep me away to the shore harshly. The edges of my vision are darkening, threatening to take the only vision I have of Lavi away. My unconscious is slipping as I whispered my worry to him.

"Rabi…"

.

.

.

Who exactly is Rabi? Why did I say that name?

"_Ra…bi…? You have a weird accent."_

"_Well, I actually from Europe but all my life I've been living in Japan. Though I do travelled a lot due to my parent's work, I mostly live in Japan and that's how you pronounce my name. I'm just used to it, I guess…"_

What…? This is the dream I had. Rabi… is he Lavi? Isn't that how you pronounce it in Japan? He did say that he lived in Japan, right?

"… _You said it once that if you were with me, it's as if you can see anything, right? Well, what do you see right now?"_

What I see…? A dark and cold world, filled with emptiness and hopelessness.

"_I can see the two of us sitting like this, watching the night's sky with the stars and the moon above us, shining ever so brightly. I can see the stars that are far away from the eyes, because I know it's there, struggling to shine like the others so it can be noticed, that it's there and will never give up. I can see that Rabi, despite an outgoing and cheerful, is actually have a soft and caring heart, that you actually care something even though you said it to yourself that you didn't. I can see… that you can do it, to move forward despite everything that will fall on you and make you down, you will be back on your feet and continue on. That's how I see it, the world…"_

Did I really say that? How come I was so strong back then and so weak now?

"_Will… you be my side then…?"_

Will I…?

"_I will."_

If so, then did I fulfill that promise already?

"_Will you wait for me? One day, I will find you again…"_

"_I… have to go somewhere. I might not come back here again. But I will find you no matter where, so… can you promise me that you will wait?"_

Did you really left me back then? Or did you leave something behind…? I wonder what it was...

"_Pinkie promise…"_

A…promise? He left both of us with a promise.

A promise that I will by his side and wait for him and the promise he made to find me again. Did I wait for him all this time? Is that the reason of the emptiness I had felt all this time?

If Rabi is Lavi… then how come he didn't remember me? I can't… I don't remember anything about him because I lost my memory. Then what about lavi?

…and who is Al?

…

A/n: There you go! Filled with Allen's thoughts, memory and an intense moment of Laven~! Allen is beginning to form the questions as he slowly regains his memory. What will he do once he knows the truth? Why Lavi didn't remember Allen? Did something happen to him during the years they were apart just like Allen? Find out next chapters~ ^^

And the song is **Tsunaida te ni kiss wo **by** Sanae Kobayashi** from DGM anime.

Now, **review~!** Will I get within the range of 120-130 reviews this time? :)


	13. Lavi's Diary IV

…

**B**lindly **i**n **L**ove –**L**avi's **D**iary **P**art **IV**

**E**verything **w**ill **c**ome **b**ack **t**o its **r**ightful **p**lace

…

Fear…

Fear is what I feel when I found Allen dangling on edge of his balcony. Any other noise has turned into a deafening silent, the world around me become blurred as my eyes focus solely on Allen. My heart beat so fast at the thought of him getting hurt and I stumbled my way out of the car and run towards Allen, my whole body is shaking.

A dark haired man was also on the balcony. He was holding on Allen's limp figure and based from his expression, he was struggling to keep his hold, to keep Allen from falling; his hands clenched tightly around Allen's shirt. I swiftly get under him, my arms open wide open.

"It's ok, let him go. I will catch him."

I know it's dangerous, that even though Allen lived on the first floor and it's not that far from the ground floor, there's a chance that I might missed and Allen might…broke some bones. I pushed away any hesitations and put a determination front, ready to capture Allen. The dark hair guy nodded slowly, as if contemplating, before he released Allen slowly. I capture him, securing him in my arms around him protectively.

"Allen!"

_Please be ok. Please be ok. Please be ok. Please be ok._

That's all I could think as I stare Allen's limp and unmoving form in my arm. I keep on calling his name over and over, not caring of the people around me, of the panic and concern shouting asking for what happen. I just want to make sure that he's ok.

A flash of memory came over me suddenly and I almost release Allen from my hold. A memory showed me of a boy in a hood, his hand reached out as he falls over the edge of the cliff. Al was there; his eyes were wide in horror as he stare wide eyed at the figure of the boy vanish, and running to the edge to see the boy below. He screamed but no sound reach me, not coming to my mind as all I can hear is the deafening of my heart slowly to come to a still, almost giving up from beating the life for me.

And before I can guess what exactly happen, the flash is gone and my vision filled with Allen's face again.

_What happen…just now?_

Allen's eyes fluttered open, a strain but comforting smile graced his pale lips as he whispered to me that he's ok, that he's fine. It tugged on my heart painfully to see him like this. Didn't I just promise myself that I will protect him? How soon it was that I broke that promise. What happen after that is a blur to me.

Allen was hospitalized and I learned that he has suffered slight amnesia, that he lost some part of his memory. After knowing and learning the truth, it sends wave of guilt to my being. I didn't know… I've doubted his honesty. I questioned his kindness and his feelings. And I indirectly accused of him lying to me about his relation to Cross Marian when clearly, he had lost his memory.

The chances and the possibility of Allen being Al crossed out entirely at that fact alone. But if Allen is not Al, then who exactly is Al and who is Allen? Are they connected in a way? The answer can only be found either from my uncle Bookman, my old stuffs or from Cross Marian.

I sighed as I stare at the pale feature of Allen sleeping on the white bed like the bed is the death itself. With his white hair, his pale skin and the white bed, it's as if Allen is fading away, painfully slow. It truly gripped my heart at the thought of losing Allen. I don't want to lose him, not again.

_...again?_

I noticed now that the fear of losing Allen is not…new. It's as if I have this fear from long time ago, as if I experience it before, though it doesn't matter to me because I don't want to lose him either way.

I brush his white bangs away, feeling the soft hair while my other hand hold his cold and fragile hand tightly in mine. Kissing the hand softly, I lay my head on his chest, feeling and hearing his heartbeat.

_As if to make sure that he's truly here, alive._

…

The doctor said that Allen will sleep for a day or two more since his body and mind are still through a shock and I decided that taking Allen to my Uncle's mansion is a lot better than this place. Besides, I can arrange a nurse for Allen if it's necessary for his medication. Watching him unmoving with all the white colors surrounding him make me feel sick to the stomach. It just looked so wrong on him.

And now here he is, lying on my bed, sleeping soundly, like a sleeping beauty. So beautiful and fragile but strong willed at the inside. I can't believe that within the week I know him change my life so much. It's as if my life was fast forward and I was unable to catch up. And I have to lag behind to comprehend and learn what happen within my life that make the change so drastic that I have to keep up to everyone if I was too far behind.

…But, isn't this what I always wanted, a change in my robotic and dull life?

I smiled softly at the sleeping figure of Allen. He's wearing my old pajamas and it fit him wonderfully. His peaceful look sends me warmth, comforting me that he's ok, that he's here, safe with me.

I had skipped breakfast this morning just so I can see him and talk to him, a way of reassuring myself. And now that it's past noon, I should eat something before going to the basement where all of my old stuffs were placed. I kiss Allen's forehead before stood from my seat and walk towards the door, glancing over my shoulder to look at him again and slowly make my way out.

_I just hope I'm ready for the truths_

…

I hardly like the basement. Not only that it's dark, but also because it smell awful and damp. Pushing away such thought about crawling spiders and rats, I make my way around, trying to find the light switch. I don't know what the use of the light, if it's hardly lightened or illuminate anything. It's a good thing I brought my portable flashlight with me.

I searched through the many boxes and stumbled on one of my old stuffs. Opening them, a smile graced my lips at the many pictures of me, Yu and Alma when we were little. One of the pictures showed when I was wearing a yukata that was a bit too big for me, Alma somehow wears a kimono and Yu was wearing his trademark kendo outfit, a small bamboo sword in his hands. I was grinning widely, my hands wrapped around both of their shoulders in a tight head locking hug.

Yu looked so murderous in that picture.

I chuckled at the memory and put the pictures to the side, keeping in mind of the reason why I'm here right now. A few things I found were the one when I was still with both of them so I'm sure the evidence are not here.

Opening another box, I was met with a couple of small leather covered books. It was my diary. Taking all of them, I put them on my lap while continue on searching. But alas, I found nothing. The only evidence I have of the time when I visit London was a necklace with a small double stars pendant. It shined and sparkled even in the dark and I wonder if there was a girl that I wanted to give this to. But that can't be it…

Well, since there's nothing more that I can find, I put the necklace inside my pocket and stand up, holding the books in one hand while my other hand hold the flashlight. As I make my way to the stairs I flash the light around so I won't stumbled into anything when something caught my eyes. I thought it was my shadow but…the thing was too small to be my shadow and my hair wasn't that…long.

A cold shiver runs up my spine and I hastily run towards the stairs, not daring myself to look back. When I reached the landing, I swiftly turn around and close the door. I leaned against it, my breath labored and heavy, and I was panting as my heart beat so fast and I can feel myself covered in a cold sweat.

…_must be my imagination_

Taking a deep breath, I walked to the direction of the library. I need to check and read what I had written in these books. And since I'm a fast reader, I'm sure I can finish them before dinner.

But I didn't know what I would find within those books will will put me in a huge shock.

…

The first of the five books were about my life when my parents were still married. But they filled with so much anger and hatred, of how neglected I felt when they treat me like I'm not exist. They didn't even fight for taking custody of me. Hell, they probably didn't even state that they have a son.

Grumbling, I throw the books away, not even giving them a second glance. Knowing that the others might fill with the same content, I almost give up reading when one of the book's bookmarks caught my attention. It got the same design as the necklace I found. Taking the book slowly, I turn it around and was a bit confused at the lack of design on the book. It was gray in color leathered skin and the book is not too thick, as if it was made for travelling.

Adjusting my sitting position, I open the book. The first word that greets me was the word _'Rabi in wonderland'_ and I chuckled at that. If I were in wonderland, I would imagine myself to be the rabbit, not the princess. As I read the content, I'm sure that my mind had just died.

This book… I wrote them when I was in London.

…And in it showed that I knew Al. He's my friend, someone I met when I was walking around a wide field filled with flowers and trees. And we spend most of our time together. That's how we become best friend. That's also how I… fell in love with him.

And also… how I met…

"…Allen," I whispered the name of the person I've been known for a week, his name was also written in the book.

Clutching the book tightly in my hands, I turn page after page, scanning all the words as they were burned to my mind, memories flashed before my eyes as if I was back into the past.

_How can this be?_

_Why I didn't remember about any of these memories before?_

I read the part when the first time I found him sleeping against a tree, his hood covered half of his face but the light shone at the right angle that I can't keep staring away from the beautiful image of him. That first time I met him, I thought he was an angel. And I give him a greeting kiss as I learn that is how people greet other people there. His lips were so soft and petal like and I love how he blush at my compliment.

_You… you're not an angel, are you…?" _

But the most thrilled thing that made me read over and over again was the way his eyes shine brightly, with so much honest and kindness showed in those crystal clear eyes.

_Thank you…_

I read how afraid and fragile he was at the thought of people knowing I'm with him, of the fear in those whispered worried voice of me getting in trouble because of him and made my first promise to him on not telling anyone about us.

_Could…Could you promise me something?_

I read how fun Al was even though he's a bit rude and sarcastic, I found that he have a soft side that he rarely showed to anyone and how he takes things way too seriously was because that's how he showed his worries and concerns, even though people tend to misunderstand him, he keeps on fighting for it.

_I will not let you do that, you stupid old man! He might be your dog but he's also a living thing, just like you!_

I read the first time Al showed a vulnerable side of him was when he told me his brother have a weak heart and might not live long. Even though he was smiling, his eyes didn't. They were glistening with unshed tears and the slight tremble of his lips showed how much he wanted to cry out in agony at the thought of losing his brother forever.

…_I love my brother. But my love won't cure him from his illness. Every single day, I will try to find a way to make him live longer, to live together with me._

I read how Allen and I spent with each other during the night, watching the stars. Sometimes we talk various things, making jokes and play games and sometime, we just lay on the grass and closed our eyes, our hands connected.

_As long as I'm with you, it almost as if I can see everything, Rabi_

I read how my feelings towards Al started to waver. I still do loved him but not in the way that I had imagine for us to be. He was okay with it as long as we can remain to be friends. I was glad and happy at his understanding. He just hug me and said that just because we might didn't walk the same path doesn't mean we stop being friends.

_Well… I still love you, even as a friend. That is enough for me as long as you're here with me, kay Rabi?_

I read how my parents started to plan to get divorced and how my uncle Bookman going to take custody of me and going to bring me with him next day. How afraid I was at the thought of leaving Allen and Al away without saying anything, at least a _'see you again'_ said to them.

…_I want to see them again. I don't want this to be the last time I see them._

I read how I sat under the usual spot where Allen and I spend our times together and shock to find that Allen found me there. He told me that he felt something is wrong decided to come here. I remember smiling and ask him a question in which he answered wonderfully. I asked him if he will stay by my side and make a promise to him that one day, I will meet him again, that I will find him again not matter what.

_Will you wait for me? One day, I will find you again…_

I read a part where I was exposed to the truth that Allen, in which he had gave me his name was Nella, was actually Al's brother, one that he loved so much that he might trade anything just for him. That night was the first night I felt an intense pain in my heart. Not because of the beating Al gave me.

_You said you love me and yet here you are, kissing and hugging Allen, my own little brother!_

…But because of the thought of Al's fragile love for his brother

_I will do anything to keep him alive, Rabi. Anything!_

…of the frightening thought that Allen have a weak heart

_He…my brother got a weak heart. He might not live long._

…of the pain that I might lose both of them before I'm leaving away, probably forever from them

_Please don't leave me Allen!_

…of the cold and numbness when Allen fall off the cliff

_ALLEN!_

…of…everything that had happened

I dropped the book onto the floor; shock was evident on my feature. I stood up from where I sat and slowly make my way out of the library. My mind was empty and I…can't feel anything. Everything felt so hazy and cloudy and I stumbled my way forward, not knowing where my body took me. I felt too numb and cold to actually function well.

When I regain my senses and refocusing my vision, I found myself standing beside the bed where Allen is still sleeping. The sudden sight of him seems to finally make everything came back to me and I dropped on my knees as my legs gave out on me, both of my hands fall limply on my sides.

My eyes locked on Allen's figure, my heart wrenched in pain and hurt. Shakily, I reach out my hand and take a hold his hand in mine, feeling the warmth it filled me and made its way to my chest. I feel my body trembled as Ii broke down in tears; my sights are blurry as the tears pours down my cheeks.

_Cold…everything felt so cold…_

"…A-Allen…"

I whispered his name out between sobs and hiccups. The pain just keep on coming to me like waves, crashing down on me harshly, just like the reality I lived in. Watching his unmoving and unresponsive figure makes my cold and numb body to shiver in fear.

_I'm sorry. _

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

_Allen…I…I-_

"-didn't know. I'm so sorry for forgetting, for not remembering. I'm sorry"

_I'm sorry for hurting you…_

_I'm sorry for making you wait…_

_If only I realize it sooner._

"Allen…" I brush his bangs away, watching his serene expression and give a strained smile. I put on a small kiss on his forehead and sighed, feeling his warm skin under my cold one. "I'm sorry for everything. But…Please… don't leave me, Allen…"

The last thing I remembered before I fall asleep was the twitching of his fingers against mine, tightening slightly within my grip, as if he return the hold back.

…

When I woke up in the middle of that night, I felt so…empty. Literally. Panic surged within me, swelling with fear and confusion. I tried to calm my nerves and make a few possibility of his disappearance.

_Maybe he's in the toilet…_

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door to my bathroom, straining myself to hear anything, any sound coming from the other side of the door. I call his name a few times and when there was no response, a feeling of dread make its way to my heart. I wrenched the door open, only to find that there was no one there.

Walking back out to the bedroom, I look around for any of the sign of Allen when the sight of door of my bedroom caught me. It was open.

_This is bad… he might get lost!_

This mansion always has been like a labyrinth. It's a good thing I can memorize everything easily on a short time that I now knew every curve and turn of the building. But even with that knowledge alone won't do me any good if I didn't know where Allen had gone off to.

Taking a chance, I take a right turn after exiting my bedroom and runs around the many hallways, taking each turn in deep calculations and possibilities, and risk chances. Allen is in no condition to walk around or wander off alone. Even if his body had already overcome the shock, his mind didn't. So there's a chance that he might pass out in this many hallways, cold and…just sprawled there, not moving.

_Get a grip, Lavi! Focus!_

I shook my head, my long red bangs brushed and slapped to my face at the swift move. Sighing, I continue onwards, determine to find Allen.

_I will not lose him. Not again. Not ever._

Up ahead was the direction of my secret room so I almost crossed out the possibility of him being in there when a soft melody coming from that room reached my ears. I recognize it, having heard it the first time when I met Allen, when I watch him playing at the store.

Eyes widen in shock, I slowly made my way there, opening the slightly ajar door and take a peek inside. The sight that greets me almost me stumbled on my step as I walk inside, my body frozen and unable to move and my eyes locked on to the figure of Allen playing my piano. He looked so…beautiful, so angel like, so ethereally breathtaking.

The way his white hair swishing like he's in water, the way his hands moved so professionally and the way the moon glowed on him, shining his hair, the piano and the white petals of the white roses lying around him like feathers… was so… indescribable. There's just no word to describe the scene I was looking at.

But what caught me was Allen's voice, the song and the melody. It was so beautiful, so serene and so comforting, even though there's a hint of sadness and loneliness in them, the song just filled with so much hope.

Never in my life did I ever hear someone singing like Allen did. Not even after I'm in music industry and in a band.

A song like that, a voice like that, the words that were uttered and the feelings that were sent through was just…can't be made by just anyone. Not even a professional singer. It came deep down from a true heart, true emotions and true feelings.

_And I knew I can't beat that. No one can._

It's called a natural talent, where it's not just about the lyrics and the music and the instrument used. It's the heart of the singer, the player and the composer.

_And now…finally I know what was missing in mine._

The melody is now coming to an end and I didn't dare myself to move, watching Allen's expression carefully. It goes from comfortable and happy to confused and hurt. The sight alone make my heart twist painfully in my chest and I want to run there to him, comfort him that everything is ok and that I will be there always for him.

But I couldn't move…

Until Allen suddenly stumbled towards the sofa while holding his head in pain did I finally move. I caught him in time before he falls down, looping my hands around him protectively.

"Allen…"

I can feel him tensed a bit and that fact alone finally make its way to my brain, on why Allen is out here instead of resting in my room, on why he didn't wake me up or simply stay there. I can feel the denial wrapped around me, making me shivered and I tighten my hold on him, clenching my teeth in slight anger.

_It's not true… _

_Allen is not afraid of me… _

_He's not running away from me…_

_He…he was just…_

I was jolted out of my though when I feel Allen return the hug, his hands clutching to my shoulder at the back, and he rest his head at the crook my neck, breathing deeply.

"It's ok, Lavi. I'm ok…"

_No you're not. Don't lie to me Allen._

_Not even for my sake…_

_Please…_

"Please don't disappear like that again, Allen. I was so worried!"

I whispered to his hair, clutching on to him like he's the very last thing I need to get a grip on myself. I hear him muttering _'I'm sorry' _but I ignore it.

He didn't have the right to feel sorry. I'm the one wrong one, I'm the one who he should blame and yet…I know he will never see me like that. Allen is just too kind.

We stayed silent after that, just in each other's arm when he broke it with a question.

"How... did you find me?"

What kind of silly question is that at a time like this? I chuckled and pulled away a bit, looking at his flushed face and stare at his beautiful eyes, wondering how I deserve someone like him. I know the answer; I don't even have to think as I answer him truthfully, "…by my heart."

I can see the struggle he was in, on whether to laugh or to blush at that. Instead he just gives me a smile and half teasingly said the word, "Uh-huh…"

I chuckled and tell him how I found him here. I also explain to him about this room. He listen to me intently that almost make me grin wider at the naïve and yet honest curiosity expression on his face. We revert back to silent. Allen leaned his head on my shoulder and I return it by wrapping an arm around his, keeping him close.

I watch him silently. At this close, I can see how he strained himself in keeping the pain away. I noticed the slight throbbing of vein on his forehead and frowned. Did I miss his medication time?

As he nodding off to slumber, I can't get the growing anxiousness, nervousness and the doubts at bay. I tried to choose my words carefully but it won't bring me anywhere so I asked him out straight to the point, feeling his body flinched away from me at that.

It hurt to think that Allen feared me, that he's avoiding me and that he's…running away from me. I know I'm selfish but…it's been so long. All this time, he was there by my side and yet I couldn't even remember him correctly. Hell, I can't even remember anything much of the past.

Which is weird, because I always remember everything…

"I… don't know what you mean, Lavi."

"Don't lie to me, Allen. If you're awake, you could have stayed in bed or wake me up. It seems as if you tried to run away."

_From me…_

I can tell he catched the unspoken word and he looked away, a guilty look cross his feature.

"I was just…taking some fresh air…"

_Don't…please don't do this Allen._

_Don't lie to me just for my sake._

_Don't lie to me just to make me feel relief and happy._

_Don't lie just to make sure I won't get hurt when you in turn did._

_It's ok to hurt me… I'm fine with it._

_You suffer enough. It's time for you to feel happy and think for yourself._

I want to utter those words so much to him but they seem to stuck in my throat, unable to go out. I choked, desperately trying to breathe at the tightness of my chest. It felt so suffocating, to see him suffer and struggle for someone else's happiness and sake.

For mine…

"Allen, please. Don't do this to yourself…"

I stare wide eyed as a few tears run down his pale cheeks, his eyes glistening with the tears as he clutch on to me tightly, his cheeks are red with flush and his lips quiver at the sobs and hiccups. I notice the vein on his forehead is still there and cursed silently.

"Allen…calm down!"

But it seems he didn't hear me or he just can't. He looked at me with those eyes, tears streaming down his face like a waterfall as he uttered a word that I thought should be forgotten by him due to his memory lost and I found myself unable to response.

"Rabi…"

I dazedly catch Allen into my arms and held him close, tightening my hold on him. He didn't response and the fear I felt for that make its way again to me, looping around me like a snake.

"I'm sorry, Allen…"

Laying his head on my lap, I brush his bangs away and kiss his forehead, trying to sooth him in any way I can. A few droplets of water fall on him and I realized that I too had shed tears. I hastily brush them away. I have no right to cry… but I can't stop them. I leaned down and kiss his lips in a chaste and simple kiss, just a touch to the lips.

"I'm sorry for loving you…"

…

A/n: Finally! Sorry for the no Author's Note at the beginning. I just don't know what to say and I'm sure you guys will feel tired at reading my repeated thanks to you awesome reader and reviews. LOL!

Well…I couldn't say much about this. I…did cry when I write this. I just missed Lavi so much. He hasn't made any appearance yet and I worried about him. If he knew what happened to Allen, will he too help Kanda and Johnny to find Allen? I was hoping he will. And I hope he's fine with Bookman too.

Ehem… Anyway, it's best if you guys hear the song **Lullaby** by **Jyongri** (one of The World's End With You game theme). The lyrics just fit them, I guess.

So, please leave a **review? **Because of the many reviews I received for the last chapter, I update this fast. ^^ Hehe…


	14. Chapter 9

A/n: Wow~ Thank you so much for the reviews guys~ and I'm sorry for not replying to any of you. There's just so many of you LOL

Anyway, now we're back to Allen centric again! YESS! I love Allen-centric so much!

…

**B**lindly **i**n **L**ove –**C**hapter **9**

**L**earn **f**rom **y**esterday, **l**ive **f**or **t**oday **a**nd **h**ope **f**or **t**omorrow.

…

When I woke up the next morning, I thought everything that had happened, about yesterday, about my memory, about the hidden truth and about me being Lavi's boyfriend were just a dream…or a nightmare, whichever how you want to see it.

But when the expensive decorative ceiling greets me the second time, I know it's real and that everything did happen. I don't know what to feel, whether I should feel sad or happy for the fact that all this time my life has been a lie. That Master had lied to me.

_I feel betrayed…_

But then, I'm not really the type to hate someone. I might hold grudge on people, I might feel intense angriness to someone, I might ignore someone's existence but…in the end, I will always understand and always forgive them, in a way.

That's why… sometimes I hate myself.

Even though in a way I have my dark side, but my heart will stay true to its kindness and honesty. No matter how much I want do the opposite, I always end up help them and forgive them.

Why? Why would I do that?

And now…I want to hate Lavi. But the mere thought alone send make my heart clench painfully and it hurt so much.

…_it's not like I love him_…

It hurt and yet, I couldn't hate him for it. Have I been in love with Lavi all this time…no, since I met him all those years ago without realizing it? Do I love him still?

"Maybe…"

My heart knows better though as it beat so fast at the mention of me loving Lavi, almost making me dizzy and lightheaded. I sit up from my laying on the bed and look around. I was alone in the room and with the lights from the sun streaming into the large windows; I can finally take in my surrounding. The place looked a lot bigger, a lot wider than during at night.

'Is this…Lavi's home?'

A sound of doors opening jolted me in surprise. A door, in which I guess that leads to the bathroom, opened and walking out was Lavi. He's fully clothed, thank god, but his hair is wet from the shower. A towel draped around his shoulder and he dried his hair a little before he sighed, his face looked troubled.

I watch him silently, not daring to call out, not daring to break his thought. With the way his hair cling to his face and neck, I gotta admit, Lavi looked really sexy right now and I can't help but stare as a droplet of water from his hair fall to the side of his face, trailing down to his neck. He brushed it with his towel and I travel my eyes back to Lavi. My face heated up when my eyes met his.

'H-He caught me…!'

I avert my eyes quickly, fumbling with the blanket in my hands. I can't believe I stare at him like that. I know my face is really red right now and I'm trying to cool it down. I need to calm down. Lavi is looking at me.

_Damn it heart, stop beating so loud!_

"Allen?"

I jumped a little at how near his voice is. I turned my head and Lavi's face was just a few inch from mine. Since when did he walk up behind me? I guess I was thinking too deep.

"W-What…?"

"Are you ok? You look red…"

Lavi reach out his hand and put it on my forehead, brushing my bangs away a little. I can't help but sighed and close my eyes when his cold skin touches my heated one. It feels really nice. Lavi chuckled and put a kiss on my forehead. Geez, did he really want me to go all red from blushing too much?

"Good morning, Allen," he whispered near my ear, his breath blows on my hair and I fought the shiver that threatening to go up my spine to go down.

"G-Good morning…Lavi…"

I open my eyes and stare at his. It filled with amusement and happiness. I give him a smile and I expect him to give me his trademark grin, with his eyes shaped in a crescent shape and his perfect teeth will show while ruffling my hair. But instead, he returned it with same soft and almost shy smile back to me.

_If my heart won't stop beating so fast, I might pass out._

"So…are you going to give me a good morning kiss?" he said playfully, his grin back in place.

I nodded my head in reflex, not actually hearing what he said. But when his eyes widen and his words finally did sink to me, I'm surprised the veins around my cheeks are still working from pumping all those blood around there as the blush return back again and I sputtered my words out, trying to find something to say.

'Ahh… whatever!'

Scrutinizing my eyes shut tightly, I lean forward and kiss him, our lips met for a few second before I pull away, taking his towel. I used the towel to cover most of his face as I brush his hair roughly.

"Wha-…Allen!"

"Y-You should dry your hair o-or you'll catch a cold…" I stammered, slowing down and began to softly brush his hair again with the towel. The lower half of his face is visible and I can see his smile after I said those words. Did he think it's funny? Is he making fun of me-

My thought interrupted as Lavi take hold of my hands and the towel, pushing them away from his face. He opened his eyes and smiled that smile again, making my heart jumped.

"Thank you"

"y-You're…welcome…Lavi…"

Really… what happen on wanting to hate Lavi?

Well…I guess its fine…

…

I never felt how happy I was for taking shower after few days without them due to me sleeping. I sighed happily, feeling refresh. I walked out of the bathroom and into the room. Lavi is nowhere to be seen, which is good because he keep insist on helping me showering. I knew Lavi is a pervert since…well…twenty minutes ago.

Willing the thoughts to go away in fear my cheeks will burst from the blood, I walk to the night table. A note lay on it. Must be from Lavi… I mean, who else?

It said:

_Allen~ I'll go downstairs and asked the chef to prepare foods for you. I will call you when it's ready. You can wander around but make sure you won't get lost again this time._

_P.S: Your back looks so smooth :P _

_P.P.S: I didn't peek, I swear!_

_P.P.P.S: Ok…I did. But I didn't see anything else, really!_

_Love,_

_Xoxo Lavi 3_

I shook my head at the letter and crunch it into a small ball, throwing it to the small bin not far from the study desk to the left of the bed. But I couldn't help smiling at the content. Stupid Lavi… if he didn't want to get caught, he shouldn't have mentioned about him peeking. Whether he saw…anything else other than my back or not, I'm still gonna scold him anyway.

I looked into the mirror near the door of the bathroom and twirl side to side, taking in my appearance. I changed my hairstyle by sweeping my bangs to the side a little and wear the usual bandage to cover the reverse triangle on my forehead. I hate that symbol. I look down and notice that the short pants that Lavi lend me just reached until below my knees and the shirt is too big for me though it fit enough not to slide off my shoulder. But…I look so…submissive in Lavi's shirt.

_Ahhh! Get a grip Allen! Don't let Lavi's pervert-ness gets to you!_

Shaking my head again, I made my way out of the room. It look really different from how it looked during the night now that the light streaming into the room and the hallways, brightening everything. I think I want to go to Lavi's secret room and play the piano again. It's the first time after six years of life since I play and sing the song from my heart without becoming depressed or hurt from the memories of my past, one that I remember and one that stuck to my mind forever.

It was the memory of when I was eight, and at that time uncle Neah was still alive. He will play the piano and I will sing while Mana will sit on a couch with Master to hear. And…there's always another boy. He always stood at the back, leaning against a wall. I can't see his face. All I can see was the color of his hair and how much he resembled uncle Neah. Other than that, nothing.

And yet…it was the happiest moment of my past life…my precious memory.

I turn right on another hallway and instead of getting to the right place, it seems I found my way to the foyer. I peek around the corner and saw Lavi standing near a stair to my left and was about to call him when a familiar female voice reached my ear, making my body shivered. It was…

"Lena, calm down. He's ok! He-" Lavi said. Even though his voice didn't changed, I can see it from his stiff posture that he was tensed.

"Shut up! I don't want to hear your excuse, Lavi!" Lenalee shouted to Lavi and I have to hold myself from going there and told her to go away. But then, even in this situation, I wouldn't have the courage to say that to her.

"Why did you come to his life now, huh? WHY?"

What are they arguing about? I know I shouldn't eavesdrop but…I'm curious. I've never seen Lenalee this angry. Did something happen?

"He was fine with me… so why? Are you going to ruin his life again, Lavi? He's been through enough! He doesn't need you. He doesn't need to remember you and neither are you! You shouldn't have remembered!"

What is she talking about? Who's fine with her? What did Lavi doesn't need to remember?

"Give Allen back, Lavi! I don't care that you finally remember and found him and such! He didn't remember you and it will stay like that! He didn't need you!"

W-Wait…what? Lavi…remember too? So it's true? I do know Lavi…

I need to stop her and told her that it's fine. That I already remember and I… and I what? I don't know. I don't know what to say.

"No," Lavi's voice jolted me back from my thought and I stare at his figure. He's calm and relax, as if he wasn't been shouted at and insulted in front of his face, in his own house.

"What? What do you mean by that?" Lenalee asked, which the question I silently asked too.

"No, I won't return him to you. I will keep my promise to him."

"For what? So you can hurt him again? You-"

"So I can protect him better this time, that I will stay true to my words on being by his side and that I had found him after years of me trying to search for him, even after not remembering him." Lavi said with a straight face, his eyes look dark and menacing and he look so cold as he say those words to Lenalee.

I can see her falter a little and was about to smile when she raised her hand and slapped Lavi across the face, his face turned to the side from the impact. She breathed heavily, arm still raised. My vision becomes blurry, almost static when a memory came over me.

_I was running towards Lavi's vacation house; finally have the courage to ask him to play with me. But upon arriving, I saw him standing in the middle of the pathway to his house with a woman standing in front of him. I hide behind a tree and take a peek, not wanting to be seen._

_The woman was angry at him and she raised her hand and slapped Lavi. I gasped silently, not believing at what I had witness. _

"_You're such a burden, Lavi! I wish you were never born!"_

_She stormed off to her car and drive off, away from Lavi. And Lavi…he just stood there, not moving, not even an inch. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to comfort someone. So…I left, crying silently because somehow I know that Lavi won't cry and instead will just smile the pain away and said that he's ok if I ask him. So I had cried for him._

_The next day I brought him to watch stars together, even though we couldn't see a single one. But with him, I could see everything._

_And I hope he could too…_

I almost stumbled forward when the memory ended and gasped for breath at the sudden emotions flowed through me. I raised my head and look at the scene again, watching Lenalee's mouth open and I can guess the sentence she wanted to utter like it the woman did.

"You're a burden to him, Lavi! I wish you were never exists to ruin his life!"

Lenalee stormed off to the front door and slammed it shut, leaving an echo of angry bang as the door shut and like the memory, Lavi just stood there, not moving.

I want to turn away and run. It's just too much but I don't want to, not again. And yet, I couldn't get myself to walk there and hug him either. He might find comfort but it still will hurt him more if I do that. So instead, I turn my back and walk away, tears falling down my cheeks, just like how I did back in the past.

…_Lavi_

…

I stumbled my way around, trying to go back to Lavi's bedroom but everything looked the same. I can't tell the difference at all even after I asked for directions from the maids. This place is a labyrinth!

Panting from walking nonstop, I slid down the wall and sit on the carpeted floor, sighing and taking my breath. I stare at the wall in front of me and frowned when I realize that it was the same wall I had encountered earlier. Or…was it?

_Shit… Where the hell am I? Everything looked the same!_

"Allen? What are you doing on the floor?"

I look up to Lavi lazily, as if the action took too much of my energy, and give him a wave. "Hey Lavi…" I sighed and rest my head on the wall, leaning against it like it was a sofa. "I'm tired, that's why…"

Lavi chuckled and sit next to me, his face facing the opposite wall too. "Did you get lost, even though I told you not to?"

I just nodded my head and closed my eyes. I'm too hungry and too tired to response fully to him. Besides, for what happen back at the front… I still can't believe it; and those emotions swirling inside me after the flash of memory… I don't know what to do.

I feel Lavi's hand cupped my chin, turning my face to him and brush his thumb on my cheek. "Did you…cry?" he frowned, his lips tugged downward and a worry line on his forehead.

I open my eyes slowly, trying not to give away anything; that I saw what happen between him and Lenalee. I avert my eyes and clutch his shirt, leaning in and resting my forehead on his chest. "Well…I thought I'll be lost forever and die in hunger and loneliness, so I cried a little."

I hate to lie but…for both of our sake, I have to.

_I'm sorry Lavi…_

He just chuckled and gives me a hug, bringing me closer to him and ruffled my hair a little. I love it when he does that, even though it's annoying sometimes. "Aww…my little princess is in danger. Don't worry; your big red dragon will protect you from the cruelty of hunger and the evilness of loneliness. I will slash them with my claws, chomp on them with my fangs and burn them with my flames. How's that?"

I can't help but laugh at the image I get at what he said. "What if a knight in shining armor tried to kill you to get me?"

His hold on me slacken a little before tighten again and he rests his chin on my head, sighing. I though he's going to say that he will let me go and stuff or test the knight if he's worthy of me but instead, he surprise me again. Then I realize…

"I will protect you even if it's kill me. If I fall, I will go back on my feet and defeat him. Even if I have to crawl, I will stay true by your side and protect you. I don't think I can give you to them, even if it kills me…"

…that Lavi has changed. I can no longer imagine him or predict him anymore. He's a complete new big mystery that I have to solve. And yet…the answer seems so simple.

Not only because he remembered; not only because he found me and wanted to keep his promise; but because of something…something big, something deep and that something is what I will know when the time is right.

Smiling, I return the hug, resting my head at the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply. "Then I will tend to your wounds and will be at your side all the time, supporting you. I will help you to go back to your feet and give you a reassuring hug like this so you can keep on going, keep on living."

I know he get the hint from my words just like I did at his when he answered me. Clutching tighter and bring him closer to me, I hid my red face. "…because I'll be lonely without you and I'm…glad that you found me, Lavi."

I don't know if he's crying or laughing as his body shook against mine but nevertheless, I didn't move and just stay in his arms.

"T-Thanks Allen…"

"You're welcome…"

The smile on my face finally has a meaning…

…and it seems that the world didn't look so dark anymore.

…

A/n: Whew…there you go~ Finally done! I was stuck midway when writing this thus the little bit late in updating. But…well, its here! Nuff said.

I draw a pic of Lavi after showering~ If you guys wanna see it, just go to my devArt! ^^

Oh! And I have a new In Love series for this. It's not gonna be this story's sequel though. It's a whole new story. It's called Silently in Love. Any of you who already check the summary at my profile, I'm going to change it to something more deep, just like this one. I will edit the summary…when I'm not being lazy that is :P

Now…**REVIEW! **Next chapter is gonna be epic! **Kanda** will be on the next chappie and something will change him big time. Wanna know? **Then leave a review…~** ^^


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